It's always good to get the deal in writing. Morgan's a man who knows his wants and needs. Got ideas on a few others that would be worth adding to the list? You can add your thoughts here.

NONMARITAL COHABITATION / LIVING
TOGETHER AGREEMENT

LIST OF PECULIARITIES

Morgan Grimes reserves the right to the following peculiarities and eccentricities for the course of the relationship or until he wishes to behave or think differently.

ACCORDION - Grimes reserves Friday from 9PM and 10PM for practice

AIR - Shall not be humidified or dehumidified. Free Air! No Oppression!

ANKLE BRACELETS - Based on a movie viewing experience as a child, Grimes distrusts those who wear ankle bracelets. Cohabitant can decide if he/she values his/her ankle bracelet over Grimes' trust.

APPLES -Under no circumstances will a Pink Lady be allowed in the residence.

BARCELONA - Shall not be brought up in conversation

BLUE-FOOTED BOOBY - All documentaries and specials that air on television concerning the blue-footed booby must be recorded and saved.

CAT (SEE PETS - AS IN THERE ARE NO PETS ALLOWED)

CHEESE - Only string cheese is allowed in residence. Except on weekends when an exception is made for Gouda.

COOKIES - In descending order of purchasing preference:

  • 1) Shortbread
  • 2) Sugar
  • 3) Peanut Butter
  • 4) Chocolate chip
  • 5) Oatmeal
  • 6) Fortune
  • 7) Walnut
  • 8) Pecan
  • 9) Oatmeal raisin
  • 10) Chocolate mint
  • 11) Peppermint
  • 12) Ginger Snaps
  • 13) Snickerdoodle
  • 14) Butter
  • 15) Fig

CRACKLE - None of your joints or digits are allowed to crackle while Grimes is in the same residence. (SEE ALSO POP)

CYMBAL-BANGING MONKEY - Grimes owns one and it cannot be touched or wound or stared at for long periods.

DOGS - (SEE PETS - AS IN THERE ARE NO PETS ALLOWED)

EMERGENCY NUMBERS - Available upon request once emergency has occurred.

EGGS - Fried.

GOETHE - Grimes hates this guy even though he is unsure of what he did historically.

KAZOO - Grimes reserves Friday from 8PM and 9PM for practice.

LASER TAG - Grimes is currently in training for professional certification and may not be available on Tuesday nights.

LIES - Grimes can hold his cohabitant to a higher degree of honesty than he himself can be held.

OVERALLS - Grimes knows nothing of fashion but even he knows that no one not working construction should wear overalls.

PARROTS - SEE PETS

PETS - No pets are allowed.

REFRIGERATOR - Must be kept at refrigeration setting of "4" except in August when "3" should be selected.

SCHNAPPS - aniseed, apricot, blackberry, black currant (aka crème de cassis), butterscotch, cherry, coffee, peach, peppermint, root beer, and sour apple are allowed. Absolutely no cinnamon!

SCHNITZEL - All cohabitants must master at least one schnitzel dish. It will be prepared on Tuesday the 13th of every month.

SEAMSTRESS - Preferred to Tailors 3:1 based on the size of their hands.

SECRET - Grimes is entitled to three per week. (SEE LIES)

SNOLLYGOSTER - All precautions taken to ward off this creature must be respected.

SOAP ON A ROPE - The preferred soap of choice in the residence. Green is problematic and often has a weaker rope.

THERMOSES - Under no exception will coffee be stored in the bluecheckered thermos. Coffee = red and green.

TICKETS - Bus, theater, plane, concert, etc. must be placed under magnet on refrigerator.

TOMFOOLERY - Grimes reserves the right to initiate or join a tomfoolery session at any time.

TOOTHBRUSH - Grimes favors a yellow toothbrush. Cohabitant is entitled to own color choice in toothbrushes as long as it is not yellow.

WOOD BURNING KIT - Grimes reserves Saturday morning for craft time.