Have you ever found yourself sitting at Thanksgiving dinner, watching in horror as that warm and gooey sweet-potato-marshmallow casserole turns to cold rubber while some distant relation gives thanks for every second cousin, city comptroller and former babysitter under the sun? Don't get me wrong, there's plenty to be thankful for, but there's gotta be a way to get that bird into your belly before you start digesting your own spleen. So why not leave the Treatise on Important Things to your fellow dinner guests and just give a quick and painless shout-out to life's simple pleasures? With that in mind:
Here's what's got me giving thanks this holiday season:
- • Mittens with strings that tie to your coat sleeves. Cold weather's never been so fun! And no more pulling a Michael Jackson when one gets lost in the snow.
- • Gummy-anything. Bears? Yes. Worms? Sign me up. Sharks? I'll take ten. How about gummy turkeys? You heard it here first, folks.
- • V-necks and clingy fabric. Last month I got some inspired fashion tips from a co-worker, but in exchange I'm covering her Thanksgiving shift at the hospital. :( Which means more cleavage and less turkey, and leads me to...
- • The thought of changing bedpans and emptying colostomy bags right about the time I should be digging into slice #2 of pumpkin pie. Jealous?
- • People in Jersey City who think it's okay to wear socks with Tevas. If it's cold enough to need socks, it's cold enough to put away the water sports footwear.
- • I said it once and I'll say it again: married men need not apply!