The Blinds

obviously there is a 'no gum chewing' policy in place. it's television and that s**t just doesn't fly. but for someone who chews the stuff incessantly, it was like being a fish out of water. they gave me this tiny little bottle of water just before I went on but it was hardly enough to combat the desert that was growing in my mouth. AGH!!! they opened the doors to the stage and announced that "the next performer is taking the stage" which means that the crowd is to remain silent, the coaches are facing opposite the stage and prepared to listen. it also meant that this was TRULY it. it was all on me now. the next few moments were like something out of a movie. you know the biopic where the hero is faced with his "one shot" and everything takes on dreamlike proportions. the room was silent. all I could hear were the sound of my boots climbing the few steps to the stage and the pounding of my heart in my chest.  I felt as though I were under water. I tried to remember to breathe though I'm not sure that ever happened. a stage manager plugged the 1/4 inch cable into my guitar, I turned to face the band, smiled wildly, gave the thumbs up, turned to face the crowd and did my best to let this moment etch itself permanently into my reverie. the drummer tapped out the 3 beat intro and we were off. all at once, this was like any other show I've ever played. for a brief moment I was able to forget about the 'stakes,' the coaches, the competition. I was merely a performer on a stage. a very big, well lit, amazingly sounding stage. and then I opened my voice and had no idea what was going to come out. "Trouble..." oh man. the battle my subconscious was waging with my voice was in full swing. I couldn't believe how nervous I sounded. I instantly had to reassess my breath, my tone and ultimately my mojo. it took me a few lines before I honestly felt I had a handle on things. still, I couldn't help but think, even if ever so briefly, that this was not going to go well. just as I felt I might actually be capable of turning this thing around by getting out of my head and making an honest effort to get one of these coaches to turn around, my worries were over. the crowd, having the advantage of seeing how the coaches were responding, seemed to have gotten extremely excited moments before I was able to realize what was happening. I heard a huge eruption from the audience and then saw that one of the chairs was actually turning around. holy s**t. this is really happening. I've done it. but I couldn't remember who sat in the first chair and having not worn my glasses on stage, I couldn't see the name on the back of the chair. who is it? who the hell IS it?? by the time I realized it was Adam, I glanced over to see that both Christina AND Blake had turned around as well. HOLY F'ING BALLS!! this is REALLY happening!! then it dawned on me that I was barely to the chorus when all of this was going on. I had roughly 60 seconds of "Trouble" to get through without worrying about keeping my eyes open or staying 'on' the microphone. all I had to do was show them what it is I do and have been doing for so long. THIS was easily one of the greatest moments of my life. though apparently it had room for improvement because just I was reaching the 'big finish', Adam jumped out of his chair and pressed Cee Lo's button. I guess he had been holding out though seemingly interested with his hand over the darn thing for most of the song.  

Christina

having discussed at length the potential of Christina either recognizing me or not, of course now my head was spinning, wondering what, if anything she was going to say now that we were once again, face-to-face. it would have to wait though because Adam was up first. he asked me my name 3 times! for some reason I guess they were unable to hear me. again, thinking that at any minute Christina would have some kind of reaction or realization as to who I was... still nothing. Adam was extremely flattering, said that I was going to have an amazing career and that he wanted to 'be a part of it.' Cee Lo merely pretended to be the Godfather and seemed to enjoy saying the name 'Tony LUcca', with the emphasis on the LU. he extended some rather flattering compliments as well. then it was Christina's turn. she started off very eloquent and thoughtful. she said some really wonderful things about my voice and my performance but it slowly became clear to me that she did not recognize me or for some reason had decided to not express having known me, possibly out of fear for it seeming inappropriate. I don't know but I was really surprised by it all and had to proceed as though it had no effect on me. Blake rounded things out with even more truly encouraging words, making me feel like I had every right to be up on that stage, and clearly deserving of all 4 of them turning around. I stood there, realizing that it was my turn and that I was now able to decide who I should work with. as much as I would have loved to get the opportunity to work any one of them, it certainly would have been interesting, if not somewhat complicated choosing Christina. seeing as though she didn't seem to recognize me, let alone make a case for why we should work together (again,) I decided to go with the obvious. I said, "well it's awfully hard to deny someone who pushed 2 buttons. I'm gonna have to go with Adam." and that was that. he jumped up out of his chair, ran up on the stage, gave me a big hug as I sincerely thanked him. he said, "you're incredible. I can't wait to work with you!" really?? c'mon! this is all too crazy. 

after my Blind Audition, the producers escorted me to where my wife Rachel and our son Liam were watching with Carson. I ran into the room to big hugs and tears of excitement and a nice 'congratulations' from Carson himself. we got to talking about my career and what's "taken so long" and how this seemed like the perfect opportunity for me. then Carson asked about Christina. "what's up with that?" just as we started to speculate, the door flies open and it's Christina, screaming in disbelief. "I am SO Sorry!! I cannot believe I didn't recognize you!!" with that we literally took a stroll down memory lane. she got all nostalgic about Mouse Club, things she remembered. I introduced her to my family. she made a shameless plug for the talent of MMC right into camera, the whole 9 yards. I couldn't believe it. neither could the producers. it was all too much. I couldn't believe that all of this was actually happening. 

the rest of the night was quiet and sobering. it felt as though I had been shot through the barrel of a gun and after all that anxiety and pressure, I was now peacefully soaring through the air, never to come down again.