The Office TV Show Series on NBC: Creed Thoughts

Almost winter. Time to turn my tennis rackets back into snowshoes. Or maybe it's the other way around. Either way, I wish those looky-loo's at the Y would mind their own business.

Every time I have a hard day, I just have to remind myself that I'm that much closer to achieving my childhood dream of terrorizing kids driving around in vans solving mysteries.

Man, dinosaurs really got the shaft huh?

Meg Ryan still won't return my calls. Meg if you're reading this, I made a huge mistake. It's all my fault. It's two parts rum, not one. I'm so sorry.

And now I'd like to do a segment I like to call Creed's Feeds. We're talking eats folks. Let's dish on grub. They have peanut butter but not peanut margarine. Why is that? Some of us are watching our figure. And where is my peanut orange juice? The only stuff I can find has pulp in it. Yuck.

The worst part about being a chocoholic is that it's so hard to find good chocohol. Though after some digging, I managed to track down a few leads at Chocoholics Chocononymous. Chocolicious!

Rice is a staple. Beans are a staple. But staples aren't. And rice and beans make terrible staples. Trust me.

This has been Creed's Feeds.

Turns out they're not all flying squirrels. Miss you Bucky. For a moment you were among the clouds, which is more than most of us can say. You were and still are my inspiration, truly the wind beneath my wings. Just wish you had had a pair yourself.

For a long time, I've been told that I have a screw loose. Well I finally found it! It was on my toilet paper roll holder. So I tightened it and it no longer wiggles. Glad I found it. It's been driving me crazy for years! Thanks for all the letters of concern!

The song Puff The Magic Dragon is about exactly what you think it's about: the post-colonial effect on the exportation of the culture of Southeast Asia.

That wraps up another round of Creed Thoughts. Wait a minute... who took these? These are my thoughts. Get your own! Who's been stealing these? I'm so angry right now I could Puff an entire Magic Dragon.

XOXO, Gossip Creed

People always say, "Hey, Creed, what's the toughest part about keeping a blog?  Is it coming up with things to write about?  Keeping a regular schedule?  Keeping it fresh?"  Actually, the hardest part for me is remembering the password.  So after a few tries, I'm back in!  And, boy, do I have some thoughts!

For instance, they say an apple a day keeps the doctor away.   Actually, it depends.  Because I find that some watermelon each day keeps the podiatrist away.   And ever since I started eating plums, I have yet to run into a cardiologist.  Coincidence?

Like Mary, I used to have a little lamb. Unlike Mary, I skewered that sucker on a spit and had some delicious mutton for a week.  (It wasn't so little).  Hey, don't blame me, blame the dumb lamb that wandered onto my property.

It's election season.  I would tell you who I'm gonna vote for, but to tell the truth I don't think I'll vote.  They always hold elections on a weekday and I can never take off time from work.   I'm surprised anybody can get elected with this system of ours.

Did you ever see that "take a penny, leave a penny" bowl at a cash register?  I always take a penny.  It adds up.  Took me 17 years, but I was finally able to buy a fairly nice pair of khaki pants.  Thanks, AM/PM!
 
One last thought: There's no such thing as a free lunch, but if you go to the Holiday Inn on Ramsay Road between 6 and 10 in the morning there's a continental breakfast and they don't ask questions if you carry a suitcase and some old plane tickets and look like you're in a rush.

Take a look at your friends.  If you don't think you could pull off a decent white-collar crime together, it's time to make some replacements.

Air fresheners are a real waste of dough.  If you're looking to make your house or tent smell tasty, the best thing you can do is scatter bits of fresh baked codfish everywhere.  Trust me, people will notice.

I keep hearing about a bunch of panthers playing football down in North Carolina?!  Now that's something Ol' Creedy has to see for himself!  I always sort of suspected panthers were hiding retractable thumbs, those sly bastards...

Weird but true: I've discovered the best way to cure hiccups is to confess to a stranger about all the motor vehicle theft you've been involved in.

I tell ya what, it's real hard to make friends as you get older.  Last week I decided to take matters into my own hands by writing "free to a good home" on a cardboard box, putting it by the road and sitting in it.  Unfortunately that didn't work.  So instead I put on my wetsuit, sat on the curb and waited for someone to take me snorkeling.  That didn't pan out either, but I did get to talk to some five-0's who seemed pretty boss after they agreed not to take me down to the station for questioning.

I found this groovy badge at a motel that says, "Do not disturb."  I've been wearing it around my neck, but it's not working.  Guess I need to find co-workers who speak English?

Summer's ending, which is a real bummer.  Here's one thing you can do: tip your head back in the shower and get a bunch of water up your nose.  It's unpleasant and you'll probably get an epic earache, but it'll feel like you just went swimming, swear to Hendrix.

On that same note, fall's almost here.  Time to sew all the sleeves back onto my shirts.

You may not have known this, but I'm one of the most feared names in toe wrestling.  I've been training a lot this year, and if I don't medal at the Toe Wrestling Championship it'll be a real drag, man.  I guess there's always the shin-kicking contest to look forward to...

I've been hearing a lot of people talking about "Plan B" lately, which freaks me out cause I don't even have a plan A.

Book idea: mystery.
*Reminder: booby trap apartment before leaving for vacation.