"Last night was Halloween, and in Greenwich Village hundred of gay men dressed in drag. In a related story, tonight is November 1st, and in Greenwich Village hundreds of gay men dressed in drag."

"If Judge Alito is confirmed as the next Supreme Court Justice there will be two sitting Supreme Court Justices from New Jersey. Experts say this could cause a reversal in the famous New Jersey case 'Mullet versus Back Hair.'"

"Yesterday at the White House, President Bush met with Silvio Berlusconi, the Prime Minister of Italy. There was one awkward moment when President Bush asked 'When does the sixth season of 'The Sopranos' start?'"

"This week at CBS, 88-year-old Mike Wallace and 74-year-old Dan Rather got into a shouting match while standing at the urinals in the men's room. Since Wallace and Rather were trying to pee, the argument lasted six hours."

"In Hollywood, police had a confrontation with Christian Slater, and Slater claims he fell off a one-story roof after a policeman stunned him. Apparently, the policeman stunned Slater by saying 'I saw your last movie.'"

"The other day, actor George Takei, who played Sulu on Star Trek, revealed that he is gay. After hearing this, William Shatner said, 'That explains his fascination with the Captain's log.'"

"Prince Charles and his wife, Camilla, flew to Washington, D.C. today to meet President Bush and the First Lady. Unfortunately, during the 21-gun salute on the South Lawn, Camilla got frightened, bolted and jumped over a fence."

"During a press briefing this week, a journalist asked President Bush what he carried in his pockets -- and Bush showed him that all he had was a handkerchief. Or as President Bush calls it his 'booger motel.'"

"Yesterday the city of Denver passed a law that allows people over 21 to legally possess up to an ounce of marijuana. Which may explain Denver's new slogan: 'People over 21 Can Legally Possess Up To An Ounce of Marijuana.'"

"Officials in the Philippines are charging the environmental group Greenpeace $7000 because one of Greenpeace's boats destroyed a coral reef. Greenpeace says it will pay the fine by selling off its collection of rare ivory."

"Earlier this week, a car that belonged to Pope John Paul II was sold at an auction for $700,000. The new owner says the first thing he's going to do is take off the 'No Fat Chicks' bumper sticker."

"'US' magazine reports that Britney Spears recently got so angry with Kevin Federline that she moved out of the house for a week. Apparently, Britney told Federline, 'Pull the house over, I'm getting out.'"

"Yesterday at the White House, President Bush met with Prince Charles and his wife Camilla. There was one awkward moment when Bush told Prince Charles, 'Hey, your mom looks even older than my mom.'"

"Political experts say that because President Bush has been having so much trouble with domestic issues his advisors are urging him to focus on international issues. As a result, today, the President had breakfast at the International House of Pancakes."

"Earlier today, Vice President Dick Cheney's former assistant 'Scooter' Libby pleaded not guilty to the charges against him. The weird thing is, since his name is Scooter, he's being tried in juvenile court."

"According to 'Golf Digest,' Tom Cruise is considered the worst celebrity golfer. Apparently, Cruise just can't seem to get it in the hole."

"Kevin Federline has recorded a rap album. Critics say he doesn't sound like an authentic rapper. They maybe right, because on one song, Federline gives a shout-out to his 'mobile homies.'"

"It was reported this week that when he was in college, Supreme Court nominee Samuel Alito supported gay rights. Apparently, his exact words were: 'Let's get Jen and Stacy drunk and see if they make out.'"

"Yesterday, Prince Charles and his wife Camilla visited New Orleans. As a result residents once again evacuated."

"There's a rumor going around that the reason Kirstie Alley lost so much weight was because she had her stomach stapled. When asked about it, Alley said, 'That's ridiculous. I didn't have it stapled - I had it spot-welded.'"

"Kevin Federline's rap album that won't be released until next year but his record producer leaked the single to the Internet. When asked why, the producer said, 'Why should I have to suffer alone?'"

"Janet Jackson is denying reports that she may have given birth to a child in the '80s but kept it secret so it wouldn't hurt her career. Janet denied this, saying, 'I kept it secret to hide the kid from my brother Michael.'"


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