Well, it's been a crazy week. The Doctor killed the alien growing out of my foot. I stayed indoors with my bandaged foot for 4 days straight. On the 5th day, I was finally well enough to go outside & walk around on my crutches.

I thought for sure with my crutches, I was going to be able to pick up tons of chicks. But nothing. Nothing. Couldn't even get an old lady to hold a door open for me at the grocery store. There's a lot of cold heartless women out there.

After 7 days, I went back to the Doctor so that he could remove the bandage I had on all week. I had to keep the bandage on all week. Couldn't even take a shower. I really started to smell. But I kind of liked it. I felt I had a personality of mine coming out that hadn't really come out before, at least not that loudly.

Anyway, here's a picture of my foot. And, I'll warn you again, you might find it gross.

It looks like the Doctor killed the alien in my foot, and some of it's guts are still hanging out in the black crater on my foot. The crater looks like a black hole. I think I'm going to write a movie about a guy (me) who has a black hole in his foot that is actually a time portal to another dimension where there's tons of really hot chicks who like dudes on crutches!

Oh, and thanks for the movie recommendations everyone. But I couldn't watch any, 'cause I couldn't get out of my house.

So, the Dr. re-bandaged my foot, & said I have to leave this one on for another week. So that'll make it two weeks in a row without showering. Cool!

Talk to you next week.

Frank

Check it out guys...

I have an alien parasite growing out of the bottom of my foot. Actually, I wish it was an alien parasite. That’d be cool. But it’s really a pyogenic granuloma. It’s flesh & blood vessels from inside my foot that just keeps growing. And it broke through my skin & is now growing on the outside of my foot. I called Dr. Spacemen, but he’s on vacation in Jamaica for the next 6 weeks. So, I had to go to another Doctor. And he said to come back in a few days. And that’s when he’s going to cut it out. And then he’s going to burn it out, so that it never grows back. Basically, he’s going to kill it. And then kill it again just to humiliate it. Should be pretty cool.

Then I’ll have to be off feet for a couple weeks. No walking allowed. I have to stay in bed or lay on the couch all day & night. So maybe some of you ladies out there can come over and help me out. All women are welcome.

Except you Jenna, sorry. Cerie, you know how to contact me.

Frank

These cupcakes have the most icing I've ever seen on a cupcake.

If you look closely at one of them, you can see it's actually a cupcake eating a cookie. It's the first time I've ever seen a piece of food eating another piece of food. The cupcake is actually hungry. It's carb-on-carb cannibalism.

I'm not that crazy about cupcakes. But I love cookies, so I bought two of 'em. They were at a shop inside Penn Station in NY. I had just taken New Jersey Transit there. Then I got on a subway up to 30 Rock.

I ate one on the subway. Then ate the other one in the writer's room at TGS. Liz was pretty grossed out by it. Lutz was pissed because I didn't bring one for him. But I said to him, "That's what you get for taking a cab. You miss out on Penn Station cupcakes". Josh thought maybe he could make that cupcake a character. Thankfully Liz & Pete shot that down immediately. Kenneth the Page was sad because he said that the cupcake was "Cookie Monster" from "Sesame Street" or something - some old kids show that he loves - I'm not sure which one. Say what you want about Kenneth. He loves TV. Jenna thought the cupcake should be illegal because it portrays a violent image and it's geared towards children. Tracy & Dr. Spacemen agreed that there's nothing wrong with violent images & children's food. I had no idea my cupcake would cause such a stir. I'm definitely going to bring some in next week, maybe it'll waste more time at work again!

Frank Rossitano
Not Working Too Hard

I suck at cooking. This is definitely one of the worst meals I've ever made.

People sometimes ask me if I can cook. And I tell them, "I can nuke anything." I'm not saying I'm a great cook. But I can usually make a pretty decent tasting meal using just a microwave.

I'll be honest with you. This meal tasted even worse than it looks. This is a picture of it right before I put it in the microwave. It's corn from a can with refried beans from a can with spaghetti sauce from a jar, dumped over brown rice. The brown rice was from left over Chinese take out that I got a week ago (when they gave me brown rice instead of white rice by mistake). And then I put some slices of American cheese on top. Again, I'll be honest. It was horrible. I can eat anything. But this meal took some serious will power. I was trying to make Puerto Rican/Dominican style rice and beans. I love Puerto Rican/Dominican
food. But this meal totally sucked.

I think I was a better cook years ago. Back in high school I was a fry cook at Roy Rogers for 2 weeks. I learned how to cook eggs really well, because I had to make about 300 egg sandwiches a day. I quit because the manager kept yelling at me, saying that I was cooking stuff wrong. He had a really bad speech impediment, and I couldn't understand a word he said. So, he'd yell at me. Then I'd tell him I was trying to do a good job, but I couldn't understand what he was telling me. And then he'd get angry, & yell at me more. And the angrier he got, the worse his speech impediment got. And the less I understood him. I wasn't being mean. I really had no clue what the guy was yelling at me & I was desperately trying to understand him. But he just got angrier and angrier. And the kitchen was about 120 degrees. So everyday,he's yelling at me & sweating, while I'm trying to decipher his mystery language & sweating. So I just quit. And then after I'd quit, I had to come back a week later to pick up my paycheck from him. That was awkward.

But I did learn one thing from working there - how to do things quickly. Not necessarily well. But quick. That lesson has come in handy for me at TGS. Because sometimes Liz comes to me last minute, and tells me I have to write a new sketch really quick. And then I just think about cooking 300 egg sandwiches in 3 hours. And I just bang out a sketch. And for that, I'm grateful to my un-understandable Roy Rogers manager.

Frank

This is one of the coolest looking Bob’s Big Boy’s I’ve ever seen. You can see me standing there, and get a feel for how big the sign is. I like restaurants with huge signs.

I was a bus boy at Bob’s Big Boy when I was in high school. Except we weren’t allowed to say “bus boy”, we had to say “dining room attendant”. They tried to make it classy. Our only pieces of equipment were a grey rectangular bucket to dump all the dishes into, and a light blue rag that we used to wipe the tables down. Except we weren’t allowed to say “rag”, we had to call it a “sanitary”. Again, it was a classy place.

The best part of the job, was seeing some of the waitresses change from their regular clothes into their waitress clothes. I wasn’t a perv or anything. They just changed right in front of you. There was a back room where people hung out & they’re talking to you and all of a sudden they just change clothes right in front you. Gotta love a Bob’s Big Boy waitress.

The worst part was having to bus a table, and the people at the table were a bunch of jerks that you went to high school with. And you didn’t like ‘em in the high school hallways, and you certainly didn’t like ‘em at the table you had to bus. Oh, and I almost forgot, we weren’t allowed to say “bus” the table, we had to say “clear” the table.

We got 50% off food. I got the chicken parmagiana almost every time.

This particular Bob’s Big Boy is in Burbank, California. And the best thing about it, besides the way it looks, is that it’s open 24 hours! It’s no Pamela’s, but it’s just a fun place to hang out. They have big booths. Very important. I think down South, the Bob’s Big Boys are called Shoney’s. But, I gotta say, Jersey still has more 24 hour diners than any other place I’ve been. I like late night diners. If you got a favorite 24 hour diner, let me know.

And Andy, back off Martina. I saw her comment first.

Frank Rossitano
Back in Jersey