This is the blog I hoped I'd never have to write. I don't like talking about my sister. Sometimes, quite honestly, we pretend she died years ago. It's easier to cope with. But it's also a cop-out. She deserves better than that. If for no other reason than because she's my sister. And despite all the shit she's done, I still love her.
At first, we all thought it was just a phase. We thought she was just experimenting like most college students do. We figured she'd grow out of it. But you don't grow out of heroin, meth or crack. Once you're in... well... it's a long road back...
I used to blame myself. I should have tried harder to reach her. I should have dragged her to rehab as soon as I figured out what was going on. I should have been a better brother. But then I realized... she chose this path. It wasn't forced on her. She invited it into her life. And then she let it take over.
That's when all the lies and the cons started -- when we all got sucked into her chaos and learned just how low someone is willing to sink to get their next fix. That's also when the anger set in -- mine, I mean. I don't think I've ever really left that stage. I'm stuck here. Perpetually.
Don't get me wrong... I'm still her brother. I still want what's best for her. I want her to be my sister again, not the shell I saw living in that motel not too long ago. But she has to want it for herself first. She has to admit that she has a problem. She has to ask for help. Nobody can do it for her. No matter how much I may want to. I can point her toward the light and love her. But she has to find the strength to commit to rejoining the family, clean and sober.
Sorry to be such a downer today. It's just really hard to deal with junkies all day and not think about her, you know? I hope none of you ever have to go through what my family went through with my sister. But, if you do, just know that it doesn't have to be a one-way ticket.
Pace a voi.
At first, we all thought it was just a phase. We thought she was just experimenting like most college students do. We figured she'd grow out of it. But you don't grow out of heroin, meth or crack. Once you're in... well... it's a long road back...
I used to blame myself. I should have tried harder to reach her. I should have dragged her to rehab as soon as I figured out what was going on. I should have been a better brother. But then I realized... she chose this path. It wasn't forced on her. She invited it into her life. And then she let it take over.
That's when all the lies and the cons started -- when we all got sucked into her chaos and learned just how low someone is willing to sink to get their next fix. That's also when the anger set in -- mine, I mean. I don't think I've ever really left that stage. I'm stuck here. Perpetually.
Don't get me wrong... I'm still her brother. I still want what's best for her. I want her to be my sister again, not the shell I saw living in that motel not too long ago. But she has to want it for herself first. She has to admit that she has a problem. She has to ask for help. Nobody can do it for her. No matter how much I may want to. I can point her toward the light and love her. But she has to find the strength to commit to rejoining the family, clean and sober.
Sorry to be such a downer today. It's just really hard to deal with junkies all day and not think about her, you know? I hope none of you ever have to go through what my family went through with my sister. But, if you do, just know that it doesn't have to be a one-way ticket.
Pace a voi.
