Thrilled to be here. Simply put, Tuscany is picturesque. Between the scenic landscapes, rich culture and beautiful maids, there are plenty of pictures of perfection. But one particular portrait has caught my attention. Introducing my mission crush: Tessa. Our maid at the villa. Well not exactly a maid. She just looks like a maid. Not that anyone looks like a maid... she's just dressed like a maid. But she's really an agent... I call her Tess. For short. Well, not yet, but I will once we're dating, if we date - when we date... I'm exhausted.
Quality bedsheets, but my back hurts. Flabbergasted that a palatial villa like this would opt for thread count over mattress quality. We could use better lighting in our room. That's right... I said OUR! Apparently a genie with his own lamp has been listening to my wishes and combined his three with my three because I'm rooming with Mr. Agent Steven Bloom. It's more than a wish to the sixth power... it's a dream. NO... A fairytale!
Classy pool. No diving board though, but that's probably for the best. This crowd couldn't handle my Jacknife. It would be famous. Not infamous, like Xerxes. What kind name is Xerxes anyway? Hardly screams biological weapons dealer. Xs in general, not a fan. Lost a third grade spelling bee to an "x." Started "Xylophone" with a "z". Oh god, now I'm thinking about the other Xs... how many poor souls did Tessa leave in her wake? I don't want to think about those right now either. It's game time.
I had hoped my first time slapping handcuffs on a beautiful girl would have been under completely different terms, but I gotta say, it still felt pretty amazing. She'll miss me though. Sure of it. I saw her staring at me from the backseat and, I confess, I flexed a little bit. A really quick gun show, no big deal. In case she wants something to think about in prison. What can I say, heroism agrees with me. And ladies... alert the media - I'm single... still.