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Ron Swanson's Uses for Canvas
Shoes
If you don't have the necessary skills to make them yourself, just take some canvas to your local cordwainer and tell him what you want. And yes, I suppose if you can't find a cordwainer, a cobbler can do it in a pinch.
Shelter
Canvas makes a splendid covering for your favorite lean-to design. I'm partial to the fly tent, but the Finnish loue and German Kohte are fine choices as well. The canvas won't keep out bears or other predators, though. You'll have to be a man and do that yourself.
Clothing
Shirts, pants, hats, jackets, sweaters, socks, undergarments, tuxedos. You name it, I have worn the canvas-fashioned version.
Rafts
If you have a strong sheet of canvas and two logs, you have a boat that can get you around the world. I suppose you also need food and water, but you get the idea.
Legal documents
A contract written on canvas is second only to a man's word in durability.
Toilet paper
I will not explain myself.
Quilts
The Swanson Quilt has been in my family for nine generations. One simple reason: its location is a secret. Even from me.
A blanket
For women and children only.
Gift wrapping
The person gets two gifts: the canvas and the canvas that you wrapped the canvas in.
Halloween costume
Poke two holes for eyes. Place on top of head. You are a ghost. Or: poke one hole. Place on top of head. You are a Cyclops. Or: poke zero holes. Carry canvas around with you. You are a canvas salesman. There are many options.
