Oscar is seen talking into a webcam, offering encouraging words for young gay people. His message: though realizing your sexual identity can be tough, life will get better. But as he's recording his message of empowerment, he's interrupted by Dwight who accuses Oscar of merely trolling for sex partners. He's followed by Kelly who wants to see herself on camera. Then he's interrupted by Robert California who disparages what he sees as Oscar's oversimplification of the complexity of human sexuality. Finally, Kevin interrupts them, causing Robert to bump his head. Oscar sighs and explains that it may not look like it, but it does get better.
Dwight announces he's giving the building tenants a gift: free family portraits. A professional portrait photographer sets up a makeshift studio and begins taking endearing shots of various office members with their families. A few of the staffers show up, but others are dubious. Jim in particular is reluctant to bring his two small children in, knowing that Dwight is always looking for an opportunity to harm him in some way.
Two of the old warehouse workers, Glenn and Hide, meet with Darryl hoping to get their old jobs back. They've squandered all their lottery winning on a failed venture: an energy drink for Asian homosexuals.
A much disheveled looking Andy shows up in the office. His dress is ragged and he's clearly despondent. He's returned to beg Nellie for any kind of job in the office - no matter how demeaning. She relents, telling him to clean the carpets. Andy reveals to the interviewer that he's got a delicious secret. His janitor outfit is a disguise.
To Jim's dismay, Pam shows up with both kids; they're headed for the free portraiture. The photographer takes the picture; Dwight wishes the Halperts well, and they're on their way - much to Jim's surprise. Next, Senator Lipton arrives with baby Phillip, lured by the notion of a good photo opp.
Angela is especially suspicious of Dwight. She believes that Dwight's conjured up the free family portrait studio to lure her baby there so he can grab a DNA sample. She suspects Dwight is out to prove he's the baby's father. Impossible, she says, since the Senator is the only man she's ever been with. In the studio, Dwight wants to comb the baby's hair - but Angela waves him off. She does the same when he offers to cut the baby's fingernails. But when the baby needs a diaper changed, Dwight knows he'll have his sample; he sneaks the dirty diaper out of the restroom after the Senator changes the baby. Dwight races down to his car and tears out - with Angela in hot pursuit.
Upstairs, Andy readies himself for his big announcement by making himself appear more pathetic than ever. He gargles some whiskey then proceeds to spill soup on himself in front of Nellie. It's a bit over the top, Erin warns him. She cautions him to "calibrate" his behavior to the new role he'll be taking. It's revealed that Andy convinced David Wallace to buy Dunder Mifflin - and install him as the new branch manager. They'll be making the announcement today. Andy's disheveled appearance is intended to provide a stark contrast to his ascension. Perhaps too stark, in Erin's eyes.
The staff is assembled in the conference room, ready to have a serious talk with Andy. Knowing that Wallace is due in a few moments, Andy maintains his despondent demeanor. Erin tries to support the ruse, offering that Andy's been miserable of late - and taking it out on her. The crowd turns on Andy, who has to back Erin down off the accusation.
Finally, Andy gets a call from Wallace: he's not going to be able to come today. Andy pleads, but it's no use. He hangs up and announces to everyone that he is going to take his old job back as regional manager. His former co-workers are shocked at just how delusional Andy's become.
Dwight speeds off with the purloined diaper, calling ahead to his DNA lab. Meanwhile, the free portraiture continues: Kelly and Ravi coo like lovebirds for the camera, while Ryan hold a pathetic sign declaring his love for Kelly.
Lo and behold, Wallace does show up. The staff peppers him for confirmation of Andy's wild story. David confirms it's true and starts discussing details of the transition. Andy can't let the big moment pass. He continually tries to create a larger-than-life moment with himself as the center of attention. But Wallace is all business: Sabre is being liquidated, he tells the staff. Robert California is caught off-guard by the news, but quickly introduces himself to David (using a fake name) and offers to brief him on the company. Andy strips out of his soiled janitor clothes to reveal a beautiful suit underneath. He's gone from janitor to manager is just minutes.
Dwight manages to throw Angela off the track, decoying her with another car that resembles his own. She follows the decoy car and confronts the driver - only to discover it's Dwight's cousin Mose behind the wheel. Angela begins beating on Mose, but he won't reveal where Dwight has gone with the telltale diaper.
Meanwhile, Darryl has upped his game in the pursuit of warehouse manager Val. He declares to Val and her boyfriend Brandon that he's officially pursuing her. Brandon insults Darryl, but it's clear Val's impressed by Darryl's bravado. Later, when Darryl is having his portrait taken with his daughter, he invites Val to be in the picture. Surprisingly she joins them, grabbing Darryl's hand with an affectionate squeeze.
Andy retakes his old office. His delicious moment is at hand after all. Nellie sits across from him and pleads for kindness. She begins quoting Shakespeare, clearly striking a tender nerve in Andy's heart - much to his displeasure. Somehow she convinces him to hire her as a special projects manager.
Robert and Wallace emerge from the conference room. David announces that Robert is leaving, but will be working on an important new charity: seeing college-aged girls (particularly gymnasts) in developing countries on their paths through to college. Wallace has donated one million dollars in matching funds for Robert's three-year good deed mission. Robert bids his former staff goodbye and awkwardly kisses Andy before leaving.
Angela finally finds Dwight at a testing lab; he's planning to wait the 72 hours until the results are in. As she gives in and sits next to him, she sneaks her hand into his. Moments later, they're kissing passionately.
In the lobby of the office building, Oscar bumps into Senator Lipton, who's carrying the baby. He asks Oscar why he never called him. Oscar mumbles that the issue he was concerned about had been resolved. But the Senator interrupts him. "You know what this is about," he says seriously, casting a seriously enticing gaze at Oscar. "Call," he demands before walking off.
Dwight raises suspicions by offering free portraits; Andy returns with some self-satisfying news.