"Zoologists will discover that when gorillas grunt "Oo Oo, ah ah", they are really just making fun of Sylvester Stallone."

"Old Faithful will have to be renamed when it's wife finds it in bed with a 22 year old Puerto Rican boy leather boy."

"Every one in the world will suddenly turn into roast beef sandwiches. All the trees and buildings will turn into cakes and cookies. Then, Pavarotti will wake up."

"Thanks to a clerical error U.S. fighter planes will accidentally bomb 'The Rock.' Fortunately the wrestler will be having dinner with Saddam Hussein at the time."

"A charter plane carrying a soccer team will crash in the Andes, and even though there is plenty of food available, the survivors will resort to cannibalism to stay on the Atkins diet."

"God will announce that he will at last reveal himself to mankind at a huge stadium show in New Jersey. Unfortunately, everyone leaves during God's opening act, John Cafferty and the Beaver Brown band."

"Clouds will not simply retain water but also bitch at their boyfriends."

"The congressional channel C-SPAN will be bought out by The Playboy Channel. From then on all floor debates will consist of senators playfully spraying each other as they wash a Corvette."

"An actual hunchback will go to Notre Dame Cathedral and ask a priest if he can ring the bells there. The priest will politely tell him that in this enlightened day and age the bells are now rung by a computer. The hunchback will be dragged to the center of Paris and publicly whipped."

"Christina Aguilera will be rushed to the hospital for an emergency operation, but will almost die on the table when doctors realize that no amount of swabbing will make her clean for surgery."