The big day is finally here. I, Devon Woodcombe, am a married man. Sorry, ladies, I am officially off the market. I just locked down the girl of my dreams, the love of my life, and I must say it feels truly AWESOME!!! Things started out a little rocky, but like anything, I stayed focused and channeled my Awesome.


WEDDING ATTEMPT #1

Tradition. Class. Elegance. Those are staples that my parents live by. That was the goal for the wedding. But it seems a traditional white wedding was not in the cards for Ellie and me. But always remember: there is AWESOMNESS to be found in calamity. There are some old legends that may still hold some truth:

Rain on the wedding day
There is an old myth: If there is rain on the wedding day it will bring good luck to the couple. It was a sign of fertility. Although the sun was shining outside, there was a major rainstorm inside the chapel. Fingers crossed for mini-Awesomes!

Tears on the wedding day
It is also said, that it is good luck if the bride cries on the day of her wedding. She will cry away all her tears, leaving none for the marriage. If that is true, Ellie Bartowksi and I are in very good shape. The sprinklers started the waterworks and Ellie finished the job.

Jeffster rocked the chapel
Jeffster got on that stage and laid it on the line. Any time you have a piano key t-shirt and fireworks inside a chapel, you know that something special is happening. Mostly the reaction was shock and fear amongst the guests. But, I hear there is a new urban legend growing: If JEFFSTER plays your wedding it will bring you good luck. They are the fortune cookie of wedding bands -- no one likes them, but for some reason they bring good luck.


WEDDING ATEMPT #2

The beach wedding was truly AWESOME. It was small, informal and unexpected. There is nothing like looking around and seeing all familiar faces. This wedding may not have had the pomp and ceremony that my folks had planned on, but when I looked into Ellie's eyes I knew it was right. I don't know how Chuck pulled it off...

A wedding is a celebration of the unique bond that you share with your significant other. There will be a lot of people telling you that things should be done this way or that. Go with your gut, and you will have the most genuine and Awesome experience. All I have to do now is plan an equally unique and Awesome honeymoon -- I may stick with this beach theme.


-The Captain

Barbaric? Sometimes. Inappropriate? Likely. Necessary? Absolutely. Listen up gentlemen, there is a very special time in a man’s life, a time in which he must make a complete and total commitment. He must put everything else aside, and focus on the task at hand: the ancient and sacred ritual of an AWESOME bachelor party. My party did not go exactly as planned, in fact I can’t remember any of it, which is not Awesome, but there are some basic guidelines.


Remember who the party is really for:

Your buddies may tell you that the party is in your honor: your last hurrah of bachelordom, a celebration of what once was, a glorious send off to a new life. All that may be true, but this party is not really for you -- it’s for them. They are the ones who planned it and they are ones who are going to have the most Awesome time.



Establish clear boundaries with your significant other:

Ladies, please understand, this is not something that we want to do, this is our duty to our buddies. They have been waiting years to have fun on our big night. Communication is the key here. Both you and your girl must know exactly what is expected of you going into the event. So surprises. No drama. All Awesome.


Pick the right person to plan it:

A vital element of any successful bachelor bash is picking the right man to organize the event. This needs to be your go-to-guy, your number two, your wingman extraordinaire. The wrong friend will have the guys in matching t-shirts eating mango and yogurt at the local Orange Orange. Not Awesome.


Remember what is really important:

Guys, this may seem cheesy, but remember why you are getting married in the first place. You love this woman. Keep your eye on the prize. The result of a great bachelor bash should be: happy and satisfied friends and an equally happy wife-to-be. Now if I can only learn to follow my own advice. I just can’t remember what happened…



-- Awesome

Drink it in! The sights sounds of baseball are upon us again. Yes, even the smells are familiar: fresh-cut grass, hotdogs and the fat guy sweating in the stands next to you (that part may not be so awesome). Pitchers and catchers have reported and spring training is underway, we are only weeks away from America's past time starting back up and that is AWESOME!!

For the highly passionate fan: I understand you love your team more than your family and friends, you sold your car for season tickets and believe that if you wear your lucky underpants your team is guaranteed to win, but lets try to keep things within reason...

Keep the heckling to minimum. "Your mother is a bum, with a hairy back and mustache" may seem fitting at the time, but in retrospect that is not a very cool thing say. I am sure that player has a lovely mother.

No matter how much you care, it is never ok to boo your own team. If you keep the good vibes flowing, the team has a much better chance of playing Awesome.

Although obscure statistics are very interesting to you, those in the stands around you may not be interested that Lenny Dykstra had 31 stolen bases in '86.

Keep your shirt on. Under no circumstances does it help your team for you to remove ANY articles of clothing.


For the not-so-passionate fan:

I will admit baseball can be slow, but try to be patient. There is nothing like watching a majestic home run soar over the wall, or a stolen base setting up the game-winning hit!

If you are sitting at the game wondering when something is going to happen, remember things could be worse. You are outside, you are drinking a beer and it is totally acceptable to eat ice cream out of plastic hats, scream wildly, and to toss your peanut shells on the ground!

Play Ball!!

-- Captain Awesome

Let’s be honest people, times have been tough, but I wouldn’t worry too much -- there are still many things that are just plain AWESOME! With the wedding around the corner Ellie and I have been working on her ballroom dancing. (As you can imagine my skills are already polished and ready for the D-floor, but there is always room for improvement, right Bro?) So I got to thinking, and realized that we should all take a note from Napoleon Dynamite -- dancing is FREE and very Awesome.

We’re not the first ones to figure this out. People have been getting down for quite a while now. Were you aware that dancing can be traced to prehistoric times? They found paintings of people busting moves as early as 3300 BC. Moonwalk anyone? So strap on your dancing shoes and let’s talk about the art form of getting jiggy with it...

Keep your dance moves venue-appropriate. You don’t want to show up to a black tie affair and try and impress with a crip-walk (no offense to all you C-walkers). Conversely, I don’t think many of the ladies at your local dance club would like to join you in a foxtrot or rumba. Am I right ladies? So keep aware of your surroundings.

Forget about the cheesy moves. The Macarena has come, and gone, we all have to deal with the guilt in our own way. (I know it still haunts my dreams. Hey Macarena!!) But let’s try and learn from our mistake -- Morgan, I am looking at you. Forget about the electric slide, the shopping cart, the lawn mower, the robot, the cabbage patch, the worm, the running man and of course the feared… hokey pokey. Need I say more? NOT Awesome. Stick to the basics baby.

Help the wallflower. Listen, everyone deserves the chance to shake their money-makers, but some are more shy than others. So, if you are out there movin’ and groovin’ and you see someone looking sad and sitting on the sidelines, step up, be awesome, and extend a helping hand, they just might blow your mind.


- Awesome out

Let's GET IT ON!

The weekend is finally here. I am in Tampa, getting ready for the game. You are, well, on the Internet, so I figured I'd take this last opportunity to give you some tips that have made the Awesome Bowl party one to remember every year.

1) GET YOUR 3-D GLASSES! There's going to be a 3-D halftime event. Get your glasses at your local grocery store, and keep them for Monday, when there's some great comedy on at 8pm, also in 3-D! Man am I excited.

2) Always have homemade guacamole. Awesome Bowl weekend is the biggest weekend in America for avocado consumption (It's true, these are the things they teach you in med school), which means you should get your hands on the little green things Friday or Saturday so you're not stuck with the dregs.

3) Watch it with friends. There's nothing better than sharing the Awesome Bowl experience with others. If you're having a party, invite your friends. Coworkers and neighbors are okay, but you really want to watch the game with a group of friends who will understand when you run out of the room, freaked out by the sight of a dancing monkey.

4) Don't be a fair weather fan. If you weren't a fan of either team before the playoffs started, you're not a fan now. You can bet, cheer, and celebrate with them, but don't call yourself a "fan." The die-hard supporters won't like it. Which leads me to...

5) Don't taunt the lifers. If there are die-hard fans of either team at the party, this is a big day for them. Let 'em go a little nuts. On the other hand, if their team doesn't do well, DO NOT POKE THEM WITH A STICK. If you paid attention to rule #3, these are friends, and there's nothing worse than having your friends rub salt in your wounds.

6) If you're confused by the game, don't ask what inning it is. The NBC Sports team is smart. They know a lot of people watch the Awesome Bowl who are not regular football fans. The announcers are going to go out of their way to explain the rules and the intricacies of the game. If you pay attention, you will learn. If you ask what's going on, it takes the "true" football fans away from the game, and that's almost as bad as poking them with a stick. (See rule #5)

7) Enjoy yourself! Whether your team wins or loses, it's going to be an Awesome day. Don't worry yourself over the little things. Everyone runs out of chips, or pretzels... or cheese-stuffed hot-dogs (wow, did that make Morgan unhappy), but if you let that stress you out, you won't enjoy the game. Relax, take it in stride and enjoy the game!

Have an Awesome Day!


--The Captain.

Oh... and I almost forgot. Tune in early to see my "Greatest Plays" highlight reel of all these crazies I live and work with.

Dudes and Dudettes, the playoffs are over. In a scant few days, the professional football season will conclude with a hard-hitting spectacle I like to call "The Awesome Bowl."† Four quarters to decide, once-and-for-all, who the best team in professional football is.

...and I'm doing the pre-game!

That's right, they've asked me, Captain Awesome, to take part in the Pre-Game show. Awesome. In front of a Billion people. Billion. Awesome. With a "B."

1,000,000,000.

*gulp*

Awesome.


Still, Ellie's more excited about the commercials.


Stay Awesome, and tune in on February 1.
Captain Awesome.


† I call it Awesome for two reasons [1] I think it sounds better, and [2] there are some licensing issues.

And even though Honey and Woody can't make, I still get to spend this year's Turkey Day with family and friends. What could be better? My favorite parts of Thanksgiving, in no particular order:

Turkey: Classically roasted, thank you. Some things just don't need to be fried.

Stuffing: No question about it. The best stuffing is cooked *IN THE BIRD*. Who's with me?

Morgan Eating Mashed Potatoes: He always gets them in his beard. Boy does that little gremlin know how to enjoy a spud.

Football: Does it really matter who's playing? It's a tradition, and a perfect way to fight through the food coma and ready your self for pie.

Oh, and Pie: Warm pumpkin with real whipped cream? Mmmm. It might be a little gluttonous, but I'm a doctor, and once a year can't hurt. Tomorrow: sit-ups.

But best part of thanksgiving is...

Making Dinner with Ellie: Did I mention we're getting married? Spending the holidays with your betrothed -- there's nothing better (particularly when the oysters in the stuffing kick in).

How are you spending your turkey day?

Look, I love a good bikini as much as the next guy. But truth is, we don't the SI swimsuit issue shooting in the Arctic, so I've come up with a few tips for using fewer resources so we can all help save the planet.


1) Turn the A/C off. If it's too hot in your place, open a window. If it's still too hot, take off some clothes. It's your place. What's the harm in walking around naked every so often?

2) Drive less. Ride more. In addition to cutting down on pollution, it will make you look that much better when you're following suggestion #1.

3) When you're not using them, turn off the lights. And really, if you're with the right person, can't you have just as much fun in the dark as you can in the light? Call it "navigating by Braille."

4) Fewer video games, more hikes. Less football on TV, more football in the park. Cut down on the Internet. Look, gadgets eat power. The more entertainment you can find outside, the less energy you'll consume. Get outside. Enjoy the world. If we all do, maybe it'll be around a little longer.

And finally...

5) Save water. Shower with a friend.


How about you? What are you doing to save the world?

Dancing is Awesome... but not on television. The sole purpose for televisions is to watch sports*, and dancing is not a sport**. Put down the remote, put on some shoes, and take the little lady out.

* and Awesome spy comedies.

** dancing fails the sequin test. If any part of the required uniform contains (or is allowed to contain) sequins, the event is not a sport. Also, dancing is disqualified due to the participation of judges and the existence of "artistic impression."

To be truly Awesome, you have to be physically Awesome, and that starts by eating right. An awesome day starts with an Awesome breakfast. Milk, an egg or two, and dry toast. Awesome can't survive on Sugary Puffs and fruit drink. Fill out the day with Awesome lunch and Awesome dinner (think: steak). Your body is a temple. Don't let the Lamestanians invade your Awesomeness and desecrate it.

Back when I played college ball, I used to dread the off-season. I'd spend the days reading my playbook, working out and watching old game tape. Okay, so it was sort of semi-Awesome. But there's nothing like the excitement of a new season: the anticipation, the new opponents, and plays you've never seen before. That's how it should be all the time. Play every day like it's the start of your new season.

Be Awesome.

Suits are Awesome for weddings, but not for going out. Being Awesome is all about showing your inner Awesome, not hiding it under restrictive, forced-conformity business garb. When you head out for the evening, leave the suit at home. If you have to wear a suit to get girls, it's because you're not Awesome--you're a Barney.