For Women:

Color - Bright and bold colors are so in. The more color you sport, the more attention you'll attract. The more attention you attract, the more dates you'll get. Who cares if those dates turn out to be gay? At least you landed them, all thanks to your good fashion sense... mine.

Shoes - Shoes always make an outfit. Always! Your shoes should make a statement and demand to be seen. They should be pointy and high, so you can kick a catty party attendant who puts down your choice in men, clothes, hair, or all three.

Jewelry - Those who say accessorizing is out never knew how to sport it to begin with. The rings, necklaces, earrings, and bracelets should be bright and big. Jewelry always makes a statement: It can say if you're single or married, or just unwed and pregnant.

Purses - Your purse should always match the shoes! It's a common rule that many don't live by, so start now. And remember, the bigger the bag, the more crab cakes you can take home later. Or in Karen's case, the bigger the bag, the bigger the flask!

For Men:

Suits - Men's suits are so underrated. It should fit properly and show off how that zone diet was treating you. Make sure your dress shirt is not buttoned high - that says "conservative and boring." But also make sure it's not buttoned too low - that says "Guido."

Shoes - The shoes should be shined and presentable. What the heck. go buy a new pair or five!

Jewelry - This was a trick category. Men's jewelry is creepy and should be avoided at all costs.