My life has been so abundantly blessed because of The Biggest Loser. Because they took a chance on a broken, overweight former teacher, I have truly found new LIFE. In my new life, I now have the opportunity to travel all over our great country talking with all kinds of groups... grief groups, schools, health and wellness communities, and several churches. (I've been in four states in the past 11 days...) When I started this whole new endeavor, I had no idea what to expect. In fact, in the beginning, the speech writing was so emotionally draining I didn't know if this was the path for me. Boy how those feelings have changed! This whole process is analogous to my weight-loss journey in so many ways... It's overwhelmingly hard work in the beginning, but the payoff is so very worth it! Getting to meet people in the flesh and look them in the eyes "feeds" me more than I ever dreamed would be possible. With this newfound epiphany I feel compelled once again to encourage, implore, beg... whatever must be done... for YOU to live your best life.

I watched the recent episodes with Sam and Sunshine's eliminations. The overriding message remains the same... they are living their best lives! The Biggest Loser remains successful because we are inspired by watching other people do what we want to do because deep down, it tells us that WE can do it too. Despite all the obstacles and hurts in this world, there is so much beauty to be had when we shift our focus. I had to shift my focus from what I had lost to all that I HAVE. No, I will never be thankful that my family is not with me here on this earth... ever... but I will say that I am so thankful for all the wonderful things I have been blessed with since that time. Your mind and perspective are the most powerful tools you have in your arsenal. Michael comes to mind when I think of this idea... for a time he was focusing on how far he still had to go on his journey. How easy it is to feel overwhelmed and stuck... but what joy came when he focused on his accomplishment... 204 pounds LOST! That's amazing!!! Use your attitude to allow you to create the life you have always wanted!

One last thought to leave you with... I hear over and over and over again, via the show and in meeting people, that they don't take care of themselves because they are taking care of everyone else. Maybe it's just a matter of semantics, but my perspective differs here because I would give anything to have my family to take care of... I say that, NOT for pity, but only so you hear my "heart" in what I'm about to write. To me, it's not about putting yourself first... or putting yourself last... or putting yourself in the middle for that matter. It's about putting yourself in the equation. When you take care of yourself you are better able to serve your family, your friends, your community, AND yourself. I firmly believe we are put on this earth for a reason and purpose. If our focus is only on ourselves we miss out on the best parts of life. A great life is ours for the taking... let's EVERYONE take the world by the tail!

Watching O'Neal tonight brought me to tears. To see that kind of raw pain... Sometimes I think it's harder to watch someone hurt than to actually feel the hurt ourselves. I can't imagine suffering the onset of such an enormous loss in such a public venue. I applaud O'Neal for being so real and open with his emotions. His willingness to express his pain in such a healthy way paves the way for healthy grieving and the ability to eventually move forward. As hard as those feelings are to face head on, they must be felt and dealt with. So many people when they meet me say that they know their loss or grief is not as "bad" as mine, but I disagree. Hurt is hurt, plain and simple. When something completely rocks your world, be it the loss of a loved one, the loss of a job, a divorce, a break up, or whatever, it hurts! The easy way out is to simply not deal with it. The problem that arises is that then you can never heal from it... which makes things much harder in the long run.

When you are in the midst of grief, you seek things to make you feel better... even if they are temporary fixes. For me, I sought comfort in food. Other people escape through alcohol, drugs, throwing themselves into work. Whatever keeps you from feeling the pain and allows you to escape the hurt is not healthy. I urge you to allow yourself to feel your grief... at your own pace, and deal with it appropriately as it occurs. As hard as I ran from the pain, it eventually caught up to me and sucked the joy from my life. But just like the food battle never goes away, the grief battle doesn't either. It is an ongoing struggle that must be faced, felt, and dealt with. It's certainly not easy, but it is worth it, because life is meant to be lived fully and completely.

This past weekend, a new, dear friend of mine posed a hard question. Though things may not be well with your circumstances, is it well with your soul? Today I can answer yes. Though my circumstances are not perfect, I find joy in the small beauties this world beholds, and it is well with my soul. I pray for peace and wellness for YOUR soul.

Next week's episode brings you to the great state of Texas! You will also get to see a glimpse into my hometown of Mabank as well as the local high school. Jillian was incredible with so many of the students, and it was amazing to bring her into my slice of life. It was definitely a "do-over" day when we filmed, and I'm looking forward to getting to relive it next week.

One of the most common questions I'm asked is, where do you find the motivation? First and foremost, motivation is NOT a feeling. Motivation is a choice. Actions provide feelings, not the other way around. Feelings often impede action. Different things will push and drive you on different days. Some days when I was on the ranch or even when I was back at home, I would re-live that homecoming moment in my mind to finish up a grueling workout. Knowing people were supporting me, mattered. Other days, when I would do a walk/jog at the local walking track in Mabank, I would think of my husband and kids watching me run just a little farther than I had the day before, and it would push me to go just a little farther. My husband was not a fan of sweating... at all. Sometimes I would laugh as I was running picturing him smiling and shaking his head at this whole endeavor, but knowing all the while, he would be so proud. All those thoughts kept me motivated.

I think (as a former teacher I must give the caveat that I know I shouldn't start a sentence with "I think"... I should just start, but it sounded so bossy without it) to stick to any kind of exercise plan, you have to find something that "feeds" you. There must be a payoff of some sort, or the change won't last. Let's face it, exercising and sweating aren't really "fun." It's more about making you like yourself more when you're finished. Maybe that's the answer I should give from now on... I stay motivated because I like me more now. I like me more after I finish a body combat class. I like me more after Marc, my trainer, gives me a beating, and I leave with a smile on my face. I like me more even when I struggle through a body flow class. Choosing to go to the gym, even when I'm tired or having a bad day, becomes easier because I know how I will feel after... regardless of how I was feeling before. Through this entire journey, I've been liking me more and more. And that, is what keeps me motivated.

What motivates YOU?

This past week I ran into an old college friend at the airport. What a blessing! Augusta and I hadn't seen each other in over fifteen years. She has always been an athlete, and we laughed as we remembered our attempts to walk together those many years ago. She's 5'11" and I'm 5'3 1/2"... Needless to say, I could never keep up with her at that time. She maintains a healthy lifestyle working out five to six times a week. Before Biggest Loser, I just assumed that thin, fit people were naturally that way. My way of thinking has changed... though there may be the occasional person who appears to be able to eat whatever they want and remain thin; most of the time people are working at it. There's really no secret to fitness. It requires eating healthy foods, counting calories, and living an active lifestyle. Is it easy? Nope. Is it worth it? ABSOLUTELY!

Speaking of making the lifestyle change... Casting for The Biggest Loser is upon us. Vicky Vilcan and I will be at the New Orleans casting call this weekend. We would love to meet you if you are there. Many people have asked how the process works and what they should do during the audition. My best advice is to 100% be you!!! The audition process is not for the faint of heart. You will have to do much soul-searching as well as get questions answered and video together. First and foremost, ask yourself, why you want to go on the show. You'll need to be able to answer that question in under a minute during the open call. Different casting directors have different casting methods, but knowing the succinct answer to the previous question will help. My second suggestion is to have fun! Meet the people standing around you, enjoy the day, and make lasting memories. Life is all about the journey...

My last random thought for the day... this idea applies predominantly for women, unless of course you are a man and carry a "murse." How often does your shoulder and back hurt after toting your purse around for the day? Lately, regardless of how many times I clean my purse out, it gets heavier and heavier. In my attempt to remedy this problem, I came to the realization that coins are heavy. Today I took the majority of the change out of my wallet, and miraculously, my purse lightened significantly. I am happy to report no back or shoulder pain today! A little random I know, but I figured if it was a problem for me, it was a problem for others... just thoughts.

Let's see if I can tie all this together... hmmmm... not really coming to me. Guess I will simply wish everyone a great week and leave you with the following quote, "Life can only be understood backwards but must be lived forwards," Soren Kierkegaard. ONWARD WE GO!

What I loved most about this episode was seeing the friendship between Cheryl and Sherry. How cute are they?!?! Maybe I connected so deeply with their bond because I know that bond firsthand. While they never showed Shay and I staying up into the wee hours of the night talking, giggling, crying, venting (that was mostly me).... it was and is real. When I describe my relationship with Shay to people, I say she's the sister I never knew I had, it just took me 35 years to find her. How thankful I am to have found her!

Shay made my journey on the ranch complete. I felt an instant connection with her before we had ever spoken a word. When she shared her story with the group, for the first time since the wreck, I felt true empathy for another person. That was a huge moment for me. We became roommates and our friendship grew. She listened when I needed an ear (even when she was exhausted) and gave advice when I asked. Her counsel helped me work through so many things I needed to deal with. Needing other people and asking for help, being the biggest lesson. When I was on crutches for weeks, I was frustrated that I couldn't work out in the gym or train like everyone else, but my biggest frustration came from having to ask for help.... help with fixing food, help with carrying my plate to the table, help with laundry, help with just about everything imaginable. (I have to give a big shout out to Rebecca for all the loads of laundry she did with the best heart!) She helped me see that it was okay to need and love people again; that despite my loss, I could not shut people out and do everything alone.

As the contestants worked at the food bank, they spoke of what it meant to them to connect with others and give back. That's really what life is about, isn't it? Relying on other people when you need help and giving back when you can. Sometimes you're the giver and other times the taker. It's almost as if you have to experience one to enjoy the other. This week may you be at peace with whatever role you are currently in. Let's all keep "Working it out!"

The scale can be cruel at times. What really struck me most about this week's episode was the emotion evoked during the weigh in. Certainly being on the Biggest Loser campus creates a live or die by the scale feeling. Often times we put that same pressure on ourselves at home. I was talking to my dear friend, Rita, the other day who is pursuing her own weight loss journey. She talked about her own encounters with the dreaded scale. Why is it we let a number have so much power??? When I got home from the ranch, I weighed 201 pounds. For two weeks, even though I stayed the course with diet and exercise, I did not lose a single pound. Frustrating was an understatement! Luckily by that time, I knew the process worked even if the scale wasn't cooperating. Eventually I broke through the plateau and started losing weight again. If the scale is not your friend, stay the course! Count your calories, workout hard, and you will reach your goals... I promise!

Like I've said time and time again, putting yourself out there is scary! I like to read the last chapter of a book after I've read the first chapter. I know, you're probably cringing at the thought, but I like to know the end. It helps me enjoy the journey of the book.... Unfortunately there is no last chapter to read in the book of life for assurance. I urge you to feel the fear, face it, and ultimately go through it! Find a mentor or friend to hold you accountable and encourage you. There is power in a team. UNITED WE STAND!

How many times in life do we let circumstance dictate our response? Hard times, loss, tragedy, and basic unhappiness are rampant during the course of our lives and can be used as an excuse to give up. One of the lessons I learned during my time on the ranch was I am much stronger than I knew. Before going on the show I had reached my "rock bottom." Grief had consumed me to the point where I had, for all practical purposes, given up. I wasn't taking care of myself. I was doing what I had to exist and little else; however, deep inside me I knew I desperately wanted more from life. Despite having lost the most important people in my life, there was a nagging feeling that I must move forward in this life of mine. I couldn't control how I "felt," but I decided that taking care of myself physically might help in the healing process.

You may find yourself in a similar situation... feeling hopeless and helpless. You may think that you are hurting so deeply you don't know where to start. I urge you to do whatever you have to do to get your life back. You do not have to be a prisoner in your own body. Even in light of terrible circumstances, when you CHOOSE a positive response, you empower yourself to create the life you desire. Weight loss cannot be about just the physical changes. Let's face it, getting healthy and changing former habits is hard. That's why for me it had to be about a bigger goal. Living life to the fullest was my heart's desire, and as I type these words, I can honestly say that's what I'm doing... living. As I was driving down the road the other day with the top down on my car, maybe dancing a little, I thought, "I'm happy today." Though I will never be the same person I was October 12, 2006, I am so much better than I ever thought possible on October 13, 2006. You, too, can be better than you ever thought possible!

I cannot wait to see the Blue Team at the finale. These women have such beautiful spirits that transcend the television screen. They are choosing to take difficult circumstances, make no excuses, and get more from life. What a treasure to get to watch their success unfold. My wish for everyone struggling in life, is for you to taste that same success! You are fearfully and wonderfully made! YOU are stronger than you know! Choose differently today! This the first day of the rest of your new life!!!

Because these people, myself included, chose to take on a very public transformation, it's easy to think of the contestants in terms of characters rather than people. But that's just it.... we are all just regular people trying desperately to change lives by any means necessary. As I watched previous years of The Biggest Loser, I thought, wow, that looks really hard. Little did I know just how hard it was until I experienced it firsthand.

Yet again I am inspired by the strength of the human spirit. Koli and Sam... WOW! What heart! Not only did they will themselves up 120 feet to get the opportunity to reconnect with family, when they pushed that wheelbarrow up the hill I felt like I was right there with them. How many times in life do we think we can't do something only to find out, yes, we can? Or do we stop before we get the taste of success? So many times in life we are faced by obstacles that seem insurmountable. I firmly believe there is very little we cannot overcome with a little grace and a plethora of determination.

Of course it wouldn't be my blog if I didn't quote Jill. The fact is sometimes we will fail... but that's okay. "If you aren't failing, you aren't trying hard enough." Sometimes in the midst of our failures it's hard to learn that lesson. I vividly remember failing miserably during my first workout. Jill had ahold of me for what seemed like an eternity.... which probably equated to about 20 minutes. The last thing she had me do was hoist my body up while holding onto the treadmill underneath. I was sweating from every orifice of my body, including my hands. As much as I tried, I could not hold onto the bar. Might I add that at one point she was standing on me... I promptly fell. To her credit, I vaguely remember her not putting all of her weight on me, but my own bodyweight was more than I could handle. As I fell to the treadmill more than once, I recall feeling like a complete and utter failure. It wasn't until I was recently working on a speech for the Landry Center that I realized the lesson intended: I failed that day, but that did not make me a failure. Giving it your all and it not being good enough in a particular instance doesn't have to define you. Putting yourself out there and giving it your all when you don't know if you will succeed makes you better. It makes you wonderfully flawed, imperfect, and ALIVE.

My challenge for everyone this week is to REALLY give it your all. With reckless abandon, take a chance. Do something you don't really think you have the ability to do. One of two things will happen... you'll fail and grow from the experience, OR you will show yourself that you have more in you than you think. I pray for the latter!

When Jill was working with Migdalia and said, "Only strong people show their emotions. God created feelings for a reason. Emotions must be felt, expressed, and moved through. Tears don't make you weak," I felt like she was talking to me. I have a terrible way of intellectualizing emotions rather than feeling them. To give a little background, I was a full fledged crybaby growing up. If someone hurt my feelings, I cried. Not a great thing in junior high... makes you an easy target for being picked on. Throughout time I began to believe tears were a sign of weakness, and I fought them with every fiber of my being, sometimes successfully, others not so much. Throughout this process, I have had to rethink my truth about tears. I have learned that tears are healing. Feeling emotions, both good and bad, and expressing them are a part of truly LIVING. It takes enormous strength to live a full life.

A weight-loss journey is about so much more than losing physical weight. While I understood Miggy's concern about not wanting to change her personality and just wanting to get healthy, my hope is that after having time to reflect on the entire process, she sees it differently. In order to become truly healthy, in all areas of your life, you are changed. It's not that you change your personality; you just become the best version of yourself. You get to know yourself on a deeper level by shedding former self truths and ultimately create new ones.

Following up on that thought about truths, I feel compelled to address the exchange that occurred during the weigh-in. From my couch-side view, Bob and Jill weren't upset that Melissa threw the weigh-in; they were upset that she didn't admit that she threw the weigh-in. The fact is, The Biggest Loser is part game. There is a monetary prize at the end. One could justify water loading to better ensure staying on the ranch. Even if you choose to play the game, you can still have a life-changing experience... if you get real with yourself. A major part of this process of getting healthy and losing weight is owning up to what you are doing and taking responsibility for your actions. In the weight-loss arena, you have to get real with yourself about what you are eating and why you are eating it. You have to get real with yourself about the intensity of your workouts or the excuses you make for not working out. While facing and telling the truth may be hard in the moment, it makes life easier in the long run.

This week I encourage everyone to FEEL your feelings... be they good or bad. Let's live in the moment, get out of our heads, and feel our feelings head on. Let's get real with ourselves, imperfections and all. Let's L-I-V-E!!!

Dictionary.com defines fear as a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.

As Dr. H talked to each of the contestants about their health issues, I vividly remembered having a similar conversation with him myself. If memory serves me, it was early during week two when I was accosted with the knowledge that my prior choices were, in a nutshell, killing me. What sticks out even more in my mind is lying in bed that night and realizing that I wasn't scared of dying. Because of my belief system and everything that had happened in my life, I knew where I was going, and quite frankly, death would be easier. Then it came to me... I was scared of living. Fear set in when I thought of moving forward with my life without my family.

Jillian's moment with Maria in the pool was pure magic. Moments like that compel viewers to tune in each week. To watch someone face their fears head on and conquer them gives us all hope that we too can overcome. This lesson of overcoming fear came at the perfect time for me. I'm still figuring out how to move forward in this life of mine, and lately I have been almost paralyzed with fear as I branch out in a new direction. While I faced and overcame so many fears in my Biggest Loser journey, real life has just begun, and along with it, fear rears its ugly head once again. Even as I write these words, there is a sense of fear... how will people perceive these words? Will they think me weak? But as I get these thoughts and fears out of my head and onto the page, I gain strength because acknowledging the fear allows you to face the fear.

What do you fear? I urge everyone who reads this blog to write down all the things you are afraid of. Sometimes things seem less scary when you identify the fear and allow yourself to feel the fear. Currently I have numerous fears: Fear of my ability to maintain this healthy lifestyle, fear of the uncertainty of the future, fear of endless changes even though many are extremely exciting. If I had to pick my biggest fear though, it would be fear of failure. Four years ago I was in a comfortable spot. I had a plan. I was confident in my abilities and failure was never a real thought. How I wish I had a formula or magic words that would explain how to eliminate apprehension. But life isn't easy.... It's an ongoing process where we are forced to continually face our fears, and we have a choice, we can ignore them and allow them to control us, or we can face them and ultimately overcome them.

Though I have been feeling the fear as of late, today I am choosing to face those fears. Today I am going to ask myself, what do I have to lose by trying something new? Today I am going to trust myself enough to take a chance. Today I am not going to try... I am going to do. Let's all take a deep breath, kick fear in the face, and dive in the deep end. SSSPPPPLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSHHHHHHH!!

In the first moments, as each team had to weigh in for the first time in front of their families, friends, and communities, I was instantly struck by their courage. They were having to get REAL with themselves in the most public way, and hence began finding their inner warriors. It's one thing to weigh in for the first time in a secluded gym with strangers all around, it is quite another to don a sports bra and spandex or go shirtless in front of people you actually know. But that's the thing, in order to be successful in this process, you have to be willing to get real with yourself. And to really be real, you can't hide or be ashamed. You have to step on the scale and see where you are. For everyone at home wanting to get healthy, change your life, and lose weight, I challenge you to take pictures shirtless or in a sports bra and shorts, step on a scale, and take measurements. See where you are... really. No more hiding! You are taking the first step to finding your inner warrior.

As each new person shared his or her story with the group, the resounding theme was people felt unworthy of love or had a fear they couldn't be loved because of their size. Whether true or not, perception is reality. On some level, everyone wanting to get healthy and make a life change wants more from life. But in order to get a different result, we have to do something different. The dreaded "change" word. Change is scary. Ask yourself this, "If I had to live the rest of my life just as I am now, would I have lived a full life?" If the answer is "no," then NOT changing is far scarier. This journey is not about becoming thin and magically feeling happy. This journey is about admitting those deep-seeded fears, facing them, and learning to love yourself where you are now AND where you are going. Warriors feel the fear... they just learn to face it. Is there a warrior within you? ABSOLUTELY!

Finding your inner warrior takes more than feeling. It requires ACTION! What is something you have been scared to do? Do you not take classes at the gym yet because you think you can't keep up or people might stare at you? Take a deep breath, get there a little early so you can find a comfortable spot, and do your best. Who cares if you can't do the whole routine? You are doing more than you would be doing had you stayed at home fretting about whether or not you were going to go to the class. And as far as people staring at you... my experience is that most folks are caught up in their own little worlds or are too worried about what other people are thinking about them to worry about you. Don't let fear hold you back! Are you afraid of failing? You've tried to get healthy before, lost the weight, then gained it back? So what! Today is a new day. That warrior inside of you may be just a whisper today, but the battle cry yell is waiting to get out!

Throughout my journey on The Biggest Loser, I was forced to get real with myself, face my fears, and take action. While I'm still working to strengthen my inner warrior, and some days it's a whisper for me, I know it's there. I also KNOW that an inner warrior exists in YOU! Though it's an arduous road at times, YOU are worth it! In the words of Cheryl, let us all give a resounding, "ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Here we are with a brand new season of The Biggest Loser. It seems like only yesterday I was stepping onto that bus realizing that this was the first page of a new chapter in my life.

That first week on the ranch is a shock to everyone. The players can expect to go through junk food detox from all of the crud they put into their bodies for years. They will be extremely exhausted, and emotionally and physically sore from the workouts. They will be living in a house and cooking in a kitchen where everyone pretty much walks around in a zombie-like state, part from exhaustion and the other part from trying to figure out what to eat!

All in all, the first week on the ranch is an emotional rollercoaster. From the joy of being afforded the opportunity to change your life, to the challenges and workouts, to living with people you barely know, building new friendships, realizing the desperate shape you are in, fighting for your life by staying on the ranch, to knowing the pain of sending someone home or almost being sent home each week. Friends, you are in for a very BIG upcoming season of The Biggest Loser! My closest friend from the ranch, Abby Rike, will be joining you as your blog host! I would love to keep you updated but I will be continuing on my journey of weight loss and new health with my challenge from Subway! I will be stopping in from time to time here on the blog to give you insights and first-hand experiences. Until then, sending much happiness and health your way!