Chuck TV Show Series on NBC: Captain Awesome

Awesome Wedding

2009-04-14T22:58:11Z

The big day is finally here. I, Devon Woodcombe, am a married man. Sorry, ladies, I am officially off the market. I just locked down the girl of my dreams, the love of my life, and I must say it feels truly AWESOME!!! Things started out a little rocky, but like anything, I stayed focused and channeled my Awesome.

WEDDING ATTEMPT #1

Tradition. Class. Elegance. Those are staples that my parents live by. That was the goal for the wedding. But it seems a traditional white wedding was not in the cards for Ellie and me. But always remember: there is AWESOMNESS to be found in calamity. There are some old legends that may still hold some truth:

Rain on the wedding day
There is an old myth: If there is rain on the wedding day it will bring good luck to the couple. It was a sign of fertility. Although the sun was shining outside, there was a major rainstorm inside the chapel. Fingers crossed for mini-Awesomes!

Tears on the wedding day
It is also said, that it is good luck if the bride cries on the day of her wedding. She will cry away all her tears, leaving none for the marriage. If that is true, Ellie Bartowksi and I are in very good shape. The sprinklers started the waterworks and Ellie finished the job.

Jeffster rocked the chapel
Jeffster got on that stage and laid it on the line. Any time you have a piano key t-shirt and fireworks inside a chapel, you know that something special is happening. Mostly the reaction was shock and fear amongst the guests. But, I hear there is a new urban legend growing: If JEFFSTER plays your wedding it will bring you good luck. They are the fortune cookie of wedding bands -- no one likes them, but for some reason they bring good luck.

WEDDING ATEMPT #2

The beach wedding was truly AWESOME. It was small, informal and unexpected. There is nothing like looking around and seeing all familiar faces. This wedding may not have had the pomp and ceremony that my folks had planned on, but when I looked into Ellie's eyes I knew it was right. I don't know how Chuck pulled it off...

A wedding is a celebration of the unique bond that you share with your significant other. There will be a lot of people telling you that things should be done this way or that. Go with your gut, and you will have the most genuine and Awesome experience. All I have to do now is plan an equally unique and Awesome honeymoon -- I may stick with this beach theme.

-The Captain

Awesome Tips For Being In The Doghouse

2009-04-06T21:19:11Z

A terrifying post apocalyptic wasteland. You find yourself scrounging for food. Every day is a battle for survival. Ok that may be an exaggeration, but no one likes to be in the DOGHOUSE. Relationships are a tricky thing. I am not going to lie to you guys, Ellie is not too happy with me right now. The key is to be AWESOME and never getting in there in the first place. But if you do find yourself relegated to the couch there are some tips to survive.

Don’t underestimate the wrath of woman

>Your lady may seem harmless. She is kind, beautiful and caring. She cries at movies and saves bugs that get in the house. But don’t be fooled, If you mess up, there is a dose of pain waiting for you.

Lay Low

Be cool. Once the beast is out, do as your told. Don’t try and be a hero gentlemen. If you find yourself in the doghouse all you can do is survive, until the wave has passed. If you trying and fight it, you will be crushed. Your goal is to find the right way to apologize not make things worse.

Romantic Gesture

Wait for your moment and make the most of it. There is a time to step up to the plate and do something truly romantic. It may be 2009, but a romantic gesture is still effective. Surprise her, show her you love her and let your Awesomeness shine. You might even try the old pancakes for dinner move...

Be strong!
-- The Captain.

Tips For An Awesome Bachelor Party

2009-03-27T00:24:21Z

Barbaric? Sometimes. Inappropriate? Likely. Necessary? Absolutely. Listen up gentlemen, there is a very special time in a man’s life, a time in which he must make a complete and total commitment. He must put everything else aside, and focus on the task at hand: the ancient and sacred ritual of an AWESOME bachelor party. My party did not go exactly as planned, in fact I can’t remember any of it, which is not Awesome, but there are some basic guidelines.

Remember who the party is really for:

Your buddies may tell you that the party is in your honor: your last hurrah of bachelordom, a celebration of what once was, a glorious send off to a new life. All that may be true, but this party is not really for you -- it’s for them. They are the ones who planned it and they are ones who are going to have the most Awesome time.

Establish clear boundaries with your significant other:

Ladies, please understand, this is not something that we want to do, this is our duty to our buddies. They have been waiting years to have fun on our big night. Communication is the key here. Both you and your girl must know exactly what is expected of you going into the event. So surprises. No drama. All Awesome.

Pick the right person to plan it:

A vital element of any successful bachelor bash is picking the right man to organize the event. This needs to be your go-to-guy, your number two, your wingman extraordinaire. The wrong friend will have the guys in matching t-shirts eating mango and yogurt at the local Orange Orange. Not Awesome.

Remember what is really important:

Guys, this may seem cheesy, but remember why you are getting married in the first place. You love this woman. Keep your eye on the prize. The result of a great bachelor bash should be: happy and satisfied friends and an equally happy wife-to-be. Now if I can only learn to follow my own advice. I just can’t remember what happened…

-- Awesome

An Awesome Day at the Ballpark

2009-02-21T01:48:07Z

Drink it in! The sights sounds of baseball are upon us again. Yes, even the smells are familiar: fresh-cut grass, hotdogs and the fat guy sweating in the stands next to you (that part may not be so awesome). Pitchers and catchers have reported and spring training is underway, we are only weeks away from America's past time starting back up and that is AWESOME!!

For the highly passionate fan: I understand you love your team more than your family and friends, you sold your car for season tickets and believe that if you wear your lucky underpants your team is guaranteed to win, but lets try to keep things within reason...

Keep the heckling to minimum. "Your mother is a bum, with a hairy back and mustache" may seem fitting at the time, but in retrospect that is not a very cool thing say. I am sure that player has a lovely mother.

No matter how much you care, it is never ok to boo your own team. If you keep the good vibes flowing, the team has a much better chance of playing Awesome.

Although obscure statistics are very interesting to you, those in the stands around you may not be interested that Lenny Dykstra had 31 stolen bases in '86.

Keep your shirt on. Under no circumstances does it help your team for you to remove ANY articles of clothing.

For the not-so-passionate fan:

I will admit baseball can be slow, but try to be patient. There is nothing like watching a majestic home run soar over the wall, or a stolen base setting up the game-winning hit!

If you are sitting at the game wondering when something is going to happen, remember things could be worse. You are outside, you are drinking a beer and it is totally acceptable to eat ice cream out of plastic hats, scream wildly, and to toss your peanut shells on the ground!

Play Ball!!

-- Captain Awesome

Awesome Valentine's!

2009-02-11T18:47:09Z

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Valentines Day can be AWESOME
You just have know what to do...

For all you gentlemen out there, listen very closely to this first part: No matter how cool your girl is, no matter how down to earth, no matter what she might tell you, VALENTINES DAY IS A HUGE DEAL. Chuck, I hope you are reading this and have something planned for Sarah, she’s a real catch Bro!

Love is the air… or is that terror? Take a breath, reach out and find something stable to hold on to – everything is gong to be AWESOME. Don’t let the pressure get to you. Don’t get confused by the hearts, the candies, the teddy bears and sappy poems. Remember this is a time to celebrate the person that you love. It’s V-Day people, so calm yourselves and let’s talk love not war.

What not to do: Let’s start by going over what not to do. I think the perfect person to teach us exactly what not to do on Valentines, is our bearded friend Morgan Grimes. The little guy has done something for Ellie Bartowski every Valentines for the last 15 years. Here are a few of the highlights:

On Valentines Day in 96’ Ellie went to take her morning shower and found Morgan sitting in her bathtub surrounded by Teddy Bears – not AWESOME.

In 03’ Morgan decided to show up at the hospital. He followed Ellie around reading her love poetry until she called security – not AWESOME.

Two years ago was a particularly bad year. Morgan showed up in the courtyard outside our window with a boom box on his shoulder and started to play “Wind Beneath My Wings.” He actually brought himself to tears that year – not AWESOME.

What to do: I can’t tell you exactly what to do because it is completely personal. But, I do know the best Valentines days are unique and spontaneous. You don’t need to buy the diamond ring. This year I am taking Ellie on a hike leading to a romantic picnic. I may follow that up with some rock climbing, a 10k run and some mountain biking. If you’re not up for the workout, just stick to the picnic. Oh, and a dozen roses never hurt...

Did your V-Day turn out AWESOME? Let me know...

- Captain

Tips For Being Awesome On The Dance Floor

2009-02-09T22:53:28Z

Let’s be honest people, times have been tough, but I wouldn’t worry too much -- there are still many things that are just plain AWESOME! With the wedding around the corner Ellie and I have been working on her ballroom dancing. (As you can imagine my skills are already polished and ready for the D-floor, but there is always room for improvement, right Bro?) So I got to thinking, and realized that we should all take a note from Napoleon Dynamite -- dancing is FREE and very Awesome.

We’re not the first ones to figure this out. People have been getting down for quite a while now. Were you aware that dancing can be traced to prehistoric times? They found paintings of people busting moves as early as 3300 BC. Moonwalk anyone? So strap on your dancing shoes and let’s talk about the art form of getting jiggy with it...

Keep your dance moves venue-appropriate. You don’t want to show up to a black tie affair and try and impress with a crip-walk (no offense to all you C-walkers). Conversely, I don’t think many of the ladies at your local dance club would like to join you in a foxtrot or rumba. Am I right ladies? So keep aware of your surroundings.

Forget about the cheesy moves. The Macarena has come, and gone, we all have to deal with the guilt in our own way. (I know it still haunts my dreams. Hey Macarena!!) But let’s try and learn from our mistake -- Morgan, I am looking at you. Forget about the electric slide, the shopping cart, the lawn mower, the robot, the cabbage patch, the worm, the running man and of course the feared… hokey pokey. Need I say more? NOT Awesome. Stick to the basics baby.

Help the wallflower. Listen, everyone deserves the chance to shake their money-makers, but some are more shy than others. So, if you are out there movin’ and groovin’ and you see someone looking sad and sitting on the sidelines, step up, be awesome, and extend a helping hand, they just might blow your mind.

- Awesome out

Captain Awesome's Tips for a Successful Awesome Bowl Party

2009-01-30T22:00:35Z

Let's GET IT ON!

The weekend is finally here. I am in Tampa, getting ready for the game. You are, well, on the Internet, so I figured I'd take this last opportunity to give you some tips that have made the Awesome Bowl party one to remember every year.

1) GET YOUR 3-D GLASSES! There's going to be a 3-D halftime event. Get your glasses at your local grocery store, and keep them for Monday, when there's some great comedy on at 8pm, also in 3-D! Man am I excited.

2) Always have homemade guacamole. Awesome Bowl weekend is the biggest weekend in America for avocado consumption (It's true, these are the things they teach you in med school), which means you should get your hands on the little green things Friday or Saturday so you're not stuck with the dregs.

3) Watch it with friends. There's nothing better than sharing the Awesome Bowl experience with others. If you're having a party, invite your friends. Coworkers and neighbors are okay, but you really want to watch the game with a group of friends who will understand when you run out of the room, freaked out by the sight of a dancing monkey.

4) Don't be a fair weather fan. If you weren't a fan of either team before the playoffs started, you're not a fan now. You can bet, cheer, and celebrate with them, but don't call yourself a "fan." The die-hard supporters won't like it. Which leads me to...

5) Don't taunt the lifers. If there are die-hard fans of either team at the party, this is a big day for them. Let 'em go a little nuts. On the other hand, if their team doesn't do well, DO NOT POKE THEM WITH A STICK. If you paid attention to rule #3, these are friends, and there's nothing worse than having your friends rub salt in your wounds.

6) If you're confused by the game, don't ask what inning it is. The NBC Sports team is smart. They know a lot of people watch the Awesome Bowl who are not regular football fans. The announcers are going to go out of their way to explain the rules and the intricacies of the game. If you pay attention, you will learn. If you ask what's going on, it takes the "true" football fans away from the game, and that's almost as bad as poking them with a stick. (See rule #5)

7) Enjoy yourself! Whether your team wins or loses, it's going to be an Awesome day. Don't worry yourself over the little things. Everyone runs out of chips, or pretzels... or cheese-stuffed hot-dogs (wow, did that make Morgan unhappy), but if you let that stress you out, you won't enjoy the game. Relax, take it in stride and enjoy the game!

Have an Awesome Day!

--The Captain.

Oh... and I almost forgot. Tune in early to see my "Greatest Plays" highlight reel of all these crazies I live and work with.

The Awesome Bowl!

2009-01-20T23:51:01Z

Dudes and Dudettes, the playoffs are over. In a scant few days, the professional football season will conclude with a hard-hitting spectacle I like to call "The Awesome Bowl."† Four quarters to decide, once-and-for-all, who the best team in professional football is.

...and I'm doing the pre-game!

That's right, they've asked me, Captain Awesome, to take part in the Pre-Game show. Awesome. In front of a Billion people. Billion. Awesome. With a "B."

1,000,000,000.

*gulp*

Awesome.

Still, Ellie's more excited about the commercials.

Stay Awesome, and tune in on February 1.
Captain Awesome.

† I call it Awesome for two reasons [1] I think it sounds better, and [2] there are some licensing issues.

Captain Awesome's New Years Resolutions

2008-12-30T01:44:24Z

1) Be awesome. Everyone should strive for optimum awesomeness
in all situations. Remember: He who thinks he's the most awesome... isn't.

2) Help others be awesome. One of the most important things we can do is to make the world more awesome. Part of that is helping others maximize their awesomeness. For my part, I'm going to volunteer, save some lives and, oh, yeah, write a blog.

3) Don't stress over things that aren't awesome. Let's face it, we all have days that are tough. The important thing to remember is that for every day that isn't awesome, there are dozens, maybe hundreds of reasons to smile. So find something awesome about every day and focus on it. Awesome.

Happy New Year!
--Captain Awesome

Captain Awesome's Office Holiday Party Survival Guide:

2008-12-22T23:46:12Z

Hey Everybody, it's that time of year! The time where each of us, in our place of business, is faced with that dreaded event known as the office holiday party. This year, I've put together a short list of pointers to help get you through it unscathed.

1) Avoid the Mistletoe. Undoubtedly, some joker in accounting will hide a sprig in an inconspicuous doorway, hoping to entrap Janice from accounting. The problem for you is that, if you're not paying attention, you can very easily find yourself kissing Berta, the lady from HR with a pre-cancerous mole and a drinking problem. You know how rumors spread in the office, and you don't want to be Monday morning's water cooler talk.

2) Egg Nog is a delicious treat, but it doesn't mix with driving. Or karaoke. Or dancing. Come to think of it, better stay away from the Egg Nog.

3) Candles are bad. Every year, office party planners across the country try to "class up" their holiday celebration with real, live, fire. Here is a partial list of things that can burn:
Your clothing.
Someone else's clothing.
The non-denomenational holiday shrubbery.
Berta's alcohol-laced breath.
The Mistletoe.
The tablecloth.
That big contract you just signed.
Mustaches.
Trust me. Parties and fire don't mix. If you see a candle, blow it out.

4) The Copy Machine is a Disaster Waiting to Happen: Let me be perfectly clear on this point. I have no objection to those of you deciding to make impromptu copies of body parts, but the glass tray on the photocopier was NEVER MEANT TO HOLD YOUR WEIGHT. Each December, countless victims arrive in the ER with shards of glass in their backside (or worse). If you don't want to be one of them, do yourself a favor: stay off the Xerox.

5) Enjoy yourself. The purpose of a party is to have fun. Too often, we get too wound up about office politics; about the running feud with the guys in Accounts Payable, or about trying to nab the best gift in the White Elephant exchange. The holiday party is a time to celebrate, and trust me, when people see you having fun, they'll have fun. In fact, it was at a holiday party when I met this girl Ellie and, well, you know what happened next.

Thanksgiving is Awesome!

2008-11-26T20:14:05Z

And even though Honey and Woody can't make, I still get to spend this year's Turkey Day with family and friends. What could be better? My favorite parts of Thanksgiving, in no particular order:

Turkey: Classically roasted, thank you. Some things just don't need to be fried.

Stuffing: No question about it. The best stuffing is cooked *IN THE BIRD*. Who's with me?

Morgan Eating Mashed Potatoes: He always gets them in his beard. Boy does that little gremlin know how to enjoy a spud.

Football: Does it really matter who's playing? It's a tradition, and a perfect way to fight through the food coma and ready your self for pie.

Oh, and Pie: Warm pumpkin with real whipped cream? Mmmm. It might be a little gluttonous, but I'm a doctor, and once a year can't hurt. Tomorrow: sit-ups.

But best part of thanksgiving is...

Making Dinner with Ellie: Did I mention we're getting married? Spending the holidays with your betrothed -- there's nothing better (particularly when the oysters in the stuffing kick in).

How are you spending your turkey day?

Conservation is Awesome

2008-11-20T02:04:00Z

Look, I love a good bikini as much as the next guy. But truth is, we don't the SI swimsuit issue shooting in the Arctic, so I've come up with a few tips for using fewer resources so we can all help save the planet.

1) Turn the A/C off. If it's too hot in your place, open a window. If it's still too hot, take off some clothes. It's your place. What's the harm in walking around naked every so often?

2) Drive less. Ride more. In addition to cutting down on pollution, it will make you look that much better when you're following suggestion #1.

3) When you're not using them, turn off the lights. And really, if you're with the right person, can't you have just as much fun in the dark as you can in the light? Call it "navigating by Braille."

4) Fewer video games, more hikes. Less football on TV, more football in the park. Cut down on the Internet. Look, gadgets eat power. The more entertainment you can find outside, the less energy you'll consume. Get outside. Enjoy the world. If we all do, maybe it'll be around a little longer.

And finally...

5) Save water. Shower with a friend.

How about you? What are you doing to save the world?

Vote Awesome!

2008-11-04T17:25:15Z

Man, voting is awesome. When I was a wee little Awesome, maybe Corporal- or Private First Class Awesome, I used to think, "Heck, why should I vote? It's not like my vote is going to change anything."

Boy was I wrong.

The reason you vote is because your vote *does* matter. We live in a country run BY THE PEOPLEº. I mean, sure, America is a REPUBLIC, not a Democracy like everyone says, but it's still REPRESENTATIVE GOVERNMENT!

The reason we vote is to have our voices heard. You might be a little Awesome, a little Chuck, or heck, even a little Morgan. But if all the little Morgans of the world get out there and vote, then guess what?

The little bearded guy in all of us gets Free Pizza Fridays (or whatever it was the half-pint furball was campaigning for)!

Me? I'm supporting a measure to mandate National Awesome Awareness Day. If you don't like it (or you think there are too many government imposed holidays already), vote against it. I don't mind; it's your choice!

Majority rules in this country, bro (or sis). If you don't vote, you don't have a voice. And I don't wanna hear you complaining when the Jeff Barnes of the world pass their ballot initiative for No Pants Tuesdays.

So make yourself heard. Go to the polls and VOTE AWESOME.

Footnote:
*at least most of us do, but I'm guessing if you're reading this someplace where voting isn't allowed, you're probably not supposed to be on the Internet either. That's not awesome.

Dancing is Awesome...

2008-10-21T20:54:00Z

Dancing is Awesome... but not on television. The sole purpose for televisions is to watch sports*, and dancing is not a sport**. Put down the remote, put on some shoes, and take the little lady out.

* and Awesome spy comedies.

** dancing fails the sequin test. If any part of the required uniform contains (or is allowed to contain) sequins, the event is not a sport. Also, dancing is disqualified due to the participation of judges and the existence of "artistic impression."

Eat Awesome

2008-10-07T00:48:03Z

To be truly Awesome, you have to be physically Awesome, and that starts by eating right. An awesome day starts with an Awesome breakfast. Milk, an egg or two, and dry toast. Awesome can't survive on Sugary Puffs and fruit drink. Fill out the day with Awesome lunch and Awesome dinner (think: steak). Your body is a temple. Don't let the Lamestanians invade your Awesomeness and desecrate it.