I’ve been having trouble sleeping. And TGS is starting up soon, so I have to get back to a more normal sleeping schedule.
I think the trouble started over the summer when I got addicted to watching Steven Seagal movies before going to bed. The movies would get me so pumped, I couldn’t go to sleep. So then, I’d watch another one. And wouldn’t fall asleep ‘til around 7am. Seagal’s got a lot of movies, and he’s got a new one straight to DVD every couple weeks. So, it’s become a lot of work, staying up all night & keeping track of his movies. My favorites are “Marked for Death”; where the plot is: he beats up Jamaica. (Pretty much everyone in Jamaica except for about 2 people). And my other favorite is “Out for Justice” where the plot is: he beats up Brooklyn. (Well, not everyone in Brooklyn, just everyone in Bensonhurst).
So, my sleeping schedule is completely messed up. I called Dr. Spacemen’s office. But his number’s disconnected. So I found a doctor who’s a sleep specialist. I told him Spaceman’s my regular doctor, but he said he never heard of Spacemen. So now I’m thinking this guy’s probably not a good doctor if he hasn’t heard of Dr. Spaceman. Anyways, he said he hadn’t heard a story like mine before. So he decided to have me sleep over in a special sleep center where they wire me up, video tape me, & have computer analysis of me all night while I sleep.
But it was really difficult to fall asleep. I’ve gotten used to passing out on my couch around 7am with the lights on while a Seagal movie blasts from my TV. And because his movies are so violent and loud, I have really weird intense dreams. But at the sleep center, I wasn’t allowed to watch any Steven Seagal movies, and I had to turn off the lights and go to bed at 11pm. Plus I had to sleep with all these wires on me. And they wouldn’t let me sleep with my hat on. No Seagal & no hat. Very difficult. But it was pretty cool being all wired up & having experts watch me on monitors in another room. I felt like Dennis Quaid in “Dreamscape”, except I didn’t have any dreams where I had to fight the Snakeman, & I didn’t get to hook up with Kate Capshaw. After 5 hours laying in bed, it was 430am & I still couldn’t sleep. So, I decided to think of the most boring thing in the world: Jenna’s monologues. I passed out immediately. So, I guess Jenna’s good for something. They woke me up at 7am & I was exhausted. I went home, popped in a Seagal movie, and passed out from 10am until about 4pm. I feel better now. In a couple weeks, I get the results of the sleep test back. I'll let you know the deal.