The Marriage Ref

It's an unusual love story, even for Florida. Susan met Jim when he was out collecting metal, covered in filth. They moved in together a week later. Flash forward to today: their Kissimmee home is…eclectic. Amidst the offbeat furnishings is Jim's pride and joy in the center of the living room: a gleaming Harley Davidson motorcycle. He adores it.

"I can see it from my bed, through the double fireplace. It doesn't yell at me, it's never irritable."

Sue is past irritable. "I can't entertain anyone in this living room. It's embarrassing to me. I'm sick of it!" she yells. "You don’t have respect for me. The bike doesn't have a brain—you're supposed to!"

Natalie Morales explains that Jim doesn't keep his bike in the garage because the garage already has two bikes in it—and the Harley is special. As we get another look around their house, we notice Jim's very domesticated cat relieving himself in the toilet.

Kelly can't stop thinking about the cat. "If she can train the cat to use the toilet, she can train him to take the motorcycle outside."

Alec's fascinated at the entire scene. "This is the Royal Tenenbaums. All we need is Gwyneth Paltrow smoking in the bathtub."

Jerry is a little more understanding. "A man gets close to his motorcycle."

Alec responds. "I like whales, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna have one suspended from the ceiling."

Jerry's got an idea: "It would be great to see him riding around on it in the living room."

"Or he could start it up. Varroom, varoom. I can't hear you!" Alec jokes.

Tom explains that there's more to the story than just a man and his relationship with his motorcycle. Jim's got another obsession: Mariah Carey.

Mariah Carey

Sue doesn't mince words. "Mariah Carey knows she's a no good hussy and I know she's a no good hussy. He has me I don't know why he wants Mariah Carrey. I want this witch out of my house."

Jim remains sequestered in the bedroom, watching his beloved Mariah on the DVD player. "Mariah Carey is the world to me. It's the fantasy. It's almost like a drug. It's very soothing."

Sue confronts him again. "I don’t want to see you staring at her. Before I met you I hated Mariah Carey. You're involved with Mariah Carey!"

The taped story ends and Tom quizzes the panel for their take on a man and his twin obsessions.

"He's a meatball," Alec observes before proposing a solution. "He needs to get on his motorcycle, put on some Maria Carey music on the headphones and take a very long ride. I vote for the wife, lose Mariah Carey and lose the motorcycle."

Kelly warns, "I think Mariah Carey better back off."

Jerry's torn. "I think if he'll get rid of Mariah Carey, she'll let him have the motorcycle, maybe just move it to the corner of the room a little bit."

Tom summons the Burns by satellite, where we see a smiling Sue and an equally contented Jim, who's petting his beloved cat.

Tom makes his call to Tom. "A motorcycle in the living room is beyond insane. Blasting Mariah Carey videos in front of your wife, I have to say, is inconsiderate. But Jim, the way you defend yourself without raising your voice shows your love for Susan. To me you're like Batman, I just feel better knowing you're out there. The bike and the videos stay, you win!"

Susan's crestfallen, while Jim proceeds to snuggle and kiss the cat. And then kiss it again. Watching, Tom changes his mind. "Jim you lose everything!" Apparently the Marriage Ref can be mercurial.

The Burns received a Second Honeymoon on a Royal Caribbean Cruise. For more information on Royal Caribbean's Explorer of the Seas or Mariner of the Seas, please visit royalcarribbean.com.

Travel journals coming soon!