Roses are red
Violets are blue
Valentines Day can be AWESOME
You just have know what to do...

For all you gentlemen out there, listen very closely to this first part: No matter how cool your girl is, no matter how down to earth, no matter what she might tell you, VALENTINES DAY IS A HUGE DEAL. Chuck, I hope you are reading this and have something planned for Sarah, she’s a real catch Bro!

Love is the air… or is that terror? Take a breath, reach out and find something stable to hold on to – everything is gong to be AWESOME. Don’t let the pressure get to you. Don’t get confused by the hearts, the candies, the teddy bears and sappy poems. Remember this is a time to celebrate the person that you love. It’s V-Day people, so calm yourselves and let’s talk love not war.

What not to do: Let’s start by going over what not to do. I think the perfect person to teach us exactly what not to do on Valentines, is our bearded friend Morgan Grimes. The little guy has done something for Ellie Bartowski every Valentines for the last 15 years. Here are a few of the highlights:

On Valentines Day in 96’ Ellie went to take her morning shower and found Morgan sitting in her bathtub surrounded by Teddy Bears – not AWESOME.

In 03’ Morgan decided to show up at the hospital. He followed Ellie around reading her love poetry until she called security – not AWESOME.

Two years ago was a particularly bad year. Morgan showed up in the courtyard outside our window with a boom box on his shoulder and started to play “Wind Beneath My Wings.” He actually brought himself to tears that year – not AWESOME.

What to do: I can’t tell you exactly what to do because it is completely personal. But, I do know the best Valentines days are unique and spontaneous. You don’t need to buy the diamond ring. This year I am taking Ellie on a hike leading to a romantic picnic. I may follow that up with some rock climbing, a 10k run and some mountain biking. If you’re not up for the workout, just stick to the picnic. Oh, and a dozen roses never hurt...

Did your V-Day turn out AWESOME? Let me know...


- Captain

1) Be awesome. Everyone should strive for optimum awesomeness
in all situations. Remember: He who thinks he's the most awesome... isn't.

2) Help others be awesome. One of the most important things we can do is to make the world more awesome. Part of that is helping others maximize their awesomeness. For my part, I'm going to volunteer, save some lives and, oh, yeah, write a blog.

3) Don't stress over things that aren't awesome. Let's face it, we all have days that are tough. The important thing to remember is that for every day that isn't awesome, there are dozens, maybe hundreds of reasons to smile. So find something awesome about every day and focus on it. Awesome.

Happy New Year!
--Captain Awesome

Hey Everybody, it's that time of year! The time where each of us, in our place of business, is faced with that dreaded event known as the office holiday party. This year, I've put together a short list of pointers to help get you through it unscathed.

1) Avoid the Mistletoe. Undoubtedly, some joker in accounting will hide a sprig in an inconspicuous doorway, hoping to entrap Janice from accounting. The problem for you is that, if you're not paying attention, you can very easily find yourself kissing Berta, the lady from HR with a pre-cancerous mole and a drinking problem. You know how rumors spread in the office, and you don't want to be Monday morning's water cooler talk.

2) Egg Nog is a delicious treat, but it doesn't mix with driving. Or karaoke. Or dancing. Come to think of it, better stay away from the Egg Nog.

3) Candles are bad. Every year, office party planners across the country try to "class up" their holiday celebration with real, live, fire. Here is a partial list of things that can burn:
Your clothing.
Someone else's clothing.
The non-denomenational holiday shrubbery.
Berta's alcohol-laced breath.
The Mistletoe.
The tablecloth.
That big contract you just signed.
Mustaches.
Trust me. Parties and fire don't mix. If you see a candle, blow it out.

4) The Copy Machine is a Disaster Waiting to Happen: Let me be perfectly clear on this point. I have no objection to those of you deciding to make impromptu copies of body parts, but the glass tray on the photocopier was NEVER MEANT TO HOLD YOUR WEIGHT. Each December, countless victims arrive in the ER with shards of glass in their backside (or worse). If you don't want to be one of them, do yourself a favor: stay off the Xerox.

5) Enjoy yourself. The purpose of a party is to have fun. Too often, we get too wound up about office politics; about the running feud with the guys in Accounts Payable, or about trying to nab the best gift in the White Elephant exchange. The holiday party is a time to celebrate, and trust me, when people see you having fun, they'll have fun. In fact, it was at a holiday party when I met this girl Ellie and, well, you know what happened next.