The Office TV Show Series on NBC: Creed Thoughts

They say the Friday after Thanksgiving is the biggest shopping day of the year. Not for the old Creedster. For me, Black Friday’s when I work out all my problems. I don’t need to waste my cash on fancy “therapists” or “court-appointed analysts.” Instead, I just suit up and get ready for battle. That’s how I celebrate the fourth Friday of every November.

This year, I didn’t even go to sleep after Thanksgiving. I was so jazzed up from the massive portion of cranberry sauce that I couldn’t stop pacing. At around 2:30am, I decided it was time to start getting ready. I wrapped my body in newspapers and Black Friday ads until I had a good enough base to know I’d be okay if anybody had a shiv. Then I started gathering my weapons. Instead of brass knuckles (which I always lose), I found these really sharp plastic spider rings that were leftover from Halloween. For poking and tripping, I grabbed a cane from one of the geezers at the soup kitchen. [SIDE NOTE: People underestimate the value of old man weapons. I’m allowed to walk around with a cane anywhere I damn well please and that cane comes in handy, let me tell you. It’s just one of those social conventions that works in favor of the elderly – same goes for early bird senior specials at restaurants.]

Picked up a digital camera the other day, just in time for the holidays. I hope the guy who owns it doesn’t miss it too much.

I took my motorized scooter out for a little ride over the weekend. Riding that thing in the cold November air makes me feel like a champion. It’s tiny and red and helps me get ladies better than a puppy, which reminds me that I need to get a puppy. I rode all over town and ended up with fifteen phone numbers. One of the broads didn’t even have most of her teeth. I’m going to call her first.

I lose my glasses all the time. It drives me nuts. I’ve tried all the gadgets – neck-straps, RecSpecs, etc. – but nothing seems to work. So this week, I’m trying something new. I’m going to take a little crazy glue and glue the bridge of my glasses to the bridge of my nose. That way, I’ll never lose my glasses again. Also, they won’t slip down my nose, which is my second biggest pet peeve about glasses. When I want to take them off for my weekly shower, I’ll jump into the sauna at the JCC and the glue will just melt away. It’s foolproof. Once I’ve tested it out, I’m going to start selling Creed’s Spectacle Glue all over the country. I’ll make thousands!

Sometimes I wear my glasses to look smart in front of ladies. Other times, I wear them to see better when those ladies bend over.