The human obsession with all things "cute" has become nothing short of a pandemic.  Our infatuation with creatures exhibiting pedomorphosis, the retention of child-like characteristics (such as large eyes and big heads), has allowed a plethora of dangerous and often deadly creatures to literally find their way into our hearts, devouring our most vital organ once they gain access.  And it's not just the creatures we traditionally associate with attacks: cute spiders and snakes.  A wide variety of the animals we least expect have been on a veritable killing spree of late.

Mankind's closest living relative, the chimpanzee, are the most dangerous and deceptive of killers, lulling weak-minded humans into a false sense of confidence with those "adorable" big, white, smiling teeth.  But the chimps are only smiling because they're thinking about using those "adorable" teeth to feast on your flesh and then steal your bananas.  And it's not just the teeth you have to worry about--it's their human-like hands.  They use their opposable thumbs to rip off your opposable thumbs.  That's right, they're aware of the evolutionary advantages of opposable thumbs and they don't want you to have them.  Plus, they'll go after your eyes, ears, noses, and testicles.

There are all-manner of animals touting their cute characteristics, waiting for us to let our guard down, so they can more easily strike us down.  Beware of the following so-called "cute" animals: Giant Panda Bears--use a little common sense, if you didn't know what a Giant Panda Bear was, would you befriend a creature that was described as "giant" and "bear-like"?  I think not.   Hedgehogs--a certain video game franchise coupled with the widespread email forwarding of baby hedgehog photos has caused people to think they're cute and cuddly.  Come on people, think; their bodies are covered in spikes!  Koala--people assume that since they're cute herbivores they must be "cuddly-wuddly," but these marsupials have sharp claws, a nasty temperament, and they won't hesitate to cut you.  It just goes to show, you can't trust any creature that has a bifurbicated (forked) penis.  These animals, and other killers just like them, are truly putting the "cute" in "execute."

So what can you do?  Well for starters, buy mink coats.  Also, fox, chinchilla, and leopard-skin.  Test medications, toiletries, cleaning products, and experimental surgeries on sweet-looking critters, not humans.  Stop trying to domesticate adorable animals that clearly should remain in their natural habitat and be hunted there.  And remember to look past these animals' big cute eyes and see them for the vicious and ruthless killers they actually are.