30 Rock TV Show Series on NBC: Frank Talk

POOL PONG

2009-11-19T23:57:35Z

I totally want to kill this guy in pong.
Then make out with his girl underwater.

This does look like a lot of fun. I'm going to go on record and say that nobody can beat me in the sport of floating-mini-ping pong-in-a-swimming-pool.

Why?

Because I've been training with a floating pong table in the ocean.
During high tide.

i really gotta get a pay raise here at TGS. Then I can afford one of those tables.

But then I gotta figure out how to afford my own pool.

Maybe if I move to Detroit, I can afford a house with a swimming pool? And instead of commuting to TGS everyday, I can just SKYPE. With SKYPE, Sheinhardt Wig Company wouldn't lose any money. I think Donaghy would embrace my use of new technology.
And I could finally have my OWN office!

Gotta run. I hear Tina coming. I gotta pretend like I'm working, but I'm really checking out which ping pong shoes to buy online, here or here?

Have a great Thanksgiving!
Frank

NOBODY CAN BEAT ME

2009-11-13T02:00:00Z

Especially not these guys.

First of all, they're way too happy.
And they're just not dressed appropriately.

I'm not even going to talk about how they're way too close to each other to be effective doubles partners.

They're both on one side of the table. I can either smash the ball down the other side and they'll never get it.

Or I can smash it right at them & they won't be able to decide who should hit it.
Basically, their technique is wrong. They're wardrobe is wrong. The blonde guy is smoking, definitely not cool.

And they're both smiling way too hard.
They can't beat me. Can any of you?

I'm still waiting for somebody to accept the challenge that I've put out there.
You accept my ping-pong challenge, and I will play you and beat you.
We don't have a table at "TGS." But I can meet you anywhere in NYC.

You name the spot.

MAKING WEIGHT

2009-11-06T00:46:01Z

I have some big tournaments coming up, so I have to get in even better shape than I am currently in.

Here I am on the treadmill, honing my ping-pong skills.

I'm wearing the winter jacket so that I can sweat more & lose weight more quickly.

Liz won't let us have a ping-pong table, but there is a tiny workout room. And I can sneak in a workout there without her noticing.

I figure if I can bounce the ping-pong ball on my paddle without missing, while running on a treadmill in a winter coat, I'll be able to crush anyone.

No one else trains like this. So, no one will be prepared to play me. I'm going to bring something to the game that nobody has ever brought before.

Maybe I'll write an article about this new ping-pong workout that I've developed and submit it to USA Table Tennis magazine. http://www.usatt.org/magazine/index.shtml

I may not be at my desk, but Liz and Pete will never find me. Because they'll never think to look for me in the workout room.

They know I hate working out... but not when ping-pong is involved.

Seriously, if any of you ladies need a ping-pong lesson, I'm here for you.

Frank

PING PONG POWER

2009-10-30T01:01:32Z

Here's an inside look at more of my top-secret ping-pong training.
If it weren't for my grueling work schedule at TGS, I'd be playing ping-pong 24 hours a day.

Here I am on the streets of NYC practicing ping-pong.
I'm hitting the ball up high to work on my lob shots.
In ping-pong this is called "lobbing" or "fishing" -- they're a little different -- but I won't get into details on that now.

Basically my lob got too powerful & I lobbed it over some buildings a few blocks away. And it landed in Madison Square Garden. I guess the ball built up so much force, it was able to break through the ceiling of Madison Square Garden. I snuck past security, and found my ping-pong ball.

In this second photo, you see me with the ping-pong ball inside Madison Square Garden.
Some old dude rock stars were on stage rehearsing for their big show tonight as part of the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame concert. Because Madison Square Garden has such high ceilings, it was a good place to practice my ping-pong serves that requires a high toss of ball. This is called a high toss serve in the ping-pong biz.

I made my hat myself of course. My shirt is from the cool people at either http://www.fearwerx.com or at http://www.fright-rags.com.

It's very rare that I let you know where The Rossitano gets his clothes. And for ping-pong there's so many places you can get stuff.
http://www.paddlepalace.com
http://www.clubjoola.com
http://ttpioneers.ping-pong.com/
http://www.lilyyip.com

I got my blade from the dude that owns Fat Cat. http://www.fatcatmusic.org

And there's tons of other places to get awesome ping-pong stuff.
http://www.usatt.org has more info too.
I get my stuff from all over. I don't let one place tie me down.

Have a great Halloween. I'm hoping to meet some hot chicks. There are a lot of cool Halloween parties going on.
I might have to hit more than one. Turn Halloween into the whole weekend. Just found out that Spin http://spinyc.com is having a Halloween party -- they'll have lots of hot chicks. But basically, (and don't tell anyone this) I just want a chick that's cool. I don't need a high maintenance hot chick.

Talk soon.

Rossitano

PING-PONG TRAINING

2009-10-22T21:46:59Z

This is one of my ping-pong training methods. I practice hitting the ball. Not against a wall. Not against a ping-pong robot.

But outdoors against a metal fence. I have to precisely hit the ball so that it hits the metal wiring and bounces back to me.

It's a great exercise for accuracy. Any moron can hit the ball against the wall or over a net.

Not many can hit the ball against a wire fence for hours and have the ball bounce back to them every time.

My place is too small for a ping-pong table, so I have to use unorthodox methods for training.
I call this is my Rocky 4 training. Rocky trained outdoors in the freezing snow. Drago trained indoors, hooked up to high tech computers. And who won? That's right. Rocky. He literally punched the communism right out of Drago. And why did Rocky win? 'Cause his training was more intense.

My place is too small for a ping-pong table, so I have to use unorthodox methods for training.

I call this my Rocky 4 training. Rocky trained outdoors in the freezing snow. Drago trained indoors, hooked up to high tech computers. And who won? That's right. Rocky. He literally punched the communism right out of Drago. And why did Rocky win? 'Cause his training was more intense.

At TGS there is space for a ping-pong table. But Liz Lemon won't let us have one.

Because she knows we'll spend all our time playing ping-pong and no time writing sketches. I think Hornberger secretly wants a ping-pong table. But refuses to get one, because he knows I'll destroy him in a match. And he doesn't want to face reality. Plus he's got anger issues. Tracy plays ping-pong on the computer & thinks that means he's good at real ping-pong. And he stinks at regular ping-pong. I've seen it. That's a note to everyone: just 'cause you're good at videogame ping-pong, it doesn't mean you're good at real ping-pong.

Everyone thinks they're so great at ping-pong. And you know what? 105% of them are delusional.

And 99% of them suck. Let's face it, if you were any good, you'd enter a real tournament & see just how good you are.

And 99% of them suck. Let's face it, if you were any good, you'd enter a real tournament & see just how good you are. Join the USATT if you think you're such a hot shot. I did. http://www.usatt.org And if you think you're so good at ping-pong, why not challenge me at one of Lily Yip's tournaments?

There's this one in NYC: http://www.doublefish-us.com/tournaments/ac1_1_2010/ac_entryform.pdf

And this one in Atlantic City: And this one in Atlantic City.

Or if you don't live in the NYC area, they have real tournaments all over the country.http://www.usatt.org/events/tournaments.shtml#regions

So, if you think you're any good, why don't you try and prove it?

Just 'cause you can beat your little brother who's in the 2nd grade & you're the best player in your basement, doesn't mean you're actually good at ping-pong.

And ladies, if you need a private ping-pong lesson, now you know you to talk to.

Rossitano

It's Been A Great Summer!

2009-10-15T18:02:44Z

I played ping-pong with Spiderman.

I went shopping for used discount vitamins at an outdoor flea market in Queens.

Had to do get the vitamins. Writing for TGS is very demanding. I often have to be in the office 10 hours a day & I'm spend 8 of those 10 hours playing video games while pretending to work. And the remaining 3 hours I spend either daring Lutz to eat things, or giving Jenna old sketches from other shows but telling her I wrote them for her but that it can be our secret that she wrote it herself. Then she gets busted for plagiarism. She falls for that a lot.

The vitamins were only $2 a bottle. So it's a big savings. It was kind of like raiding someone's medicine cabinet, only much bigger and outdoors in 90 degree heat. I like a flea market where you can buy a machete knife, a skateboard with an American eagle on it, underwear, a queen size Scarface blanket & random vitamin bottles. Flea markets are great.

Been playing a lot of ping pong this summer. Ran into Spiderman at this new fancy ping pong place in Manhattan called Spin. He was afraid to play against me. So, we teamed up as doubles partners and destroyed everybody. Frank & Spiderman cannot be beaten in ping pong.

So, I'm in shape and ready for a new season of TGS.

I'm still trying to convince Liz to get a ping pong table at the office or on one of our filming stages or hallways, or stairways or the roof of the building. I don't care. I'll play anywhere. I've been playing ping pong so much...and don't hate me here...but I think it's even better than video games.

Ladies, I did not include any close-ups of my face...because...I want you to want it...and earn it...I can't just give you a close-up right away.

Hope everyone had a great summer. Ladies if you have any hot stories you want to share with me...Let's hear it.

Frank

THIS SUMMER

2009-05-15T02:23:41Z

My goal is to hook up with this chick.
I could totally see myself marrying her.
But I'd have to get rid of that dolphin.
I don't like that sinister look on his face.
I don't trust him.
I think he's bad for her.
He looks like the evil twin of a
nice dolphin.
It seems like he's looking right at me saying
"this chick will never go out with you". Well,
this summer I'm going to prove him wrong.
Time to start working out so i can get in
"beach shape". Maybe I'll beat up a lifeguard.
That will impress her. It's going to be a great summer.

Frank

BOOK ART

2009-05-08T21:17:23Z

Art can be found in many places. Even on bookcovers.

This is probably the best basketball novel I've ever read. You can tell these guys are really good players. And it's "backboard" magic, not "above the rim" magic, or "nothin' but net" magic. We're talking bank shots off the backboard. Number 8 is missing his left foot. Maybe through the power of magic the other player made his foot disappear. So that he couldn't jump up and block his backboard bank shot. Tracy says he was good at basketball in high school. But I don't think he's remembering correctly. I know I'm better than him.
Gotta pretend to get back to work. I heard Liz yell "Blerg!" from her office. talk next week.

Frank

DOBERMAN

2009-05-01T21:12:00Z

First up, thanks for your comments about the unicorn piece that was embroidered and had cotton ball-like clouds.
I decided it was too precious to leave at work.
Just Jess, who doesn't like macaroonis - but sorry that piece is not for sale.
Andy in Vermont, cheer up, things will get better.

So check out this new piece I just picked up.
It's a painting on black velvet of a doberman.
I like this doberman, because you can tell he's confident. He's not growling. He doesn't need to.
He doesn't need to prove that he's dangerous. He's a doberman. He knows he's dangerous.
And he knows you he's dangerous.
So he's just taking it easy.
He's so bad ass, he's ripped a whole in the painting!
That's cool.
Don't think I can bring this one into work at TGS either. I think Jenna's allergic
to dog paintings.

Let me know if you like this one.

Frank

DECISIONS

2009-04-24T03:01:19Z

Ok. Of all the pieces of art that I collect. This is one of my favorites. A young unicorn and an adult unicorn. You just don't see that that often. And they're sitting on clouds made out of some puffy type material. Notice how the puffy material extends BEYOND the edges of the frame. THAT'S GREAT ART! When the frame can't even contain it. Jenna offered me what she considered a lot of money for this - $5. I told her "no way". I brought it into TGS because I was going to hang it up in my office. But decided, it's too precious to be left at there. Lutz might steal it as a prank. Jenna might steal because she loves it. Tracy might think they're real unicorns & try to talk to them. So, I've decided to keep this piece at home. It's nice to look at before i got to sleep for the night. Somehow, I think Liz Lemon is relieved that she doesn't have to see it everyday. Wait, maybe I will leave it in my office - because if it repels Liz so much - she might not have to come in my office and bug me to get back to work. Now, I'm wondering, what should I do? Let me know what you think?

Frank

Leif Garret's Brother

2009-04-17T07:19:53Z

This is the kind a dude Jenna probably went out with when she was in high school. A complete tool. He looks like the boy the main girl had a crush on in every Judy Blume novel. He probably doesn't even need glasses. He just wears them because the thinks they make him look smart. Or he's too much of a wuss to put a contact lens on his eyeball. He was probably in the high school band or played guitar really badly, but Jenna thought he was great and she would dream about "making music" with him. I never hung out with dudes like this in high school. I was too busy playing pacman at 7-11 and mastering the pacman patterns i memorized from a book that i bought called "How To Beat Pacman". Thanks for enjoying this charcoal art piece. I gotta get back to writing more sketches for Jenna or Liz is going to take my computer and delete all my video games. Little does she know I just bought a portable hard drive where i store all my video games. And other things.

Keep fighting the system. Talk next week. And next week, I'll remember to answer your comments!

Frank

SCULPTURES

2009-04-10T06:32:54Z

As many of you know. I collect art. And I can't bring all of them in to my TGS office because Liz & Pete wouldn't allow it because Donaghy prohibits anything that is possibly profane & anything that doesn't generate revenue for the company. And my art collection falls into both categories on many occasions. But I do get to share some of them with you here. Cool. Here's two pieces.

These two are cool. I think they're a mother & son. Or they're just two buddies who travel the galaxy as they sneak onto spaceships.

I like this guy. I don't know who he is or where he's from. But I do know that he's underappreciated. But not anymore. Because I appreciate him. I imagine he doesn't say much but he breathes heavy.

Interesting fact, these same art pieces were talked about on a talk show called Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, by a guy who looks almost identical to me. You can see the video footage here: http://www.latenightwithjimmyfallon.com/video/
And you can even see blogged about here: http://judahfriedlander.com/gallery.htm

Thanks for embracing the arts.

Talk soon.

Frank

NEW PURCHASE

2009-03-27T03:46:39Z

One of the nice things about writing on TGS is that it pays great. For a job that is. For a network TV writing job, it's actually pretty low-paying. (Donaghy & Hornberger run a tight budget). But it's still the best paying job I've ever had. And it allows me to buy cool things like this!

That's right, it's a Hogan Ball. A bunch of identical Hulk Hogan dolls somehow permanently attached together to for a spherical shape. It's really pretty amazing. I'm going to leave it by my desk. Now, when i have to leave my desk, no one will mess with it. Because the Hogan Ball will be guarding it. I recommend everyone get one of these. It can change your life for the better. I should make a Rocky Balboa Ball and have the balls go at it and re-enact ROCKY III. Or it can be the rematch between the Italian Stallion & Thunderlips!.The Ultimate Man vs. The Ultimate Meatball! I guarantee you, that's the most Rocky III references you will read on any blog today. Even Liz hasn't seen my new Hulk Hogan sphere of justice yet. Now I'm going to go outside and get a gyro sandwich on the corner before the line gets too long. AND, I'm not going to worry about Lutz or anyone else messing with my desk. Because the Hogan Ball will be there watching. Take it easy. Frank

NOT PORN

2009-02-27T03:03:07Z

This is the type of chick that is probably considered "great-looking" by a lot of people. But I'm not feeling it. She's kind of scary to me.

This is the kind of chick I'm talking about. Nice. Curvy and a little weird-lookin'.

Ya see, Liz Lemon thinks I'm always looking at porn. Not true. I look at art. Oil paintings mostly. I don't know if she'll realize that I'm classy. Gotta get back to writing more sketches for Jenna. Yes, Jenna. That's part of my job, writing sketches for Jenna. It can be pretty demanding.

Talk soon.

Frank

STORK WOMAN

2009-02-20T02:40:39Z

Ok. So, I think this is the new perfect woman I'm looking for.

A woman with a giant stork on her shoulder. I like a chick that birds like.

This is not an easy chick to meet or hook up with. Mainly because it looks like she's sitting on the highest mountain peak in the world. I don't even see any mountain or valley communties around her. This will definitely be a challenge. I'll have to borrow my friend's spaceship to find her. Or maybe, I'll take a hot air balloon class. Then steal the balloon and go looking for her. But first I have to write 4 sketches for Liz. If you know anyone who has a hot air balloon or hang glider that they want to get rid of, let me know.

Talk soon.

Frank