"In the movie Sleuth I worked with the great Sir Lawrence Olivier. He was full of wisdom and one day said 'Michael, a truly great actor could step off a tall building and make himself fly like a bird.' Later he admitted he was trying to kill me."
"I'm actually not British. I got this accent by spending hours listening to Madonna interviews."
"Sometimes, people confuse me with Anthony Hopkins. Here's how you tell the difference. I'm the one nailing Mrs. Hopkins."
"I was convinced that the 'MC' in MC Hammer's name stood for Michael Caine. When I found out it didn't I destroyed his career."
"Katherine the Great died while attempting to have a horse lowered onto her for sex. I merely sprained my back."
"In The Cider House Rules I was addicted to ether. In real life I'm addicted to Fiddle Faddle."
