"It was reported today that Michael Jackson wants to testify at this own trial. Before testifying, Michael said he's going to put one hand on a bible and his other hand on a boy named Timmy."

"If Donald Trump says he's considering an offer to taking a starring role in a Broadway musical. It's story of Trump's life and it's also called 'Hairspray.'"

"Tonight was the final episode of the legendary cop show, 'NYPD Blue.' So now the only middle-aged ass on TV is Terry Bradshaw."

"In Tennessee a man was arrested for running around naked in public covered in nacho cheese. This story is interesting because it combines the favorite dreams of both Clay Aiken and Ruben Studdard."

"A man was arrested in Wisconsin and was charged with having sex with cows. Police say the man identified himself as the husband of Star Jones."

"According to a popular dating service, the best way for a guy to get rid of the girl he's dating is to buy her underwear that is too big for her. When he heard this, Al Reynolds, Star Jones' husband said 'I guess I'm stuck with her.'"

"In a new interview, Michael Jackson's former brother-in-law says that he once saw Michael doing inappropriate things to his chimp 'Bubbles'. After hearing this, Michael said Bubble was asking for it because he was dressed like a whore."

"Jay Leno has been subpoenaed as a witness in the Michael Jackson trial so Leno may be banned form doing Michael Jackson jokes in his monologue. As a result Jay Leno has been put on suicide watch."

"Earlier today, millionaire Steve Fossett sat a new aviation record by becoming the first solo pilot to circle the Earth in a flight that lasted 66 hours. Fossett says the trip seemed even longer because the in-flight movie was 'Alexander.'"

"In a recent interview, Dan Rather says he doesn't mind being attacked because 'The stronger the breeze, the stronger the trees.' Then Rather said, 'What the hell am I talking about?'"

"According to a London tabloid, Will Smith has asked his fans not to ask him to sign their breasts. Will made the declaration shortly after meeting with a star-struck Louie Anderson."

"Today Martha Stewart was taking a walk outside her house and she told reporters she's been dreaming about cappuccino. It turns out that Cappuccino is the nickname of Martha's cellmate."

"Now that Martha Stewart is out of jail she's going to go back to writing a monthly column for her magazine. This month's column explains how to hot glue seashells to your electronic ankle bracelet."

"Yesterday at the Australian MTV Awards, Anna Nicole Smith pulled out her breasts while onstage. Not surprisingly, the whole process took 2 hours and 25 minutes."

"The Reverend Jesse Jackson says he doesn't think Michael can get a fair trial because there aren't any black people on the jury. Today prosecutors pointed out there are no black people on trial."

Have a look back on Conan classic lines...