Episode 8

Now, I’m hardly what you’d call a “feminist” (and believe me because I’m prepared to be slaughtered for this statement), but I’ve often thought we may have really screwed up an entirely good situation somewhere along the line with feminist righteousness. Sometimes it’s even driven me downright mad when thinking about it. For example, when did men stop opening doors for women, calling two days before a date or standing up when you left a dinner table? When did men stop acting like gentlemen and women stop acting like ladies? When did women start acting so tough? How did it all go so wrong?

At some point I chalked it up to thinking, “Well I guess if we want it all, that’s the price we pay. No special treatment in the workplace either. If we want to be equal to men, we have to be treated like them.” Then it hit me like a bulldozer. “Treated like a man? This is awful!” What happened to the good old days? Men stepping aside to let the woman go first, escorting her to the door, picking her up for a date (and paying for it – forget this going Dutch nonsense), flowers, presents, cards? The whole shebang!

What happened along the way? I mean let’s face it, men and women ARE different. We have different wants, needs, thoughts and approaches to life, but that’s what makes us great in and out of the workplace. After having over a decade of experience as a professional woman working in NYC it really began to wear on me. “I’m a woman damn it and I want to be treated like one! Not like some iron pumping man. This feminist crap is for the birds. Why did these Feminazis have to push the envelope this far to make a point?”

I had actually started to resent the fundamental definition of feminism…UNTIL RIGHT NOW, THAT IS! (Thank you, John!) You had actually been one of my favorites, but I have to say that you fell nothing short of acting like a self-serving, egomaniac, male chauvinist buffoon on this episode. And although Mr. Trump didn’t fire you because of it, he should have! I was disgusted!

Is this why women had to become so tough, to deal with men like you? Where are you even from? Because let me tell you, any of the working women I know in this city would chew you up for breakfast and spit you out for lunch for one tenth of the rhetoric that came flying out of your mouth. I mean, who says this?

“The hotter the chicks I have with me the better off we are.”

More “chicks”, are you kidding me? Who the hell are you? You were lucky to even have them with you! These “chicks” blew your low-balling ideas away, you self-serving poser with your faux rock chain wallet. Yet God forbid you listened because you were too busy talking about YOU! And it gets better, folks. Let’s review the other degrading comments and undermining bravado John had to spew…

“Stephanie has a purpose, she’s basically… she’s a fluffer.”

Oh, as opposed to the brilliant job you did underselling Gene Simmons and telling him about the childhood drawing you made. Yeah, that really wowed him. I’m sure he hasn’t heard that about 20,000,000 times before. Great job! Then, with even more audacity, you continued with this type of blowhard commentary…

“I’m going to put my big hat back on and stick my feather back in it because it’s time to pimp some girls.”

“Why don’t we do this the easy way and one of you guys gets giggly and says, ‘Oh I don’t know. It’s like, I hear your stuff on the radio, but I don’t know anything about anything.’”

What in the hell are you talking about? Do you have ANY idea how obscene that statement is? I’ve had a long and successful career working in the same industry featured in this episode: music and entertainment. A decade, as a matter of fact. So let’s just assume there ol’ Johnny boy, that even as a woman, I know a little bit about what I’m talking about. Have you ever heard of a press kit? Well, let me explain. Record labels spend millions of dollars a year to send them to promoters, editors, advertisers and executives to educate them on the bands they are trying to sell. Then those same people use them to make educated decisions on how to approach the talent. One of my best friends is the Editor and Chief of SPIN magazine and, hold on to your feathered pimp cap John, she’s a woman! She works with the industry’s highest ranking decision makers and artists – and let me tell you, neither she, nor I, got to where we are by acting giggly and claiming we don’t know anything about anything! If I could have jumped through the TV, I would have choked you myself, right then and there, after pulling your head out of your ass! And there’s more. It actually gets better...

“If that’s what it’s going to take, I will sell these women to you right now.”

Now, I don’t know whether I feel furious, disgusted or speechless, but I do know that not only were your comments uncalled for and inappropriate, but the only person who looked like a “fluffer” in the negotiations was YOU! Gosh John, maybe if you had breasts and a cute rear end, you might have gotten a special KISS color-coded backstage groupie pass with this type off ass kissing.

“If you want to bring your drums, that would be cool because I’d just like to play some. ‘Cause I haven’t seen mine in a month and I’m kind of freaking out about it.”

Oh yeah, that’s what the band wants to see when speaking about their money and time – you, the poser musician (or poser “businessman”, whichever it is), jump on their drum set in the middle of negotiating a deal. Oh that’s professional, John. Of course we can’t forget what real effort you put into the task when you reminded us of the following…

“We go to deal with the bands and thank God I brought my chain wallet, my kind of hipster wear. ‘Cause I know the last thing a musician wants to see is a suit. I am a drummer. So I did not want to look like an exec at a record label.”

Oh thank God for your outdated chain wallet John, it really helped! When the girls were aiming high, Mr. Bravado chimed in (yanking his chain ~ literally), “Why don’t we settle for what we can get?”

John, you seemed to have one idea and tried to sell it to everyone. A house party? It’s been done about 100 times and ten years ago to boot. It’s an old and washed up concept and you undersold it. Even the bands thought it was “boring”, but I suppose you were too busy telling them about your drum set and club days.

Sorry to be this harsh, but this whole episode just boggled me on so many levels. Like I mentioned earlier, I’ve had a good long run working in this industry. I’ve worked for SPIN magazine, Rolling Stone magazine, US Weekly, Maxim and VH1 to name a few. Yet never in all of my years as a professional woman in the workplace had I ever been treated with, or treated anyone else with, such absolute and utter lack of respect as John displayed in this episode. The amount of “dumbing down” simply killed me. Not only did he consistently degrade the women, but he also approached the talent with the intellect of a 15 year-old. And that’s an insult to 15 year-olds.

I’ve even worked with many of the artists that were showcased, including Eve, Lil’ Kim and Gene Simmons – and I’ve actually been good friends with Moby for years. And let me tell you, these musicians are a lot more than dudes “that look like they just fell face-first into a tackle box”, (hold on, my stomach is turning), rather they are some of the hardest working most professional people in the industry. They know more about contracts, negotiating, residuals and marketing than some Harvard grads out there. Yet you treated them like grade-schoolers offering them candy. It was ridiculous!

Then you insisted on taking off your suit for your “hipster wear” because you didn’t want to look like some record exec? You were there to do business, not hang out backstage with the band. Don’t try and put yourself on the same level as Gene Simmons. This man has made multi-million dollar deals with some of the most powerful CEO’s in the country. He is one of the greatest marketing geniuses in the entire world. KISS is more than a band. After over 30 years they are a huge empire and nothing short of it – and you absolutely looked like a pompous uneducated groupie in his presence.

With that said, goodbye John. I’m sure there are plenty of used car lots you can go sell at wherever you came from and I bet you’d be really great at it. On your departure, I’ll leave you with your own words from last week’s episode, “I’m sorry. Thanks for coming out. Have a nice day. We have some lovely parting gifts for ya!”

As for the rest of you, I apologize for not spending more time on this commentary discussing your hard work, but you all did a terrific job – and that goes for both teams. Chris, even though you lost as PM, you worked hard and definitely had some great points in the boardroom. You impressed Donald and that’s a major feat. Kendra, my “under the radar player”, you stepped up and did a great job as PM. Congratulations on a well-deserved win!

I’ll see you all next week, best of luck!

Your Apprentice Alumna,
Jennifer D. Crisafulli


Comments may have been edited

^ top