So, like everybody else in the United States of America, I'm totally smoking the crack rock known as The Jersey Shore. Fist pump to the nicknames alone. I mean, Snooki? JWoww? The Situation?! Nicknames tell the world who you are, and I'm not messing with a bitch who calls herself "Snooki" any sooner than I'm giving myself a mullet and attending a Kenny G concert.

I've decided there are two rules to nicknames. One, you can't give yourself a nickname. Two, it's the particularly un-cool ones that stick with you like a Lady Gaga song. Example: In third grade, Karrie Wolfe cut her finger on a can of Van Camp's pork and beans and bled all over the school cafeteria. She was known as "Beanee Weanee" all the way through high school. And then there's that ginger-haired Olympic snowboarder Shaun White -- a.k.a. "The Flying Tomato" -- who's been trying to shake the moniker for years now. No dice.

Well, Flying Tomato Shaun White, I feel your pain. In 2007 there was an unfortunate incident involving me, a hideous, tulle, bubble-skirted bridesmaid dress (yeah for the three minutes THOSE were in style), and a bouffant updo that was straight out of Steel Magnolias and took an ENTIRE can of Aqua Net to create. You guys, I looked like the Poof Fairy. The result? Three years later, everyone -- even the bride's 80-year-old grandmother! -- still calls me "Chlo-Chlo Puff."

So... all in all, I guess I haven't had much luck in the nickname department. I think I'll leave that to the guidos and guidettes.

Tell me... do you have a nickname? Who gave it to you, and do you like it?