Problem: Broken Stair in the House

Problem: Broken Stair in the House

Ron: Pull up the damaged treads and remove the nails. Replace with a new, unfinished hardwood tread. Cut to fit, naturally.

Problem: Broken Stair in the House

Andy: They're called legs for a reason. Just step over the stair. Problem fixed - and time saved - by leaving it alone! Like appendicitis.

Problem: Loose Doorknob

Problem: Loose Doorknob

Ron: Usually, the retaining screw holding the knob to the spindle becomes loose and needs tightening. Also, check the face, strike and/or latch plates to make sure they're on tight.

Problem: Loose Doorknob

Andy: Remove the door. Bonus: if it's a door to the outside - free AC!

Problem: Cracked Gutter

Problem: Cracked Gutter

Ron: Trace the leak to determine the exact spot of the break. Cover the cracks and/or holes with premixed cement. Smooth excess cement with a putty knife. Cut aluminum sheet into pieces slightly larger than the cracks. (Assuming gutter is aluminum - alter sheet to match original fixture. In my mind, however, "primary aluminum" is the only acceptable type of gutter metal.) Apply roofing cement to the ends of your cut sheets, then press the sheets to the cracks and hold firm until set. Use putty knife to smooth cement. Apply caulking to prevent future leaks.

Problem: Cracked Gutter

Andy: Maybe I'd try throwing something at it?

Problem: Leaky Sink

Problem: Leaky Sink

Ron: Fasten a new washer to the stem, making sure not to scar the metal. And then it's as simple as replacing the original packing nut. A working sink is true craftsmanship.

Problem: Leaky Sink

Andy: Take paper towel tubes, cut them in half, tape them end-to-end and funnel the water into the toilet. If the leak is bad enough, you can have G.I. Joes slide down it into the toilet like a waterslide!

Problem: Electrical Failure

Problem: Electrical Failure

Ron: Switch the tripped circuit breaker back on or replace the blown fuse, if necessary. If replacing the fuse, unplug anything attached to that circuit, then cut the power. Remove the blown fuse and replace with the exact same rated amp fuse.

Problem: Electrical Failure

Andy: Pitch black make-out session with the wife and wait for the power to come back on.

Problem: Light Bulb Burned Out

Problem: Light Bulb Burned Out

Ron: Are you kidding me? This is a problem needing advice? Get a new damn light bulb from the store and screw it in.

Problem: Light Bulb Burned Out

Andy: Take working light bulb from another lamp and put it in the one that doesn't work.

Problem: Wobbly Table

Problem: Wobbly Table

Ron: Place the table on a hard, level surface. Identify the problem leg. Measure the length of the leg. Be precise. Grab your factory-reconditioned power belt sander and shorten the other three legs to that length. Swanson Tip: I like to leave the sander running for the rest of the night. It helps me sleep.

Problem: Wobbly Table

Andy: Leave table on street for someone to take. Cruise around town with wife looking for better table that someone else threw away.

Problem: Missing Tile on Floor

Problem: Missing Tile on Floor

Ron: Scrape and vacuum out any tile or glue residue left in the hole. Apply a 1/8-inch thick layer of tile adhesive to your replacement tile. Be sure not to put it any closer than 1/2-inch to the edges of the tile. Press tile into position with a wiggling motion to spread adhesive. You'll also need to mix your own tile grout. I have my own grout recipe, but I cannot share it. It functions differently than all others. I've already said too much.

Problem: Missing Tile on Floor

Andy: Put a rug over it. Rugs are the best way to cover things in a house. They are like that stuff girls put on their faces to cover stuff.

Problem: Rust Build-up on Faucet

Problem: Rust Build-up on Faucet

Ron: Replace the faucet. I seriously can't talk to you if you don't know how to replace a faucet.

Problem: Rust Build-up on Faucet

Andy: Yeah, there's nothing you can do about that. This one is a stumper.

Problem: Loose Molding at Floor Level

Problem: Loose Molding at Floor Level

Ron: You could cut a new strip, stain it and affix with a strong wood glue, but there's actually a simple, inexpensive and effective "home remedy" for this - just chew a piece of bubblegum and use a small piece of it to affix the loose molding back to the base of the wall. It'll work like a charm.

Problem: Loose Molding at Floor Level

Andy: I just chew bubblegum and stick it back together.