Episode 4

Really guys, I don't even know where to begin. When I agreed to write this commentary, I thought long and hard about my approach in covering this season. Then I made a clear and conscious decision that I wanted to be very empathetic, understanding and have a humorous spin on how you may be portrayed or on any glaring mistakes you may make, knowing that these tasks and what you all go through is so much more difficult than what the audience at home can ever comprehend. I never wanted to put you down with any sort of egocentric bravado.

However guys, this week's Dove task really did me in. It's taken me several days to come up with a humorous spin to a double-team failure and still I am at a loss for words - which for those who know me, know that this is nearly impossible. (There! A little dig at myself to help ease the pain).

With that said, I feel as though I want to try and keep this week's commentary short and sweet if only out of utter disappointment. Please know I always want to remain on your side over the "powers that be" because I've walked in your shoes. But I unfortunately have to say that you guys really, really just plain sucked at this task, all of you. Whew, that was so tough to say, but it's just so true. You have to admit it yourselves. What were you thinking?

A "double failure"? No reward? One team didn't even have to be THAT MUCH better than the others to steal this win, but no one did. Almost impossible!!! An Apprentice first! It's actually insulting for those of us who came before you and were fired miserably - at least out of a simple Apprentice credibility factor.

Magna, thinking out of the box is one thing, but making a bad 70's-looking porn themed national commercial for a multimillion dollar corporation that's trying to sell to the masses is completely another. You used and washed a cucumber as a phallic symbol in a kitchen? How does that work for clean and fresh Dove body wash? Are you kidding? Before you started "thinking out of the box", you should have thought a little bit more about Dove and the FCC. I'm just asking for a little common sense here please. I hate to say this, Book Smarts, but put down your damn book and watch a little TV (commercials included!) This is a capitalistic country for heaven's sake. Advertising is the backbone of today's economy. Get to know the ins and outs of this immediately before you go into business. You'll need it.

Now, Net Worth, I happen to think your commercial was the lesser of the two evils. Why DT ultimately chose to fire someone from your team is beyond me. I nearly fell over with that decision, but then again, he's the boss. The only reason I can give is that Erin "gave great boardroom" and kept her team united in front of the big guy. That's all he really got to see in the end and I believe that's why he did what he did. Where's Danny with an "unbelievable" here?

Back to Net Worth. John, the rising star, came up with a pretty clever idea that was just implemented poorly by the whole team. But John, I did see you in the war room acting out washing your "face" with the Dove "body wash". I'm a big fan of yours, but don't completely point the finger at Kristen here for screwing up your idea. Sure, the humor may have been lost a bit, but it was the whole "washing of the face" with "body" soap that had everyone's panties in a bunch. Other then that, it looked like she basically did exactly what you told her to do.

Now Kristen, although you lost the humor of the ad, you came off as a bitch and were ultimately fired. But people ganged up on you too and I don't believe you were totally in the wrong here or deserved to be fired on this task. You were strong, stepped up to the plate and took the bull by the horns. However, that was also your biggest mistake. When you take too much on, you're sure to go down with the ship when it sinks. Plus, with friends/teammates like Audrey, who needs enemies? From the beginning of the task, she didn't seem too interested in helping you win, but rather she seemed very interested in getting you fired! You probably should have kept John by your side and sent Audrey anywhere else. Big mistake. John is strong, positive and ultimately could have helped you, or at least taken some of the heat in the boardroom when your train crashed.

Now, since I am totally annoyed at this task, I really want to end here. So I'll try and finish with this week's standout and my now popular "under the radar players".

Craig, are you even on the show? Where are you? Shining Trump's shoes somewhere? (Craig has a shoe shine company for those who don't know). If so, this "under the radar" low-key approach, I bet, will get you to at least the final four. I don't like or dislike you. I don't even see you, my friend. My bet though, you're a keeper and will last as long as Alex - my new official under the radar player. Alex, I saw you talking, as usual, but not doing, as usual. Not a fan of this approach as I've stated before. But, you're another pick to go far because of it, unfortunately.

Erin and Bren? One in the same on this task and with that said, I like you both. But, all I have to say is you had Danny fired for not half as big a mistake as the both of you made on this task. Not even one tenth. Oh Danny, you've got to be rolling over in your Trump grave at this point.

Michael my friend, a stand out, but I hate to say this, I think if you lose next week, you're going down next! Trump has already said "everyone hates you" and Erin didn't even get fired with a porn commercial just because she "controlled" you. Probably not true and definitely not good! You screwed up with your team once, but you're actually one of the smartest players. Guess what? They probably should have used hot super models last week to sell coffee. Maybe your team would have had a chance. And this week you were the only one against the idea of cucumber porn, but unfortunately you have a bad boardroom rap now with DT. I'm bummed to see it happen. It's so frustrating to watch.

Kendra and Stephanie, again under the radar -- especially Kendra. Can we say, "make it far"? Watch this happen, folks.

Chris, okay, we got it. We know you're not gay. The whole world knows now. It will be okay. You're funny and passionate though. I won't hold it against you. Audrey, you cried and bitched like a pouting little girl because you didn't get to be PM. Too bad. But you still could have stepped up for what could have been an easy win - or at least a win, if you hadn't been complaining the whole time. Yet maybe your idea of a win was seeing Kristen get fired. Who knows? We didn't get to see a reward this time, so as a viewer, I lost - and that annoys me.

Angie, Tara and Tana - not a heck of lot to say, good or bad. We'll have to check you out down the line.

Well, so much for a short commentary, but you all deserved to have your mouths washed out with some Dove soap for this one! Not good!

Step it up, guys!

Disappointed,
Your Apprentice Alumna,
Jennifer D. Crisafulli



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