Hello, my name is Pierce Hawthorne and I am a man of many talents. Magician, yes. Politician, perhaps someday. Accomplished musician and songwriter, most definitely. Many have called me a "Jingle Master," and that's not because of any sort of bells I was wearing at the time. I wrote the catchy jingle for Hawthorne Wipes (the award-winning Moist Towelette). Years later I went on to write the lyrics and compose the school song for Greendale Community College in Greendale, Colorado. An expert songwriter sees music in everything, and I can turn any product, project, place, or person into a clever ditty that'll get your toes tapping. Dial Pierce Hawthorne. I'm listed.