Win at All Costas

Season 1
Episode 112
Air Date 01/08/13
TV-PG

Checking his voice mail, Ryan is stunned to discover that his idol, Bob Costas, has called. He's nervous about listening to the voice mail at first, but it turns out that not only is Costas a fan, but he's a big fan. Overjoyed, Ryan spends the day playing the message to anyone who'll stop and listen, and by the time he's driving home at the end of the day, he's blasting the message as an auto-tuned remix. Technology rocks!

At group, Ryan shares yet another Costas voice mail with the group - he's playing phone tag with his idol! Fausta tells everyone to be on the lookout for invitations to her niece's quinceanera, and even Mr. K has good news to share. It turns out that Mr. K is an accomplished aerospace engineer, and for years he's been helping design the Curiosity Rover, which is just now taking its first soil sample from Mars - success! As the group quietly applauds Mr. K (loud applause has sexualized him in the past), Ryan asks what kind of challenge Mr. K will take on next. Mr. K's face falls immediately as he rations that because his work with Curiosity is done, his life now has no purpose.

The next day, Bob finally catches Ryan on the phone. Bob's rolling out a new TV show and there might be a place for Ryan on it! Ryan's flattered, but when he hangs up he worriedly tells Carrie that there's no way he can do TV. She's confused until Steven shows her an embarrassing gif that was the result of Ryan's last TV appearance on "Rich Eisen Live": Ryan looks hilariously blank as Rich Eisen waves a hand in front of his face. It turns out Rich surprised Ryan by asking him about soccer, which he knew nothing about, rendering him unusually speechless. Lauren assures Ryan that everyone has embarrassing moments and advises Ryan to make another appearance on Rich Eisen's show and do it right this time. When Ryan wonders whether he can succeed without Janie's calming influence, a depressed Mr. K perks up. His new life purpose will be replacing Janie!

After group, Danny approaches Owen, clearly the most fashion forward of the group, asking what on earth one wears to a quinceanera. Always ready for a good prank, Owen informs Danny that he must wear a traditional bullfighting ensemble and offers to take him shopping. When Anne asks why she was the only who didn't get an invitation to the quinceanera, Fausta takes out a list of terms Sonia wrote down for her in English and informs Anne it's because she's a "wet blanket, bummer and buzz kill." Also a bit-kah, which in Fausta's broken English means bitch. She pats a stunned Anne on the arm and walks away.

With Mr. K at his side, Ryan returns to Rich Eisen's talk show. Pre-taping, Ryan and Richard throw quick-witted insults at each other about radio ratings and hair loss. Once the cameras roll, Ryan rocks it. Rich even asks a soccer question, but Ryan is nonplussed and walks off the set, pride in hand. Later, Anne barges into Ryan's house to complain about Fausta. Sure, Anne's a little down sometimes but she has every right to be! In her mind, she's dealing with way worse stuff than Fausta. When Ryan admits he was invited, Anne loses it. Just then, Mr. K exits the kitchen wearing an apron, asking, "Honey, is she bothering you?" Anne is so confused at this bizarre scenario that she doesn't even bother asking and storms out. Clearly, Mr. K is taking his role as Janie quite seriously. Sitting next to Ryan, he unveils the three-hour masterpiece lasagna he's been working on, which is really just a layered assortment of cereal. Ryan tells Mr. K-as-Janie to skip the trip to Costas' set.

Ryan's finally makes it to the set of Bob's new TV show, with Carrie and Steven in tow for extra support. After an overly firm handshake from Bob, Ryan reads over the topics for the segment and relaxes a bit. It's all hockey and Red Sox - things he talks about all the time! Meanwhile, at the quinceanera, Danny struts across the ballroom clad in a bullfighting jacket and outrageous pointy-toed boots. He's alarmed that everyone who's dressed in cocktail wear is insulting the event, but all Owen and Lauren can do is giggle at how ridiculous he looks. Moments later Anne arrives, assuring everyone that Fausta doesn't get to exclude her, especially when there are so many empty seats available!

Back on the set, Mr. K bumps into Bob as he's bringing Ryan his lunch. The famous sports anchor is immediately intrigued with the odd Mr.K, first with his equally firm handshake and then with his philosophical musings. When Mr. K tells him he's now being forced to re-evaluate his life and his goals, Bob can definitely relate. He's got a new TV show but he's doing sports... again! If only he could talk about art or mathematics, even nanotechnology. Bob dreams about doing that kind of show. "But you won't," Mr. K tells him as he runs off towards the craft services table. Bob springs into action. Seconds before the show's set to go live, Bob tells Ryan they're going to change things up a little.

On air, as Ryan gets into sports mode discussing the L.A. Kings, Bob pulls up a portrait of Leonardo Fibonacci on screen and asks Ryan his thoughts. Ryan has none, and his eyes begin to glaze over. Off camera, Steven and Carrie panic. Costas is going intellectual and there's no way Ryan's ready! In fact, he's actually secretly stupid. He doesn't know what the Taj Mahal is, and he never uses the term "literally" correctly! Meanwhile, Bob's moved onto analyzing just how much power is allotted to a Supreme Court justice. Ryan takes a hard turn back to sports and brings up David Justice. When Bob asks "Space? Or time? Which are we really moving through? And ultimately, does it matter?" Ryan has reached the end - complete and utter silence. Ryan reprimands Mr. K for coming to the set and ruining everything. This could have been a huge opportunity and Mr. K tanked it. Ryan doesn't want his help anymore. Mr. K hangs his head and walks off, rejected and convinced he only makes things worse.

Back at the quiceanera, Anne sits alone at an empty table, bitterly watching Fausta joyfully waltz around the dance floor. When she gets on stage to deliver a speech in Spanish, Danny is at Anne's side, translating. As Fausta points to Anne's table, Danny explains that the table was left empty to honor those who are no longer with us, like Fausta's beautiful sons, husband and little girl. She misses them every day, and being away from them brings her great sorrow. This knocks Anne off her pedestal. After the speech, Anne apologizes for sitting at the honored table and expresses her condolences for her loss. Fausta waves her apology away, insisting she's glad she has friends that will fill the table. "How do you do it?" asks a conflicted Anne as she gently hugs Fausta. "How do you smile with so much pain?" With a soft smile, Fausta tells her she chooses to be happy and then advises Anne to start having fun. First step: Anne needs to take off her "sad-man suit."

Minutes later Anne appears in front of the group in a bright pink gown that belongs to Fausta's niece. Fausta then drags Anne off to find a man. When Ryan steps into the ballroom, Lauren already knows the Costas thing went all-wrong. She advises Ryan to apologize to Mr. K, who's a mess, his beard full of tears. Just like Bob Costas means a lot to Ryan, Ryan means a great deal to Mr. K. Lamenting the difficulty of becoming a better person, Ryan apologizes to Mr. K. Days later, Ryan angrily watches Rich Eisen broadcast a brand new gif from the Bob Costas show as Mr. K puts a drink down in front of Ryan, exclaiming, "Look honey! You're on TV." Looks like things are back to normal.

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