The Office TV Show Series on NBC: Creed Thoughts

I don’t know about all this green stuff. I’m more of an indigo man myself. I will tell you this, though: I’m all about recycling. When I lived up in Maine for three years, recycling was my main job and the lessons that I’ve learned have stuck with me ever since. Number one lesson: cans are not just cans. They’re nickels, in can form. You wouldn’t throw away a nickel, would you? Not a chance. So why do people throw away cans? I have no idea. What I do know is that I supported myself for a long time on those cans and I might even say that I owe my life to them. If I wasn’t collecting cans, I can only imagine what I would have been collecting. Probably infectious diseases.

Bottles and cans aren’t just free money for the opportunistic among us. They also work as a great security system. When I go to sleep at night, no matter where I am, I spread a circle of crushed cans and empty bottles around me. That way, if anybody tries to mess with me or my stuff, I’ll hear those bastards coming. I also use thumbtacks if I can afford them.

If anyone knows how to get chocolate out of hair, let me know. I fell asleep on top of forty Fun Size Milky Ways last night and now I’ve got nougat everywhere. I already tried peanut butter, but that just made my hair into a different kind of candy. I’ll make you a deal: you get it out of my hair, you get to keep it.

Parents always freak out about crazy people giving their kids apples with razorblades hidden inside for Halloween. Those parents are idiots. If you’re getting a free razorblade inside your apple, you shouldn’t be complaining. And if you really want to impress me on Halloween, give me some licorice. That stuff hits the spot.

I don’t know how, but I found myself at a concert on Saturday night. I started out at Poor Richards with a few Long Islands, picked up some onion rings from the cafeteria over at Marywood, and out of nowhere I was grooving along to some tunes at Battle of the Bands. It was the first time I’ve been to a concert since the turn of the century (this one) and it freaked me out.

Don’t get me wrong: I love music. Music is the only thing I can really remember for at least half of my life and I couldn’t live without it. Concerts, on the other hand, are like magnets for big dudes with hard fists. I had to swear them off -- too many jagged bottle cuts will do that to you. Concerts make me feel like a warrior and sometimes that’s not a good thing. Especially in the eyes of the law.