SNL's "Graduation Day" Sketch Invents a Hilarious Hippocratic Oath for Dentists
Apparently they do intend to stab, confuse, and irritate their patients.
If you've ever been in the dentist chair, you'll likely relate to Saturday Night Live's latest cut-for-time sketch, "Graduation Day." Performed during the Season 50 finale dress rehearsal but omitted from the live show, the newly-released sketch stars May 17 Host Scarlett Johansson and Season 50 cast members as young medical and dental school grads who take their oaths during the ceremony.
After being presented by Dr. Sadie Enward (Heidi Gardner) and Dr. Yabedda Knott (Ego Nwodim), the physicians, played by Devon Walker, Marcello Hernández, Jane Wickline, and Emil Wakim, recite a pretty normal-sounding Hippocratic-esque oath, promising to respect the physicians before them and to do no harm.
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SNL's cut-for-time "Graduation Day" sketch reveals a (fake yet accurate) dentists' oath
Then the dental school graduates take the stage, presented by Dr. Tuck Methang (Keenan Thompson), to take a very different kind of "dentocratic" oath. They're led by valedictorian Penny Shannon (Scarlett Johansson), who is going to work at Oceanside Tooth and Breath in Cleveland, Ohio — you know, "the office right next to the Panda Express."
The oath taken by the dentists (Johansson, Bowen Yang, Sarah Sherman, and Michael Longfellow) starts out similarly but soon takes a turn.
"I swear to fulfill, to the best of my ability and judgment, this covenant: I promise to break, stab, yank, crack, crunch, bust up, jack up, strike, confuse, irritate, penetrate, stab, oh wait, did I already say stab? Well, yeah, 'cause imma be stabbin'," they say in unison.
The dentists "swear to do as much harm as possible," and say they will assure their patients that X-rays are safe, but then they will "cover them with a lead blanket and run out of the room as fast as I can."
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The Studio 8H audience really lost it as the oath begins describing the dental employees.
"For my dental hygienists, I will only hire the thickest Dominican and Armenian baddies you've ever seen: booty bustin' out the scrubs, fake lashes so thick she can't drive at night, flossing you so hard you got tears in your eyes, four fingers in your mouth ripping your cheeks like she's giving you the Joker smile. And as she reaches up to turn off the surgical light, one giant boob will rest on your face."
The oath ends with a promise to schedule appointments on a random day six months from now ... and a dare to tell them you're busy that day.
"We honor this sacred profession, and my the devil guide our hands," they conclude.
Anybody else feel a sudden urge to brush your teeth?
How to watch the SNL Season 50 finale
Johansson hosted the Season 50 finale on May 17 with Bad Bunny as Musical Guest, and it was a jam packed show. Watch all the sketches here, or catch up with every episode on Peacock.
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