"Justin Timberlake and American Idol's Justin Guarini will join forces on a hit single entitled 'Just Intolerable'."
"The U.S. military will not have to remove Saddam Hussein from power after he leaves voluntarily to host the new '$20,000 Pyramid'."
"Tired of being the subject of dirty limiricks, the old man from Nantucket will move to a new town called 'Coral Sex'."
"Liza Minelli and her husband will indeed adopt a baby, however people will begin assuming it is their biological child when the baby begins popping tranquilizers in gay bars."
"After getting engaged, P Diddy will try to protect his fortune by getting his fianceé to sign a pre-nuptial agreement, or 'pre-nup'. This ordinary legal transaction will from then on always be known as a 'p re-nup iddy'."
"After failing to travel into space, Lance Bass will return from Russia and declare the whole thing to have been a hoax- he was never a musician or a singer."
"Players will play, but umpires will strike leaving baseball games up to the honor system. While cheating rampantly, the Mets will still lose 100 games."
"Bandits will attack Queen Elizabeth. To save her life she will have to call on the knights sworn to defend her-Elton John, Mick Jagger and Paul McCartney."
"After their recent appearance on the MTV Video Music Awards, Guns 'n Roses will be forced to change their name to 'Chubby McGoo and the guys who aren't Slash'."
"People who said Nicholas Cage and Lisa Marie Presley's marriage wouldn't last a lifetime are proven wrong when the couple dies during a high-speed race to divorce court."
