Do vibrators give us unreal sexpectations? I know that porn can definitely be misleading in terms of acrobatic moves and bizarre situations. But I'm sorry, the idea of naked aliens invading your house is just hot.

But vibrators can actually be more threatening than porn. Unfortunately, us men don't have settings that you can change at the drop of a hat. Not to mention our fingers and johnsons can in no way create that vibrating sensation. Unless of course, you're using the condom with a vibrating ring, but that's a different post. I have to admit, it's truly incredible how mind-blowing vibrators can be.

Did you know that Victoria Beckham actually owns a diamond-encrusted vibrator worth $1.8 million? It's pretty hard to replace David Beckham. So if you're going to, you should expect to spend a small fortune.

Maybe it's just me, but I like to think woman prefer a warm-blooded human being as opposed to a rubber/silicone device. I think that once in a while it's okay to have a date night with a vibrator, especially if you've been experiencing a drought. I would much rather you go home to a sex toy than have a bunch of unprotected promiscuous sex. So I guess we gotta give vibrators credit for not turning us into diseased sluts.

Since I love doing analogies, let's compare vibrators to Guitar Hero. Guitar Hero is awesome because it makes you feel like you're a rock star if you can play "Sweet Child of Mine" on expert level. What's not to love about immediate gratification? Take it from someone who switched from a plastic video game guitar to a real guitar. I cannot begin to tell you how frustrated I was. Where were the blue chords? It actually made guitar much harder to learn because I was accustomed to finishing a song in three minutes. Now it takes three days to learn a song. Just like vibrators make five-minute orgasms so easy!

Okay, hopefully I haven't lost you all yet. What I'm basically trying to say is that the real thing may require more effort, but it's ultimately more rewarding. I would think of vibrators as chocolate. Don't overindulge too often. I mean really, if you start having a relationship with your rabbit then you might as well be asexual, right?

Do any of you know someone who may need a vibrator intervention?