By Creed on April 19, 2012 at 12:37
For instance you can pour a bunch into a glass bottle, and boom: instant maracas. I actually played the penny maracas with a band called Crap Kidney back in '79. It all started one day when I was sitting on the steps of the library, shakin' some pennies around in an old A&W bottle. Honestly I was just doing it to annoy this librarian broad who refused to go bowling with me. The drummer of Crap Kidney just happened to be walking by and thought it sounded like heaven on earth. He had me join the band right then and there. My maracas brought a fun Latin flare to the group, so they renamed me Creedo Castillo. I've never felt sexier. I got to tour the entire state of Minnesota and some of Iowa with that band, and I owe it all to pennies.
And it doesn't stop there, folks. You can melt your pennies down and make a real groovy pair of brass knuckles. I whipped some up for my grandson and let me tell ya, he was king of his preschool 'til he got suspended. You also can check the tread on your tires, use them to balance an uneven table or a wobbly coffin, put them in your brassiere to enhance cup size, or even throw 'em in your breaker box instead of replacing an old fuse. Sure it might cause a fire, but if it doesn't, you just saved yourself fifty bucks! So think about that before you go and say pennies are useless, cause that's the biggest load of garbage I've heard since some jerk told me Atlantis "never existed." It most certainly did, and guess what their preferred moolah was? Actually it was squirrel pelt and feta cheese. But if they had known about pennies, it would have been pennies.