Can you decipher it? It could be written in secret code. Or it could be grammatically correct as it is. Maybe it's one word. Maybe it's several. Did I make it? Or was it written by an alien to whom I'm teaching English? Let me know what you think.

- Frank

People want to know what I've been doing for the best several months. The answer: hanging out with Tron Guy. Now I'm not the biggest fan of the movie "Tron." Kinda slow and I still haven't seen the whole thing. To be fair, I should see the whole movie before giving a review. But it does feature Michael Dudikoff. And on my talk-to-text feature it spells Michael Dudikoff "Michael do the cough." Which is pretty cool. HOWEVER, the video game back to early '80s was awesome. It was actually four games within one game. Not that I care about money, but the video game back in 1982 outgrossed the movie. And I think that is a forgotten fact that the world needs to know about.

I don't normally wear a suit and tie, but when I meet Tron Guy, I do.

Well time to get out of the suit and back to TGS! There are sketches to be written, pranks to be made and lots of pretending to be writing scripts while I play video games.

It was fun, because undercover I was on my own.

Sometimes I'd have to search cactuses for hidden narcotics.

And I know "cactuses" is grammatically incorrect, but "cacti" sounds stupid.

If I ever get fired from TGS, I'm going back to being a Desert Cop.

It'll be time to take it back to the streets... of the desert.

In the desert, JUSTICE is spelled ROSSITANO.

I think her front teeth are 20 feet tall.

I think these dudes are going to camp out on her.

I think she's blind. She doesn't see them coming.

Or maybe she's just not that impressed.

She needs a man her size. Not for campers who can barely fill up her left nostril.

I will find a way to meet this chick and impress her.

I will either become her size. Or find a way to shrink her to 5 foot - 5 foot 4 - the perfect height.

I hope she's reading this.

I should translate this blog post to Braille just in case she tries to read it.

That's the new sketch I will write: HOT BLIND GIANT GIRL SEEKS TRUCKER CAP-WEARING ITALIAN DUDE.

Liz will have to cast me in this.

I hope she does. And it's a recurring sketch.

Talk next week.

Frank

Sorry I haven't posted in awhile.

I've been trapped in my office at TGS.

Liz Lemon thinks I've been working a lot but I've actually been reading a book. Yes, I actually read a book. It took a few weeks, I'm a slow reader.

But it's the greatest book I ever read. Check out this photo where he shows how to beat up 2 muggers at once.

And it's written by a dude who looks almost exactly like me - so I know he must be cool.It's called HOW TO BEAT UP ANYBODY: An instructional and Inspirational Karate Book by The World Champion. The book is filled with jokes and photos.

I bought the book at the NBC Universal online bookstore. Here's the link: (insert link)They even sell other TGS stuff there. I had no idea TGS was so popular. Cool.

Ok. Back to work. I mean reading the greatest karate book ever made.
Frank

If I can meet a girl as cool and as hot as this chick, I'll be happy. I need to hypnotize all the hot chicks in NYC so they come out to the after party tonight.

Since we're doing two shows tonight - live on the East Coast and live on the West Coast, I expect to get lots of hot steamy emails and Twitter posts from girls on the West Coast, too.

It's going to be an awesome night. Liz will be extra busy because we're doing two shows, and will forget to yell at me. And I'll have twice the opportunity to meet hot chicks.

Talk next week. It's an easy play tonight. Put on a great show. Hook up with hot chicks at the party after the show. Talk next week when I have five new girlfriends.

Would you rather get paid $100 a day, but you could never eat pizza ever again forever? Or have to sleep between the dough and the cheese in a giant 20-foot pizza every night, and eat all the free pizza you want? Keep in mind, the pizza is hot and the dough is your bed, the cheese is your blanket and you have to sleep in the sauce. And you cannot eat the pizza you sleep in - but you can eat any other pizza you want.

Let me know.Hope everyone had a great summer. I did. I saw The Expendables 20 times. By myself. I like to experience intense dramas alone.

Talk next week.

Frank

I think some of those chicks that were with Donaghy got turned on when they saw me in my underwear.

But I wasn't scared. I don't get scared. Not even these guys could scare me.

Bad example. I don't think they could scare anyone. But you get what I'm saying.

If seeing me almost nude turned more of you ladies on, you know how to contact me.

I'm going to blow off some steam and play early 80's video games now.

Frank

Look at this painting. It's got 2 hot chicks, a flying dinosaur and a spaceship. The only way it could be better is if there were more chicks in it and if they were naked.

I'm going to start making more of my own paintings again.

Gotta find my brush and paint. I don't need a canvas. I paint anywhere I want.

I'm going to hook up with some chicks like this from now on.

Have a sexy Valentine's Day.

Frank

This is why I'm training to be a lifeguard.
Mermaids are hot. I don't even prefer blondes, but this chick rocks.
My plan is to go to Maui and be a lifeguard and hopefully hook up with some mermaids.
Does anyone know where mermaids hang out?
Because if it's not Maui, I'll go somewhere else.
Let me know.
Talk soon.

Frank

This painting is my inspiration for a new movie script I'm working on, "Space Tarzan." Or maybe I'll call it "Tarzan in Space." It's such a good idea; I'm not even going to pitch it to Liz for TGS. I'm keeping this one for me.

This chick looks like a regular hot naked chick. But look, there are two moons. So it can't be earth. Either she's a hot alien female with earth-like features - OR - she's a hot earth woman who's been kidnapped by aliens and taken to their planet for sex parties.

So the plot of "Space Tarzan" is that his girlfriend Jane is kidnapped by aliens and taken to their planet. Realizing this, Tarzan builds a spaceship and goes to the evil alien planet to rescue Jane. He doesn't want their bizarre alien genitals touching his woman. Should be a really cool movie.

Don't tell anyone about this. This is my idea.

That's one of the great things about TGS. Not only can I spend half the day playing video games & the other half working on ways to prank other writers or annoy Liz & Jenna; when I'm not coming in 2 hours late, I can work on my own screenplays.

Talk next week.

Frank