The Office TV Show Series on NBC: Creed Thoughts

What’s better than a good old-fashioned cookout? Maybe a duffel bag full of unmarked twenties, but besides that, nothing. I used to run a summer camp over on Martha’s Vineyard for a few years. Best business I ever had. Rich idiots would drop off their little ones at this spot I found in a state forest and then they’d pay me to babysit the kids for the day. We had all kinds of fun activities, like Sprint Races, Instructional Walking, Move These Rocks, Singing, and Full-Contact Red Rover Red Rover. I didn’t want to waste my profits on something stupid like food for the kids, so I had to find a way to get some grub on the cheap. That’s when Crafty Creed got to thinking. Why not make money off of this untapped pool of adorable labor I was sitting on?

Most people have a thing against bugs, but not me. I love the little guys. The way I see it, there’s more of them than there are of us, so you have to respect them just in case. If they ever got their stuff together, they could really do some serious damage. I’m talking city destruction, livestock relocation, and political domination here.

If I had to pick my favorite bug it would have to be a spider. They’re creepy as all hell but real smart, too. I lived in a barn once and there was this one spider who I made friends with. Real classy dame of a spider. We’d talk about life and love and music. She was really into Jefferson Airplane. After our talks, I’d fall asleep and wake up to find little messages written in her web and that’s how I formally learned to read.

I’m a big fan of snacks. Meals are great, too, but who has time to sit down and eat a whole ham these days? That’s why I get most of my chow from the Vending Machines. Fills me up and it doesn’t empty my wallet. I don’t get why it’s just food in there, though. Why can’t they throw a pair of briefs in the machine for a buck? Sometimes mine break down and I don’t have next month’s pair with me, so vending machine skivvies would be the perfect replacement.

Here’s what I know: People buy a lot of stuff from vending machines. Also, I know a lot of people who are really into misdemeanor crimes. Makes them feel alive. So I want to make a special line of vending machine snacks based on people’s favorite crimes. They’d be delicious, exciting, and fun for kids.