Cooperative Polygraphy

Season 5
Episode 504
Air Date 01/16/14
TV-PG

The gang returns from Pierce's funeral dressed in the traditional garb of whatever weird futuristic space cult Pierce was a part of. Their old frenemy is gone forever, and now all that remains is an Energon Pod filled with Pierce's life vapor. Moments later, a dark and mysterious attorney arrives to inform the group that, as part of Pierce's last will and testament, every member of the study group will be subjected to a lie detector test to determine if they're responsible for Pierce's death.

 Jeff sees through the rouse: it's clearly a way for Pierce to torment the group one last time. Nonetheless, the lawyer assures them that completion of the polygraph test is the only way to gain access to Pierce's vast wealth. The lawyer begins the polygraph exam by asking each of the study group members a series of questions that quickly enrages and embarrasses them. Pierce calls Jeff gay, outs Shirley as a contributor to an anti-abortion group, and reveals Troy and Abed's zombie apocalypse escape plan, which does not account for the welfare of their friends.

Pierce's relentless post-mortem interrogation continues as Pierce reveals that Chang has masturbated in the study room, that Troy and Abed use Jeff's Netflix account without his permission, and that Annie overcharges Troy and Abed for rent. An argument quickly erupts, but Pierce's lawyer hushes the group to continue the shocking revelations.

Shirley replaced the tofu in her sandwich shop with a meat-based tofu substitute, much to Britta's horror. Britta was high on marijuana at Shirley's son's baptism, Jeff keeps mementos of his sexual conquests (including a pair of Britta's underwear), and Troy and Abed have rummaged through Jeff's personal belongings on numerous occasions. Pierce also reveals that Troy didn't invent his and Abed's secret handshake, which makes Abed very sad.

More secrets are divulged: Abed planted tracking devices on every member of the study group, which makes them all feel violated. Abed insures his friends that, in the event of a kidnapping, they'll thank him for his invasion of privacy. Annie secretly dosed her friends with amphetamines to help them cram for a final exam, Abed catfished Annie by making up a fake online boyfriend (strictly because Annie makes pancakes more often when she's in love), and the entire study group erupts into another cacophony of argument.

Jeff tries to apply logic to Pierce's cruel game: if everyone is completely honest once and for all, there's no way they can lose. Each member of the group confesses their deepest darkest secret. After the confessions, Pierce's lawyer moves to the last portion of his client's dying wish. Pierce tells Britta that she inspired him, and he leaves her an Ipod filled with music that will help her take life less seriously...he also leaves her a vial of his sperm.

Pierce tells Shirley that he was intimidated by her strength of character and business sense. He leaves her his Florida timeshare...and a vial of his sperm. To Annie, Pierce bequeaths a tiara...and a vial of sperm. Next, Pierce calls Jeff gay again and leaves him a fine bottle of scotch...and a vial of sperm. To Abed, Pierce leaves a vial of sperm.

Finally, Pierce tells Troy that he possesses the heart of a hero, and leaves him a vial of sperm...and the remainder of his shares in the Hawthorne Wipes company, worth about 14 million dollars. There's a caveat though: in order to earn the fortune, Troy must sail Pierce's boat all the way around the world.

Jeff tries to find a way for Troy to get out of the boat trip, but Troy interrupts to declare that he'll honor Pierce's wish by traveling the globe for a year. The study group is crushed. Later, the gang goes to a nearby bar with Pierce's lawyer, who turns out to be a boisterous and annoying person in real life.

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