Clean-Smelling Pirate

Season 1
Episode 103
Air Date 10/03/12
TV-PG

George examines a bird in a neck brace, brought in by Rod and Judy. Apparently, the bird kept flying into their window over and over until it dropped. Claiming they need to get out of the bird's flight path, George recommends tearing down their house. Dorothy pops in with a handful of spider web stickers - they'll help the birds steer clear of the windows. When Rod comments that this seems like a lot of trouble to go to for stupid birds, George points out that he'd take birds over humans in an evolutionary cage match any day. To prove his point, Yamamoto hustles up with George's coffee, walking smack into the office's sliding glass door - not once, but twice - and spilling hot coffee all over himself. Ouch!

Dorothy meets with nine-year-old Connor and his dad, who's allowing his son to wait at the hospital during their dog Barney's lung surgery. Dorothy assures Connor that he'll have a fun day, and he's sure to have a fun doctor. But when she checks the file to discover that George is assigned to the case, she's not so sure about the fun anymore. Dorothy finds Rizzo massaging George's shoulders. At first, George is fine when she asks to reassign Barney's lung surgery to Doug - until he figures out Dorothy thinks Doug would be better than him. There's no situation in which "old sausage fingers" would be better than George!

Dorothy insists on having Doug perform Barnaby's surgery, because he's far better with kids than George. In fact, Doug probably gets more thank you notes than anyone else except for Dr. Rick. George is stunned to discover that Dr. Rick is Doug's child-pleasing puppet. Dorothy points out that George doesn't like kids, recalling the time when he said, "I hate kids," and the time he lost her nephew at Coney Island because he needed a beer. Later, Yamamoto spies Dr. Rick lying on the counter and gives a little scream of terror. He has an irrational fear of puppets dating back to his childhood when his father used to drop him off at a puppet theater rather than pay a babysitter.

Vet tech Jerry approaches Angela in her den, trying to woo her affection with yet another present of gauze - he wants to be her Ryan Gauze-ling! Witnessing this exchange, Dorothy steps in to offer advice from a friend: Jerry has a crush on Angela! But Angela already has a boyfriend. Dax is a great guy, but he's in prison for identity theft. Since they're becoming friends, Dorothy explains that if Angela wants to be happy, she's going to have to stop dating convicted felons - there's no future in it. Why not give Jerry a chance? Angela thinks Jerry is far too into gauze for the likes of her, and isn't too sure about being friends with her boss.

George tells Doug that Dorothy changed her mind; she wants him to do Barnaby's lung surgery after all. Smelling a rat, Doug decides to call Dorothy, but George hangs up the phone. He wants the case, and he doesn't want Dorothy to know anything until it's over. Doug figures George wants to prove that he wouldn't be a crappy dad. Refusing to talk, George grabs all of Doug's kid-pleasing lollipops and stickers and heads out to charm the pants off Connor. Angela bumps into Jerry in the hall. When he asks if she wants to get some beefsteak at the cafeteria today, she says, "Heck yeah, I wanna get some," and turns away. Dorothy rushes over to propose they grab lunch together. Jerry's all for it, so Angela ushers him into the elevator. When the door closes, she lays into Dorothy. Wasn't she clear when she said Jerry is a total shower curtain rod - aka panty dryer? Dorothy encourages Angela to give Jerry a try anyway.

George introduces himself to Connor as the fun doctor - he even has a monkey. Sadly, Rizzo hasn't been sleeping well since his hammock got sent to the dry cleaner's, and he hides in George's briefcase. Luckily George has 20 lollipops and a sticker which he puts on Connor's face. After taking a look at Barnaby's test results, George runs to find Doug. Barnaby's in kidney failure with a 30% chance of survival. Now George is going to have to tell Connor really bad news. Worried, Doug runs off to ask Juanita to get Connor some ice cream. Dorothy wants the deets on Angela's date with Jerry, but all Angela can talk about is the beefsteak - she had two and got one to go when she found out Jerry was paying. In the end, Dorothy's happy to think she gave Angela good girl advice, and their friendship is growing.

Doug decides it's time for some role-playing, with Yamamoto (a theater minor in college) playing a nine-year-old boy and George playing himself. When Doug suggests George try using Dr. Rick, Yamamoto bolts from the room. Doug tries another tack, encouraging George to access his paternal side. But when George's dog was sick, all his dad said was, "Get a shovel." George decides Doug has nothing to teach him after all. Jerry visits Dorothy to tender his resignation. He can't work with Angela anymore. After their date, she had her way with him in the stairwell - now she won't look him in the eye! Dorothy lays into Angela - how could she treat Jerry like that? Angela decides she can't be friends with Dorothy. Her real friends respect what she's all about. They don't try to change her into a Jerry-loving girl who goes around dating Jerrys.

Connor tells George that he only gets ice cream in the middle of the day because of something really good or really bad. So what's wrong with Barnaby? George admits Barnaby only has a 30% chance of surviving his surgery... or it could be just fine. Connor asks George to throw away his ice cream - and disappears! George enlists Doug's help to search for Connor, and it's not long before Dorothy corners Doug and realizes exactly what happened. Meanwhile, Juanita sneaks up on Yamamoto when he's glued to the microscope and slips Dr. Rick on his hand. When Yamamoto freaks out, Juanita starts aversion therapy. Yamamoto is in control of the puppet, not the other way around.

Dorothy dresses George down - it's Coney Island all over again! Doug runs up holding Connor's sweater, and George spies a Basset Hound. Now all they have to do is follow the dog to Connor's location. When Connor refuses to surrender Barnaby, Dorothy wants to cut George out of the deal. But Doug thinks George can handle it, telling him to say what he wishes his father said to him. George tells Connor that Barnaby is a Parsons Russell Terrier, a breed that used to hunt with royalty, able to keep up with horses 40 times their size. They're so brave and strong, that if any dog could survive this surgery, it's going to be a dog like Barnaby. Connor asks if Dr. Doug can perform the surgery - because he doesn't want George to leave him alone. Surprisingly, George surrenders the surgery to Doug.

Angela and Dorothy bump into each other at the front desk. When Jerry passes carrying a mountain of gauze, Dorothy admits she may have been a little off about him, and she had no right to tell Angela how to live her life. Having just found out Dax used a piece of his prison toilet to stab a guy, Angela allows that maybe Dorothy's right; she should start dating nicer guys. Both of them agree - you can't blame a lady for wanting a little excitement, a guy who's a little bad and a little good - like a clean-smelling pirate. Or a dirty-smelling millionaire. Luckily the surgery goes well. It's hard for Dorothy to apologize for taking the surgery away from George, so she has Dr. Rick do it. George promptly fires Dr. Rick and tosses him into the hallway.

Poor Rizzo is still looking for a quiet, fuzzy place to take a nap, so he sneaks into the hallway and into Dr. Rick like he was a sleeping bag. Moments later, Yamamoto spies Dr. Rick and says hello... but when Dr. Rick stands up and starts dancing around, Yamamoto runs into a glass door for the third time today. His psychic wounds freshly salted, Yamamoto flashes back to Hayama, Japan, 1984. He is nine years old when his father leads him into a theater, promising the puppets will serve as his guardians when dad is away. Everything's going great, until the puppet's eyes go gold and pointy gold teeth sprout, leaving little Yamamoto cringing in his chair, in fear for his immortal soul.

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