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SEASON 32: Chris "Ludacris" Bridges
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Weekend Update: Amy Poehler and Seth Meyers
Tonight’s top stories: Bush met with the independent panel examining strategic options in Iraq but cautioned afterwards that while he was open to new ideas, he’d like them to come only from people that agree with him.

Friday, The FDA ended its 14 year ban on silicone breast implants. Said a spokesperson for the FDA: “Awooga, awoogawooga!!!”

Senator Trent Lott, who was previously ousted four years ago from his position as Senate Majority Leader, was elected Thursday as Senate Minority Whip, though he was disappointed to learn that this does not mean that he will be allowed to whip minorities.

In Kentucky, four people were shot with b.b. guns as they waited in line outside Best Buy to purchase the new Playstation 3, in yet another disturbing case of nerd-on-nerd violence.

O.J. Simpson has announced plans for a TV interview and book in which he hypothetically discusses how he could have committed the murders of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman. Seth introduces a special guest to comment on the ethical nature of this event: John Mark Karr.

John Mark Karr berates Fox, Judith Regan and especially OJ for the empty publicity of once again fueling the myth that OJ killed Nicole. When Seth expresses his surprise that Karr doesn’t believe OJ did it, Karr says he knows that OJ didn’t kill Nicole, because HE did it. Feeling how good it feels to get that “off his chest”, he then confesses to a whole string of crimes: hitting Naomi Campbell’s maid in the head with a cell phone, shooting Fifty Cent, killing Bambi’s mom….

Jesse Jackson, Oprah Winfrey, Maya Angelou and Tommy Hilfiger were among those gathered in Washington DC for the groundbreaking of the Martin Luther King, Jr. Memorial. And you know that if Martin Luther King were alive, he would have looked at the crowd and said, “Why the hell is Tommy Hilfiger here?”

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were married earlier today in a castle in Italy. Amy and Seth take a look at some of the guests. The groom’s parents to the left of the wedding dais. The bride’s parents to the right. Level 8 operational thetans were at table #2. At table 8, aliens from the planet Klargon 7, along with the Meetmorks, which outraged Seth as the Klargons hate the Meetmorks. And over here were the coocoos and the dumdums, which Seth and Amy agreed was good, as the coocoos love the dumdums. Yes, indeed, coocoos are great at weddings. And way back at that table in the far corner, that far corner that was not actually on the map… Brooke Shields.

NBC announced more layoffs this week, though in a bit of good news for the network, the Dateline Sex Predator house is going co-op.

Seth announces that Spiderman star Tobie Maguire and his fiancée Jennifer Meyer had a baby girl out of "weblock." When Seth groans at his own joke, he is suddenly descended upon by the wrath of legendary basketball coach Bobbie Knight, who reams him a new one for not taking his jokes seriously, finishing his tirade by shouting at Seth, “Stay in the game Myers!” After Coach Knight leaves, Amy asks Seth if he thinks Coach Knight is over it yet, and when Seth says “no, no, he’s fine” he gets pelted hard in the side by a basketball.

Next week is Thanksgiving, and here with an important message for teen girls is the editor of Sixteen and ½ Magazine, Annoosa Rosenfeld.

Annoosa says it is totally awesome to be here (MySpace!) and then tells all the girls out there that while it is totally awesome to, like, donate canned goods and stuff to all the hungry people in the world, you don’t have to stop there. You can donate all your food, all of it, just keep donating until you feel like you're just going to pass out! (Fall Out Boy!) She does a tribute to all of the awesome celebrities who have donated all of their own food to people around the world: Kate Bosworth, Mischa Barton, and especially Nicole Ritchie, whose Thanksgiving Spirit Anoosa can just see almost jutting through her chest!

Christian and Muslim Briton’s joined forces yesterday to tell city officials to stop taking the Christianity out of Christmas, warning them that this only fuels a backlash against Muslims. Also fueling a backlash against Muslims: terrorism.

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Episode Sketches
Cold Open: Special Address from President George W. Bush
Monologue: "Ludacris" Cris Bridges
Commercial: Hypin' the Classics
Infomercial: Dr. Archibald Bitchslap
Sketch: The O'Reilly Factor
Commercial: Booty Bidness Workwear
Sketch: Blizzard Man
Musical Guest: Ludacris Performs "Money Maker"
Weekend Update: Amy Poehler and Seth Meyers
Sketch: Pool Watch
Sketch: Hair Transplant Doctor
Sketch: Lesbian Cruise
Musical Guest: Ludacris and Mary J. Blige Perform "Runaway Love"
Sketch: Two Old Men
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