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Miss USA® Fear Factor (04/11/05)

by Fearless Frankie

April showers bring May flowers, then what does April Fear Factor bring? Miss USA® contestants! Yes, it’s that unique time of year when six beauty pageant contestants are willing to do anything to prove that they are more than just pretty faces and hot bods. Of course, all we really care about is seeing their pretty faces screaming in fear and their hot bods covered in slimy goo. Among the competitors were Miss District of Columbia, Miss New York, Miss Kentucky, Miss Massachusetts, Miss California and Miss Oklahoma. The girls arrived in bathing suits, sashes and crowns to see their first Fear Factor stunt. A large square of scaffolding was suspended above water. The girls would each make their way around the square’s narrow sides collecting Fear Factor flags. As they moved along the four sides, water would randomly blast up at them from holes within the beams. The stunt would require balance, strength and determination. No crowns required.

Miss Kentucky, Kristen, was up first. She was “100 percent country girl”, she told Joe, and used to kill frogs inorder to eat frog legs. Sounds perfect for a future Fear Factor stunt. Kristen ditched the crown and sash and took her position atop the scaffolding. She went to unclip the first flag and immediately received a full frontal face assault by a powerful water blast. She kept it together for a moment, but when she stood up with the flag Kristen lost her balance and fell into the water below! The other girls were shocked, but supportive in an upbeat, beauty pageant way. Miss DC, Sarah-Elizabeth, was next and was sure that her gymnastics background would help with the challenge at hand. Sarah got off to a shaky start, but then her gymnastic training kicked in. She walked the first beam collecting flags, but timed her flag snags to avoid the water blasts. This was a good strategy for getting flags, but slowed her down considerably. Ultimately, Sarah-Elizabeth grabbed all 10 flags with a final time of 1:58.4.

Miss Massachusetts, Cristina, told Joe that being Miss Fear Factor would prove to the world that beauty contestants are fierce competitors. Cristina was fierce in how quickly she fell! She took a dive after only the second flag. Could Miss California give Miss DC a run for her money? Miss California, Brittany, admitted to having a huge fear of clowns – but since no clowns were involved in the stunt (other than Joe), she should’ve been on top of her game. Never-the-less, a huge water blast following the first flag blew Brittany’s goggles off! Somehow Brittany kept it together and kept going, but not for long. She paused to replace her goggles, then started to fall. She tried to grab a hold of the beam, but couldn’t hang on. Brittany got 3 flags in 46.3 seconds. Miss New York, Meaghan, was determined to do well, while Miss Kentucky’s fate hung in the balance. Meaghan had much better balance than the some of the other girls. In the end, Meaghan got all 10 flags but in 2:33 – a little slower than Miss DC. Kentucky was out and Miss Oklahoma was up next. Miss Oklahoma, Laci, was the youngest competitor at age 18 and still in high school! If Laci did well, then Miss Massachusetts was heading home. Laci got her first two flags pretty quickly and only had one flag to go for a spot on day two. She was wobbly, but she did it! Cristina (Miss Mass.) was out. Laci kept going until she snagged the 10th flag for a final time of 2:32.

Now that these pretty girls had made it day two, things were about to get ugly. Joe revealed the next stunt, which also involved water. Each girl had to slide backwards through a narrow tube (think hamster tube) to retrieve three keys while water blasted at them. Each time they grabbed a key 50 gallons of either fish guts, fish oil or worms would dump onto them. Ultimately, the girls would use the collected keys to open the escape hatch and finish the stunt. After the second key was pulled, the water hose would stop – leaving the slimy guts, oil and worms for the each girl to swim through. Meaghan was up first. She was laying face up in the tube with water blasting on the top of her head as she grabbed the first key, releasing all kinds of fish gut nastiness directly on top of her! Then she scooted backwards to the second key and was covered by 50 gallons of fish oil. Grabbing that second key stopped the water blast as Meaghan made her way to the third and final key. This time a waterfall of worms landed on the beauty queen, but she remained focused on the task. Next, she unlocked the three locks to open the escape hatch and tore off a final flag. Final time for Miss New York was 1:55. Brittany, Miss California, was up next. Go West Coast! Brittany got the first key and shuffled up through fish guts and water blasts to the second key. Covered with oil, she slid up to the third key and released the worms. She was way ahead on time. All she had to do was open the locks and grab the nearby flag. She struggled with those locks, but finished in 1:41 – beating Miss New York and assuring her a spot in the finals!

Miss Oklahoma was next and young Laci was determined. That determination was tested, however, when 50 gallons of fish guts landed on her face! Laci wasn’t as strong as the first two girls, but kept at it, tugging at the key until the fish oil dumped on her. She got pulled on the third key fast, but was so freaked out by the 50 gallons of worms on her face that she forgot to get the actual key! Joe and the others kept yelling at her until she realized her mistake. Finally, she freed herself for a final time of 2:32. Sarah-Elizabeth, Miss DC, was next. Joe gave her a hard time because she was always standing on her tiptoes to make herself taller. Height wouldn’t matter when she was swishing around in worms and oil trying to beat Miss California’s time! Miss New York hustled through the task, but didn’t get the best time. She did, however, eliminate Miss Oklahoma from the finals.

On the final day of competition, Miss California knew she’d be able to pick the order, which gave her confidence a boost. The girls arrived at a windy lakeshore to see their final stunt. They would each start clinging to a large cage suspended beneath a helicopter. As the helicopter made its way around the lake, each girl would have to navigate around the OUTSIDE of the cage which was made from cargo netting. Fear Factor flags were positioned in various spots around the cage and the girls would have to release as many flags as possible before falling into the chilly water below. The high winds would surely make this stunt more difficult. The winner of this stunt would win $25,000 for themselves, $25,000 for the charity of their choice and the title of Miss USA® Fear Factor! Brittany chose Miss DC to go first.

Once again, Sarah-Elizabeth seemed to put those gymnastics skills to use. She had good upper-body strength and made her way around the cargo net-cube quickly. After releasing five flags, she started to go underneath the cage to release the final flag. That’s when she lost her grip and fell into the lake. Final time 1:18 for five flags. Impressive! Brittany chose Miss New York to go next. Meaghan knew it was a tough challenge, but she was a strong girl. She either had to beat Sarah-Elizabeth’s time for five flags or get six flags to stay in the game. Meaghan didn’t seem to be moving as fast as Sarah-Elizabeth, but at least she was literally hanging in there. She had some trouble after the fourth flag and seemed to be getting tired. Meaghan got the fifth flag and knew she had to get the sixth. However, she didn’t have the strength to crawl under the cage – and she didn’t have a good enough final time to beat Miss DC. Miss New York was out! While Sarah-Elizabeth shivered on the shoreline, Brittany got into position beneath the helicopter. Brittany moved slowly, but got the first five flags. The sixth flag was the toughest…could Brittany do it? No! She made a valiant effort, but fell. Miss DC was Miss USA® Fear Factor winning $25,000 for her charity, The United Youth Adult Conference, and $25,000 for herself!