Shit. My hands are still shaking from today. I'm really starting to understand how some medics see their patients as nothing more than just meat. It's how they get through days like this.
We started the day working on this girl who got beat up by her boyfriend. Dude was screaming his head off about how much he loved her even though he'd just almost broken her nose. She was fine this time. But what about next time?
I know we're only supposed to treat the patient, the physical stuff. But I really wanted to tell this girl that there's help out there. But it didn't feel like it was my place. So instead, I'm gonna tell all of you. If you're in crisis, please ask for help. You don't have to live like that. It's better to be alone than injured or dead.
And just as I was thinking that, the shit hit the fan. What do you say after you treat a ton of people who've just been shot by a raving lunatic who used to be their co-worker? Beer and pool at the bar can only help so much. The worst part - black tagging... really sucks - marking for everyone to see that you couldn't save someone. It took everything I had not to lose my shit today as more and more people came out of that building - shot, bleeding, screaming - and then some of them dying.
"Jaded." Nancy used that word to describe herself today. But jaded to me means that you've lost your empathy - like the guys who see only meat. Nancy is the opposite of that. Seems like she feels too much sometimes. I think I'd like to be somewhere in the middle. Without the crazy that seems to be Tyler. Does anyone else think Tyler is teetering on the edge? I worry about that guy.
Anyway, I've gotta sign off for now. Think I need another beer to take the edge off... because tomorrow I have to do it all over again.
Pace a voi.
