It's been reported that President Bush calls Supreme Court nominee Samuel Alito "Sam." Alito says he's happy with his nickname, especially since the President calls Ruth Bader Ginsburg "Gins-Dog."

"The Washington Post" reports that former D.C. Mayor Marion Barry has once again tested positive for cocaine. Apparently, police suspected Marion Barry was using cocaine when they noticed that he was Marion Barry.

"People" magazine is reporting that Angelina Jolie is pregnant. Jolie's doctor said it was the first time he's ever seen lips on an ultrasound.

This week, New Jersey voted to temporarily suspend the death penalty. Lawmakers say the ruling sends a clear message to death row inmates: "If we can't leave New Jersey, you can't either."

It's been reported that if General Motors wants to be profitable again, they're going to have to sell the division that makes the Hummer. Experts say the most likely buyer is a wealthy corporation with a small penis.

Lindsay Lohan says she's "appalled" by the "Vanity Fair" article that talks about her bulimia and drug use. Or as Courtney Love calls it, "A puff piece."

Today during Judge Alito's hearings, Senator Ted Kennedy accidentally referred to Alito as "Ali-oto." Afterwards, Kennedy said, "You'll have to forgive me, I'm sober."

Yesterday, President Bush was asked about Judge Alito. The President said, "He is eminently qualified." Then the President said, "Unless the word 'eminently' means 'not.'"

But yesterday, Vice President Dick Cheney was rushed to the hospital after complaining of shortness of breath. You could tell that Cheney's used to these trips because he told the ambulance driver, "I know a shortcut."

This week, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger was in a motorcycle accident and needed 15 stitches on his lip. You can tell the accident really messed Arnold's lip, 'cause now you can understand every word he's saying.

The man who invented LSD is celebrating his 100th birthday tomorrow. The man plans to spend his birthday surrounded by friends, family and a 9-foot-tall unicorn.

It's been reported that actress Sienna Miller likes to paint canvases using her breasts. In a related story, Joan Rivers has been using her breasts to paint her baseboards.

Late last night in New York, Lindsay Lohan and Kate Moss stopped by the strip club Scores and did pole dances for the customers. Actually, Lindsay Lohan did the pole dance, Kate Moss was the pole.

The Levi's company announced they will make a line of blue jeans that have built-in docking station for an iPod music player. The built-in docking station is called a "pocket."

Yesterday in Tennessee, police caught a seven-year-old boy driving a pickup truck. Luckily, since it was in Tennessee, the truck was on blocks in the front-yard next to a washer and dryer.

In a new interview, actor Heath Ledger discusses his role in "Brokeback Mountain" and he says that kissing a man is just like kissing a woman. Actually his exact words were, "Kissing a man is just like kissing a woman - except for much gayer."

During an odd moment at the hearings Senator Arlen Spector announced that he goes to the same gym as Senator Ted Kennedy. Not surprisingly it's the gym that's closed 364 days a year.

Los Angeles Police have decided not to press charges against California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger event though he was involved in an incident with "improper vehicle registration." Officials said, "Arnold saying 'improper vehicle registration' is punishment enough."

Many people say that Samuel Alito's confirmation hearings were the most boring they'd ever seen. Observers say that Alito makes them miss the hyper-charged sexual electricity of a Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

Yesterday, actor David Hasselhoff announced he has decided to divorce his wife of 16 years. Those close to Hasselhoff are so upset about his decision that even his car won't talk to him.

This week, Renee Zellweger and her ex-husband Kenny Chesney were spotted having lunch. Reportedly, the lunch lasted 15 minutes longer than their marriage.

It was reported today they the most popular pet in New York is the poodle. The least popular pet? That thing on Donald's head.


Have a look back on Conan classic lines...