A lot of blue-collar guys have toolkits to help them do their jobs. The kits got whatever tools they need to get their jobs done – hammers, screwdrivers, jaws of life, etc. As a guy that doesn’t build things or fix things, you might think that I don’t need a toolkit, but you’d be wrong. I have my own kit that I carry around with me every day and I’ve pared it down over the years to just the bare essentials.

1. Nail clippers. I don’t know about you, but my nails grow crazy fast. That’s not even why I carry the clippers, though. Clippers are great when you need to cut something, like a wire or a chain, and you don’t want to be seen carrying something bigger. Sure, they’re not the strongest things in the world, but trust me, they get the job done. Not only that, but they provide a great cover for anything you’re doing. Let’s say, hypothetically, that you’re trying to get in somewhere you’re not supposed to be and, all of a sudden, some fatso security guard comes walking through. Do you freak out? No way. You just pull out your clippers and start clipping your nails. Who are you? Just a normal guy trying to work on his personal hygiene. It’s perfect.

2. Gauze. Gauze is a great accessory. If you get hurt, put gauze on it. If you want to make people think that you’re hurt, wrap a little gauze anywhere on your body and boom – instant sympathy. Nobody ever bothers to look under gauze. Ever. If you get tired, just whip out that roll of gauze and use it as a pillow. It’s incredibly soft. I’m not even getting into its obvious uses as a bathroom helper. You know what I mean.

3. Business cards. They don’t have to say your name on them. Mine don’t. Mine say a bunch of other people’s names. I just pick up a few every time I see a stack of them somewhere. The point isn’t to tell someone who you are, it’s to tell them that you’re a professional. When you hand someone a business card, they know you mean business. That’s why they’re called business cards.

My toolkit comes in handy almost every day. I don’t go anywhere with it. Now that you know what’s in my toolkit, I’ve got to ask – what’s in your toolkit?

I’m sorry to say it, but I stopped writing my yeti story. It just got to be too much of a hassle for me. I mean, I’ve already got a job. Who needs two jobs, you know? I realized that I never became an adventure writer because every time I tried, I’d get bored and the whole thing would fizzle out. In case you were wondering, young Creed was going to capture the yeti and put him in an airplane circus and become a millionaire. It made me kind of depressed just thinking about it because I should be a millionaire, but I’ve never been able to find any yetis to capture. I’ve still got time, though, I suppose.

So last week I shared the first part of my adventure story, Creed and the One-Armed Yeti Pilot, and I know I left you all wanting more. If you missed last week’s story, go back and catch up or else none of this will make sense to you. I’ll wait.

Now that you’re all caught up, here it is, the moment you’ve been waiting for like those Paddle Off dogs who wait for the bell to get hungry: Creed and the One-Armed Yeti Pilot Part Two: The One-Armed Yeti’s Lair.

I grew up reading adventure stories in the back of comic books and my whole life I’ve wanted to write those suckers, so this weekend, I decided I was really going to do it. I said “I’m going to follow my dreams and write adventure stories in the back of comic books!” That is, until I found out that comic books don’t have adventure stories written in the back of them anymore. Apparently, it’s a lost art. Pretty sad, really. Also, the comic books these days are racy. They’re like pornos. I was shocked. I’m a pretty liberal guy, all things considered, but the stuff these cartoonguys do to robots and octopi. Man oh man. It’s pretty sick. Anyway, I decided to start writing an adventure story anyway. I hope you like it.