What's up all you stars, studs, and Celebrity Apprentice watchers!!

I just finished watching episode one and it is safe to say that everyone is themselves. What you see is what I lived. I mean Cyndi is as crazy as her hair. Sharon is as fiery as her hair. Donald is as funny as his hair. And Bret come on, don't get me started. There was a lot of hair and humor in this season. As a kid growing up I was a huuuuge fan of Cyndi Lauper so when I saw her that first day I wanted to jump up and down, but unfortunately that would not have been proper. This is a competition and I am trying to beat her. (Really, I just want her to sing to me every day and lullabies at night). Well, I wanted Bret to sing me lullabies too but I think maybe that would have been a completely different show. Yes, I too watched "Rock of Love" with the rest of the world. Looking around at the cast that first day I have to say I am star stuck. Hearing Sharon Osbourne's voice alone and I am giggling like a teenager. Then, there was Curtis Stone who also made me giggle but for a different reason. Maybe it was because he is smoking hot, Australian and can cook. I hear that he is good with his utensils. Note: if my man is reading this I just like to look at the menu not taste it, unless it is Curtis' menu which was delicious in this episode. Anyways, after that drooling session, it was down to business. Task at hand; win Celebrity Apprentice, make money for charity, not get fired and conquer 13 celebrities who could kick my ass. One of whom literally could kick my ass, Bill Goldberg. That man is amazing and intimidating-looking but a total teddy bear who gives, gives, gives. Furthermore, he is a former pro-wrestler and so he also knows the code. "Even when a person punches you in the face and you have broken your nose, you look them square in the eye, shake their hand and say thank you. You mean it and you go back into battle tomorrow. It is about respect." To see evidence of this, check out the part where Goldberg thanks everyone for coming to the diner in this episode as do I. It is weird but through all the crappy travel, hotels and fast food, you learn respect while you are in wrestling.

Episode 1 begins and the first thing that strikes me is how good everyone looks. It is shot really well. It is amazing to be so close to these wonderful celebs. What you didn't see on this episode is that everyone goes into detail about their charities and just how passionate everyone is about them. Also, you don't see how awkward we all are saying hello. Ha, ha. Mr. Trump walks in and I was just so thankful to be there. Mr. Trump asked me if I wanted to do the show when he came to a WWE Live event. I thought it would be an honor so here I am. We found out that we have to pick out the men's project manager which is interesting but then I think the men are definitely gonna pick me to be the women's project manager. I think they probably don't know who I am. That's okay, I will just have to show them who I am. I am woman, hear me ROAR!

We got to the work room and it was nice and cozy with a clean fancy bathroom. It was easy to pick Bret for the men's project manager. The man only had an hour of sleep. It would be so nice to win this task to start the season. Picking the team name was the funniest thing I have ever done in my life up until that point. I noticed Sharon crawling under the table and Cyndi continued to yell out history babble. I thought Carol would really have a lot to say being she is a writer and probably one of the best linguists out there. (She was a writer on a little show called "Seinfeld.") But, Carol was quiet and Cyndi was not. There were so many great names and so many horrible nonsensical ones. Endurance, Tenacity, and Invincible were some great ones in particular. Ball Busters was one name that for some reason we couldn't get cleared. So, Tenacity it is and let me just point out that Trump liked our name better.

Moving on to the restaurant. Cyndi was our project manager. Let's see how the wild woman Cyndi does with management. After the jobs were handed out Selita and I headed downstairs. To the food dungeon we went. I was so impressed by the fact that a supermodel can cook and enjoys food. My kind of hot woman! Selita ended up peeling four million potatoes and did a million other food prep things. Right behind her I was the meat woman. I ground 200 pounds of raw beef for hamburgers. It was not a job for the faint of heart or the weak bodied. I have always found manual labor to be relaxing but this manual labor was just gross. I think maybe I will be a vegetarian after this. Ha, ha! NEVER!! I also made my personal recipe for tuna salad. That is what Joan Rivers ate and loved! 10,000 dollars, baby. Eat your heart out boys with your fancy truffles. I did think to myself at a certain point that this would make a sexy photo shoot. Selita, myself, potato peelers, meat grinders, 200 pounds of raw meat, aprons and chefs hats... mmmmm.... GQ? Maxim? After watching the men in this episode I was surprised how calm they were. I was also surprised that Carol called us "DUMB BITCHES," really? You don't know us yet. We are unique in our own field and no one in our group is a restaurant mogul. Sharon Osbourne a dumb bitch? I would like to see Carol call her that to her face! Day one done, 300 hamburgers, 20 pounds of tuna, four million French fries and lots of scars in the making. Selita burned herself a million times making those fries. Lucky for airbrushing, those fry scars will vanish in a moment.

Day 2: It was only a few hours before opening the restaurant. What you didn't see on the show: we bought flowers from a flower shop across the street, we bought balloons from across town, we set up and we did four radio interviews. I did Opie and Anthony in the morning. Those guys are crazy!! Thanks guys for the help!! The WWE fans all came out after I was on Opie and Anthony!

Then the store opened. It was funny watching the episode because it was crazy to watch and even crazier in person. I laughed when I said, "Thank God for boobs"--they are real by the way, because that is very much my thought process. I was using any means to get this job done. It was unbelievable in there. Carol. Oh, Carol. You were taking care of the counter. Wow. Come on lady! Everyone else was sweating like pigs. Cyndi singing and busing tables. MY personal favorite moment of Episode 1: Sharon was serving and seating people. Holly was taking care of the most important thing to win: the money. Summer and Selita were in the kitchen. We were all sweating and Carol was on vacation.

On to the boardroom. I was feeling good. Team Tenacity is a strong, hard-working and smart group of women. Well, Carol. Dumb bitches? Sitting there we were all a little apprehensive. I always get feelings about a person's character and now, if we lost, I knew what I would have to say. Team Tenacity lost. Booo!! I was sooo disappointed. I was mostly disappointed for Cyndi because I wanted her to win money for her charity. Mr. Trump started asking us all questions and I knew what I wanted to say but, I didn't want to be the first to speak up. I did it anyways. Bye, bye Carol. Please, write more shows like "Seinfeld" that I could work on but, I don't want to ever work in a diner with you again. You're fired! Those are some scary words in the boardroom. All and all, I wish we had won but I am glad Carol is gone. I can't wait to see next week's episode. Just a little tip, next week is the best!! Thank you all for reading my blog and I will talk to you next week.

Maria Kanellis