Greetings, my name is Pierce Hawthorne. You may recognize the name from Hawthorne Wipes, the award-winning Moist Towelette. Yes, that was me. Mr. Moist. Moist Man. I consider myself a Quality of Life Person. When I'm not busy being a moist towelette mogul, I'm making my mark on the world with the other gifts the Gods hath given me. I have a wealth of experience in image management, icon development, and Y2K preparedness. I'm a marketing genius. If you need something bought or sold or processed, you come my way. I've been called a Jingle Master, a Toastmaster, and a Master Chef. I do dinner parties both ways; I throw them, and I attend them. I do birthday parties. I'm an expert magician and a trained clown, and don't even get me started on my hypnotism training. Whatever it is, if you want it done right, just call my name. This is Pierce Hawthorne, signing off and saying "Farewell, good day, and be good!"