Yesterday, President Bush was asked if he's seen "Brokeback Mountain" - and the President said he hadn't seen the movie but that he'd be happy to talk about ranching. Then he added: "Ranching" still means 'gay sex,' right?"

Yesterday in California, the car Britney Spears was driving in had to be pushed to the side of the road after it suddenly stopped working. Reportedly, Britney was overheard asking, "Can you give me a hand, my car pulled a Federline."

The New York Mets announced they are launching their own cable channel. So far there's no word on what the Mets channel will air during October.

The other day a movie called "The Son of Man" opened and it's described as the first movie with a black Jesus. Some Southern groups are offended by the black Jesus, saying, "It's bad enough he was Jewish."

In Cambodia, a woman tried to cut off her husband's penis and he ended up receiving 25 stitches. Not surprisingly, the man told his buddies he needed 50 stitches.

Al Gore announced he is finishing up a new book about global warming and the environment. The first chapter talks about how you shouldn't chop down trees to make a book no one will read.

It was reported today that U.S. military bases have decided not to show the movie "Brokeback Mountain." However, U.S. troops will continue to show "Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo" during interrogations.

E! News is reporting that a sex scene featuring Katie Holmes was mysteriously cut from a new movie and some people think Tom Cruise did it. Cruise explained by saying, "I don't want anyone to see Katie naked before I do."

The New York Post reports that Barry Manilow is releasing an album where he covers classic songs from the 1950s. When asked why he picked the 50s, Manilow said, "Because I already ruined the '70s in the '80s."

The New York Stock Exchange has a new ethics rule that prevents stockbrokers from taking clients to strip clubs, but they can take them to Broadway shows. Which may explain the latest Broadway hit: "Strippers in Hootertown."

In an interview about his upcoming album, Kevin Federline said, "My music will speak for itself." He may be right because the album is called, "This Really Sucks."

Today at a press conference, President Bush defended his domestic wiretapping program after a reporter called it a "circumvention of the law." The President said, "That's ridiculous, I had my circumvention when I was a baby."

It was reported today that Vice President Al Gore has recently put on more than 50 pounds. Those who know Gore say he is now "two tons of no fun."

This week in Bahrain, Michael Jackson was spotted at a mall in disguise. The disguise consisted of Michael walking with a boy over 18.

Ford announced this week that it will begin offering personal computers in some of its cars and trucks. This way, Ford's employees can look for jobs on their way to work.

One of the tabloids has published an interview with a gay man who says he slept with Clay Aiken after meeting him online. The man says, "I knew Clay Aiken was gay when we met online because his screen name was 'Clay Aiken.'"


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