Hey Everybody, it's that time of year! The time where each of us, in our place of business, is faced with that dreaded event known as the office holiday party. This year, I've put together a short list of pointers to help get you through it unscathed.
1) Avoid the Mistletoe. Undoubtedly, some joker in accounting will hide a sprig in an inconspicuous doorway, hoping to entrap Janice from accounting. The problem for you is that, if you're not paying attention, you can very easily find yourself kissing Berta, the lady from HR with a pre-cancerous mole and a drinking problem. You know how rumors spread in the office, and you don't want to be Monday morning's water cooler talk.
2) Egg Nog is a delicious treat, but it doesn't mix with driving. Or karaoke. Or dancing. Come to think of it, better stay away from the Egg Nog.
3) Candles are bad. Every year, office party planners across the country try to "class up" their holiday celebration with real, live, fire. Here is a partial list of things that can burn:
Someone else's clothing.
The non-denomenational holiday shrubbery.
Berta's alcohol-laced breath.
That big contract you just signed.
Trust me. Parties and fire don't mix. If you see a candle, blow it out.
4) The Copy Machine is a Disaster Waiting to Happen: Let me be perfectly clear on this point. I have no objection to those of you deciding to make impromptu copies of body parts, but the glass tray on the photocopier was NEVER MEANT TO HOLD YOUR WEIGHT. Each December, countless victims arrive in the ER with shards of glass in their backside (or worse). If you don't want to be one of them, do yourself a favor: stay off the Xerox.
5) Enjoy yourself. The purpose of a party is to have fun. Too often, we get too wound up about office politics; about the running feud with the guys in Accounts Payable, or about trying to nab the best gift in the White Elephant exchange. The holiday party is a time to celebrate, and trust me, when people see you having fun, they'll have fun. In fact, it was at a holiday party when I met this girl Ellie and, well, you know what happened next.
New comedy with Anne Heche! Series Premiere, Thursday 8/7c. Preview now.