|
Here are tonight's top stories: in an ironic turnaround, Iraq brought regime change to the U.S. with the Democrats' midterm election sweep. Political pundits say that the election was a referendum on the war in Iraq, Katrina, torture, Congressional scandals, the environment, the economy, wiretapping, Osama's continued freedom, saars, and the NFL. Nancy Pelosi, the likely Speaker of the House, had lunch with President Bush, but to rub things in she left early to have an abortion.
The week's other big news was Donald Rumsfeld's resignation. Recently, Seth sat down with the beleaguered Secretary of Defense in a Weekend Update exclusive interview.
In his interview, Seth asks Rummy if there was anything he'd do differently if he could do it all over again as a mover comes into frame to haul out furniture. Seth points out that the mover is having trouble carting out the couch and suggests to Rummy that they need more movers. Rummy disagrees, "You go into the job with the movers that you have." Next, Seth points out the banner that Rumsfeld hung – Move Accomplished – and then throws it back to Amy as he chips in to help out with the big move.
Also in election news, Arizona became the first state to defeat an amendment banning gay marriage, while Missouri approved a measure to back stem cell research, and Kansas drowned a witch.
A man in Florida survived a gunshot wound to his chest thanks to two small Bibles tucked into his shirt pocket so Seth strangled him.
To give an overview of holiday films is Weekend Update's new "culture correspondent," Amy's aunt Linda. Linda hates all the recent spate of movies, starting with "Babel," which she rates as "Oh, Brother." The movie "Happy Feet" fares no better, which gets a "What?" while "Flushed Away" gets an "Oh, Boy" and a "Ghaa." Finally is "Saw 3," which she loved, giving it a "Thank You" and a "Watch and Learn, Martin Scorcese."
Time Magazine has named YouTube.com the invention of the year, but the ceremony was marred when Kanye West ran onto the stage and grabbed the microphone. In science, researchers suggest that seafood will run out in the year 2048 thanks to Red Lobster's "Eat All the Shrimp in Existence" special.
Waiter Derrick Landerton stops by to talk about Tom Cruise's reported $12,000 steak dinner with finance Katie Holmes. Derrick explains that food can add up pretty fast at his restaurant. For instance, Tom had the shrimp cocktail, which goes for $12 and Katie had the house salad for $9. Also on the bill was the New York strip for $26, the salmon for $18, a $35 bottle of wine, and then... Derrick does some quick math and realizes that it doesn't add up to close to $12,000. "Oh no, I think I overcharged them." Derrick takes off to talk to his manager, leaving Amy and Seth to wrap up the news with stories of a marijuana-laced Burger King hamburger and a new system that allows drivers to access the Internet while driving.
|
