The Pierce Hawthorne Professional Page

Expert hypnotherapist coming through! Move out of my way! Unless you want to be hypnotized - in that case, get in line!

Expert hypnotherapist coming through! Move out of my way! Unless you want to be hypnotized -- in that case, get in line! Pierce Hawthorne is my name and hypnotherapy is one of my many games. I'll get inside your head and change your mind for the better. Get help in any of the following areas: quit smoking, control your compulsive nervous eating habits, be more confident, quit liquor, quit drugs, quit your job, larger breasts, control irritable bowel syndrome, exercise daily, cluck like a chicken, bark like a dog, and more! If you want to twist your brain for the better, I'm sure we can figure something out. I also do hypnotism demonstrations as part of my magic act, so if you would like to book me for a party, please let me know. Thank you and goodnight and good luck and good day, sir.

Greetings, my name is Pierce Hawthorne. You may recognize the name from Hawthorne Wipes, the award-winning Moist Towelette. Yes, that was me. Mr. Moist. Moist Man. I consider myself a Quality of Life Person. When I'm not busy being a moist towelette mogul, I'm making my mark on the world with the other gifts the Gods hath given me. I have a wealth of experience in image management, icon development, and Y2K preparedness. I'm a marketing genius. If you need something bought or sold or processed, you come my way. I've been called a Jingle Master, a Toastmaster, and a Master Chef. I do dinner parties both ways; I throw them, and I attend them. I do birthday parties. I'm an expert magician and a trained clown, and don't even get me started on my hypnotism training. Whatever it is, if you want it done right, just call my name. This is Pierce Hawthorne, signing off and saying "Farewell, good day, and be good!"

Hello, my name is Pierce Hawthorne and I am a man of many talents. Magician, yes. Politician, perhaps someday. Accomplished musician and songwriter, most definitely. Many have called me a "Jingle Master," and that's not because of any sort of bells I was wearing at the time. I wrote the catchy jingle for Hawthorne Wipes (the award-winning Moist Towelette). Years later I went on to write the lyrics and compose the school song for Greendale Community College in Greendale, Colorado. An expert songwriter sees music in everything, and I can turn any product, project, place, or person into a clever ditty that'll get your toes tapping. Dial Pierce Hawthorne. I'm listed.

Are you in need an expert Master of Ceremonies for an upcoming event? If this were "Opposite Day" I would say, "You've come to the wrong place!" because in reality you've come to the right place! This is the right place for a Toastmaster. I am an expert in the fields of "event planning," "event speaking," "people talking," and "comfort creation." Hire me as a Toastmaster. Hire me as a Keynote Speaker. Hire me as a warm-up comedian. I can do it all. You provide the audience, I'll provide the intrigue. Dial Pierce Hawthorne. I'm listed.

"Hawthorne Wipes" brand moist towelettes (created by Pierce Hawthorne) are the world's finest moist towelettes. Do you want your towelettes moist? Do you want moisture in towel form? Look no further than to Pierce Hawthorne's magnificent "Hawthorne Wipes" brand moist towelettes. Jefferson Hawthorne always said a good product is simple, and you couldn't get simpler with these three simple steps - Step 1: Tear Open Package. Step 2: Remove Towelette. Step 3: Get Moist! Still not convinced? "Hawthorne Wipes" come in four outstanding scents: Sea Breeze, Fresh Flower, Apricot Garden, and Bubblegum. "Hawthorne Wipes" are safe for children and easy enough for old-timers. Why spend another day moistening your own towels when you could have individual pre-moistened towelettes from America's leading moist towelette manufacturers? ORDER NOW!* (*Hawthorne Wipes temporarily out of production).