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January 27, 2005
Communicating in Stressful Situations
"In the pace and pressures of business today, it is not uncommon for emotions to run high in the workplace. It is not acceptable, however, for disagreements to escalate out of control and take the focus off of the bottom line and away from the goals of the organization," said Edward T. Reilly, president and CEO of American Management Association. Reilly offers the following communication techniques to keep stressful situations in check:
Identify the issue, not the emotion. Ask the individual to explain the difference in opinion and indicate by your tone and comments a willingness to work to resolve the conflict.
Ask questions about the nature of the problem to better define it. The best questions to ask are open-ended ones; that is, ask questions that require more than a "yes" or "no" reply. Once you have brought your differences to the surface, you can work toward closing them and resolving the conflict.
Give the other party time to vent-to a point. Acknowledge the person's right to be upset, but don't let the conversation get out of control or cycle again and again. Listen respectfully and take notes. When the person finishes talking, rephrase the nature of the issue. Don't raise your voice. Maintain eye contact.
Organize your thoughts. Thinking before you speak allows you to respond in a calm and collected manner rather than saying something that will further inflame the situation. You want to defuse the other party's anger and emotions and create an environment in which reconciliation can take place.
Don't take the disagreement personally. Remind yourself that the conflict is not about you-it's about a specific situation and the reaction of the other party. Focus on the issue, not the emotion. And approach the incident as a problem-solving situation.
Don't review old history. Rather than discuss what the other party did wrong or defend your own position, focus on how you can both work together more productively in the future.
Identify ways to resolve the problem. Ask the individual to help you choose a pathway to resolution. By involving the person in the process, you gain his or her commitment and develop a stronger relationship than if you had simply done what it took to achieve resolution by yourself.
Focus on points of agreement. Identify the needs of the individual and discuss what should change on both sides.
Identify a diplomatic way to close the conversation. Not every conversation with an angry or emotional individual can be closed without antagonizing the other party. In some cases, you may have to agree to disagree and allow both sides the right to maintain differences.
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