"It's not easy being a celebrity. Once this little kid, this cute little kid asked me for an autograph. I gave it to him. He said, 'Thanks Mr. Hanks!' I took it away from him, tore it up, and told him Tom Hanks was dead."
"In the movie Witness, I played a policeman who went undercover and pretended to be Amish. I could never be Amish. For one thing they're never allowed to touch themselves down there."
"One day I called George Lucas up at three o'clock in the morning and I pretended to be Mark Hamill. He said, 'Harrison?' I said 'No, it's me Mark Hamill.' He said, 'Harrison, I know it's you.' I said, 'Well then you know wrong because it's Mark Hamill.' He sighed and said, 'okay Mark what do you want?' I really got him."
"In 1982 I played a character in Blade Runner that hunts down and kills bloodthirsty humanoid life forms known as replicants. I want to say we were ahead of our time-it was four years before anybody had ever heard of Jerry Springer."
"People ask me if I'm as nice as I am in the movies. I say hey, 'what if life is a movie?' While they're thinking about that I yell 'cut' and then I run away."
"Onscreen R2D2 was so likable. Offscreen, total ass****"
"A movie star can make one stupid little mistake and his whole career is over. Like doing a lame comedy bit on some stupid TV show. Oh my God- what have I done?"
